


In Another Lifetime

by ValiantClarke



Series: In Another Lifetime [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, The Ark Station
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-13 06:47:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 56,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4511967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValiantClarke/pseuds/ValiantClarke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 2x16- One night during her walkabout Clarke falls asleep, only to wake up back on The Ark a year and half prior to the day she was sent to the ground. At first it seems like a fairytale, the blood on her hands truly is washed away, but then she has a choice to make: Let everything play out the way it had the first time around, or take this opportunity to save the lives of everyone she loves. There is a catch, she's not the only one who remembers what happened on the ground, a certain cadet was swept back to The Ark with her. Is this a blessing or a curse for everything they've done? Only time will tell.</p><p>I'm Bellarke trash. Sorry not sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "When all the tragedy fades away, only the ash and the spark remain. We live and die by the choice we made in another lifetime." - In Another Lifetime (Feat. Kyler England)

I woke up to the familiar aroma of the coffee my mom used to brew for my dad every morning before he went to work. I squinted my nose and rubbed my eyes, confused because I hadn’t smelled that in years. It smelled like home; it smelled like The Ark. I sat up and looked around the dark room for a candle and my knife, but my hand landed on a light switch. _A light switch?_

I flicked on the light and gasped, I was on The Ark, in my bedroom, in my bed. I picked up the pillow and pressed it against my face, soaked in the smell of the linens. I really was home. But, how did I get here? The Ark was destroyed when it fell down from space. Just last night I was on the ground, running for my life. How was this even possible?

I climbed out of bed and flinched when my bare feet touched the cold metal floor in my room; I had forgotten the texture. The mirror on my wall sent me stumbling back at the sight of my figure. My skin was a few shades lighter now than it was yesterday, like I hadn’t ever been in the sun. It also didn’t have a single scratch on it. My white blonde hair was back, not the dark blonde that it had been the day before. I reached behind my head and tugged on the perfectly proper braid in my hair. It was as if I’d never been to the ground at all.

I walked across the room and reached for my tablet. On the ark, each family had their own tablet. It was a device that we used to power everything in our homes, read the news, and connect with our friends. Families living in alpha station had the nicest tablets and were given one for each member of their family. People living on poorer stations only had one tablet per household.

When I pressed the home screen, the date jumped out at me. It was exactly six months before my father’s execution. I shut the tablet off and ran out into the living room in search of him. I scanned the room for my father, who was pouring himself a cup of coffee by the kitchen sink. I stretched my arms out and embraced him from behind, causing him to spill his coffee on the counter.

“Clarke?” He chuckled, wiping the coffee up. He turned around and flicked the tip of my nose with his pointer finger. It was such a familiar touch despite the fact that I hadn’t felt it in almost two years.

“How is this possible?” I asked him. He raised his eyebrow and took a sip of his coffee. “That I’m here. I was on the ground last night. I’d been on the ground for five months.” I told him. He patted my shoulder and took a seat at the kitchen counter.

“I’ve had many dreams like that about the ground before too sweetie.” He said while he pulled out his own tablet and read the news. I scratched my head and tapped my chin. It couldn’t have just been a dream, it all felt so real! I had to go talk to someone, someone who was on the ground with me.

“Is Wells okay?” I asked my dad eagerly. Surely if my father was still alive, that meant Wells would be too.

“I mean he’s a little upset that you turned him down for the masquerade ball but I think he’s recovering just fine.” My father said. Wells was alive! I ran and gave my father a kiss on the cheek before quickly changing into my standard clothes and bolting out the door. I knew the path to the Jaha’s like the back of my hand and bursted through their door within minutes of exiting my house.

“Clarke?” Wells asked, obviously not expecting me to be coming by. I ran up to him and hugged him tighter than I ever had before.

“You’re okay!” I whispered into his neck while I pulled at him tighter. He held pushed me away by my shoulders and gave me a quizzical look.

“Are you feeling alright?” He asked me, raising his hand to my forehead to see if I had a fever. I shook him away and smiled.

“Yes! I’m fantastic, this is fantastic!” I replied, dancing around the room. Wells watched as I searched through the room for familiar things. I smelled the furniture, and even smelled him. It smelled so real and so much like the Jaha’s that this couldn’t be a dream.

“How did I get back?” I asked Wells.

“Back from where? Clarke, you’re starting to scare me.” He said seriously. I glanced around the room and noticed a guard’s uniform laying out on the counter. A light bulb went off in my head and I knew where I had to go next.

“Where’s Bellamy?” I asked him. He raised his eyebrow at me.

“Bellamy Blake.” I clarified. Wells walked into the kitchen and poured me a glass of water, assuming that my ‘crazy talk’ was simply dehydration.

“I have no idea who that is.” Wells said, handing me the glass of water. I drank it to satisfy him and then took a seat next to the cadet uniform. I admired the stitching and the emblem for the ark. It looked exactly like the uniform Bellamy had worn on the drop ship to Earth.

“Well can you look it up?” I asked him, knowing that his father’s tablet had the profile for every citizen on the ark.

“Yeah, uh, I guess I can. Give me a second I’ll go get my dad’s tablet.” He said hesitantly. I watched as he reached into the top drawer of his father’s desk. The tablet was sitting there, exactly where it always had ever since they were little kids. Wells unlocked it and ran a search for Bellamy Blake.

“Why do you want to find this guy?” Wells asked with a hint of jealousy in his voice.

“I need his help with something.” I said vaguely. Thankfully Wells accepted my answer and continued to scroll through Bellamy’s information.

“Well apparently he's a cadet for the guard. He lives in Factory Station with his mother.” Wells read off of the screen.

“What about-” I stopped myself before I said Octavia. If it truly was a year and a half before we were on the ground, then Bellamy still had Octavia hidden under the floorboards. Maybe this would be enough proof for Bellamy to believe me.

I bolted out the door without saying goodbye and followed the signs for Factory Station. Many of my parent’s friends tried to stop me and have casual conversations with me but I brushed past them and politely moved along. Once I was out of Alpha station, I made a beeline for the doors to Factory Station. Sadly, they were locked. I pulled out my keycard but it wouldn’t register with the door.

“Dammit” I muttered under my breath, kicking the door with my foot.

“What are you doing?” Wells asked from behind me. I hadn’t realized that he was following me. I flipped around and gave him a quick smile.

“I’m trying to get to Bellamy but my stupid key card doesn’t work for Factory Station.” I explained.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Wells mumbled as he extended his keycard. The screen changed from red to green signalling the doors were ready to open. I bolted down the hallway and turned around as the doors shut behind me with Wells on the other side.

Everyone in Factory Station was hard at work from the moment I entered. I made sure to pass by every guard to see if any of them looked like Bellamy. So far, I couldn’t find him, and it was starting to wear me out.

“What are you doing over here Miss Griffin?” Commander Shumway asked me. I stepped to the side, trying to avoid him but he stopped me from passing. I crossed my arms and glared at him as he took out my ID card and scanned it.

“What is a medical apprentice from Alpha Station doing over here in Factory? Better yet, who let you in here?” He asked, giving me back my card. I rolled my eyes. Typical Shumway trying to find some way to blame the Jaha's. Little did he know I knew exactly what he planned on making Bellamy do.

“I’m just here to check on a patient for my mother. Now if you’ll excuse me-” I lied, trying to avoid him.

“Everyone here is quite healthy Miss Griffin.” He countered me, blocking me yet again.

“Well my mother doesn’t believe that is the case. Look I don’t want any trouble but I will not hesitate to get Jaha involved if you don’t allow me to check on this patient.” I snapped. Shumway smirked and held his hands up in surrender, allowing me to pass. I watch him from over my shoulder as I made my way down the hallway. Once he was out of sight, I took off running.

At the end of the corridor, I arrived at the commons area for Factory Station. This was were they could trade in their ration points and eat meals. I sat at a few tables asking where the Blakes lived but no one would tell me. They probably thought I was sent to do Jaha's dirty work. They were just trying to protect Bellamy, and I admired that.

I was about to give up when I locked eyes with a woman who looked a lot like Octavia. She immediately packed up her sewing supplies and headed for the exit. I chased after her, catching her quicker than she could run away.

“Excuse me! Please wait, I need to talk to you!” I called out to her. She turned around and crossed her arms, a small grey dress in her hands.

“Hurry.” She replied, glancing around the hallways. We were completely alone, but the odds were that work shifts would change and they would fill up again in just a few minutes.

“Are you Aurora Blake?” I asked her. She nodded apprehensively.

“Look, I’m not here to hurt you or anything. I just need to talk to your son, Bellamy. Where can I find him?” I explained.

“I’m sorry he’s not available right now.” She replied. That was when I realized, he was at their house, probably looking after Octavia.

“Look, something really important is going on and I’m begging you to please bring him to me.” I pleaded. She groaned and turned on her heels, leading me down the hallway. We arrived at a small door that she quickly unlocked. She told me to wait outside while she slipped through the door. I couldn’t hear much but muffled talking before the door reopened and Bellamy stepped out. My mouth gaped open at him, admiring how handsome he looked in his regular ark clothes. His hair was shorter and more well kept on the ark than it was on the ground, but I kind of preferred his ragged ground look.

“What do you want?” He asked, leaning against the door as if that could block me from getting in.

“Look I know you probably don’t know who I am, and God I don’t expect you to, but I have to tell you something. Yesterday I was on the ground, fighting for my life alone in the woods. I’d left our camp and you so that I could try and recover after everything we did in Mount Weather and I regret it. I should have stayed with you.” I rambled, watching as his eyes widened with every word I spoke.

“I know you have Octavia hidden under the floor and the only way I know that is because we went to Earth together. Bellamy you have to believe me. I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t.” I finished. Bellamy grabbed onto my hands and pulled me into his house, shocking Octavia and Aurora.

“It’s okay she knows and she won’t say anything.” He told them. I smiled, he still trusted me. Aurora gathered her things and ran out of the room in a panic, slamming the door behind her. Octavia looked me over, completely shocked, like she hadn’t seen another girl her age ever before.

“Clarke,” Bellamy began, sitting me down at the table with him. I gulped, expecting the worst, expecting him to tell me that I was crazy. He took a deep breath and leaned in so that only I could hear him.

"If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven.” He echoed the last thing he said to me before I left Camp Jaha. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into the crook of his shoulder while he squeezed me tightly against his body.

“I thought I was alone here.” He mumbled into my hair. I sighed in relief, never wanting to let him go.

“I shouldn’t have left you at camp, I should have stayed-”

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re here now. That’s all that matters.” He said, running his fingers through my hair. I pulled away and kissed his cheek. He gazed into my eyes lovingly until he noticed his completely confused sister in the corner of the room.

“I told Octavia about everything but she doesn’t remember.” Bellamy said as he made his way over to his timid sister.

“I told Wells and my father but they were clueless too.” I replied. Bellamy turned around and cocked his eyebrow.

“The Chancellor of Earth is still alive?” Bellamy asked. I nodded and realized that that meant that Finn was probably still alive too.

“Finn is probably around here somewhere too.” I said.

“I know, I took a shift at the sky box this morning and talked to him. He’s doesn’t know anything either.” Bellamy told me.

“I believe you.” Octavia spoke up. I smiled, of course she would believe us. She might not remember it, but she trusts her brother.

“So why is it just us?” I asked him. He shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know, maybe this is some kind of punishment the universe has for us after everything we did inside the mountain.” Bellamy suggested. That could be possible, or this could all be a dream I’ll wake up from in the near future.

“How would this be punishment? We get to be with our families again. My father and your mother are still alive.” I told him.

“Or we have to re live all of the pain from up here all over again.” He suggested.

“Bellamy, we have the power to change the past! We can make it better!” I exclaimed.

“Or we can make it worse. If the ark is still running out of air like it had been before, they are going to have to send the 100 down to earth.” Bellamy replied.

“But, if I can make sure my father doesn’t tell my mother about his plan to expose the crisis, maybe we can all go down together this time.” I said.

“There’s not enough room for us all to fit on drop ships. You’ll get to go to Earth but we won’t.” Bellamy replied. I glanced in the corner at Octavia who was patiently listening to us. I wouldn't let her die up here in space. She had to meet Lincoln, he was her soulmate.

“They brought the ark down once, they could do it again.” I replied, smiling at his sister.

“Since when have you become so optimistic?” He asked, studying me with a sharp gaze.

“Bellamy, do you know what this means? Everyone inside of Mount Weather is still alive. All of the grounders that we burned or slaughtered are still alive. We don’t have any blood on our hands anymore, we are free.” I gushed as I walked around the room.

Bellamy scoffed, “It’s funny, I never thought I'd associate the ark with freedom, but I think you're right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea just randomly popped into my head the other day and it's probably been done before but I'm trying it out anyways. Let me know if I should continue with it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "On this time, I can make it right. With one more try. Can we start again?" - Start Again by Red

After spending the majority of the afternoon with Bellamy and Octavia, I decided that it would be best for me to head back home. I didn’t want to raise any suspicion or risk being locked up in solitary for being ‘crazy’.

Bellamy and I planned to meet up at exactly 9pm the next day in order to discuss how to go about this new life we’ve been thrust into. My mother and father would both be working at that time, allowing me to be able to sneak out undetected. I also planned on having Wells reprogram my ID keycard so that I could travel to and from Factory Station freely. He wouldn’t like it, but I knew he’d do it for me.

We decided to spend the time apart speaking to different members of the 100 to see if any of them could remember what had happened. While working on a patient with my mother, I made an excuse to travel to Agro Station in order to pick up some herbs. There I knew i’d find Jasper and Monty, both completely clueless as to who I was.

My method to deciphering who remembered and who didn’t was by seeing if they knew my name. Then if they knew who I was, I’d ask them how we met. I explained that I was doing a survey for one of my classes and everyone believed me. I decided that discussing the ground with them only made me sound like a crazier version of Vera Kane, and I did not need them to think of me like that.

After speaking to about twenty members of the original 100, I decided to call it a quits for the night and head home until it was time for me to sneak out and meet with Bellamy. While I was flipping through channels on my Ark TV, there was a knock on my door. I got up slowly and carefully cracked the door open so I could see who was coming by so unexpectedly. To my surprise, it was Bellamy in his cadet uniform.

I smiled, about to say hello and hug him when I noticed how cold his gaze was. It was as if he was looking right through me, like I was invisible, like he didn’t know me.

“Routine inspection, mam.” He said, sternly. I gulped and opened the door to allow him and the two guards he was with enter. The men tore through my room, searching for anything that could be considered contraband. Bellamy came up to me and asked for my ID to scan. I gulped and handed it to him. After he scanned it, he handed it back to me but with a note pressed to it. I slipped the note and the card into my pocket nonchalantly as the other guards emerged from my parent’s room and headed for the door.

“All clear, thank you for your cooperation ma’m.” The first guard said. I waved at them and shut the door behind them as they left. Once they were gone I ran over to the couch and pulled out the note. It was written on a scrap piece of paper.

_Went to the skybox again, turns out we really are alone in this. I can’t meet you tonight like I’d planned, Shumway changed my schedule last minute. I’ll see you tomorrow at the same time. Don’t worry, I could never forget you._

_-Bell_

I closed the note and held it close to my heart, several tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I truly thought something had happened to cause him to forget about me too. I don’t think I could do this over again without him.

I slipped the note into my pocket and pretended to have fallen asleep on the couch when my parents came home from work. I heard them kiss and part ways as my mother went into their room and my father came over to scoop me up into his arms. I rested my head against his chest, and relished in the sound of his heart beating. I never thought I’d hear that heartbeat ever again, but there it was. This was magical.

My father tucked me into bed, placing a small kiss upon my forehead. I still pretended like I was asleep despite wanting to jump up and hug him. He pulled the covers over my body and flicked my nose with his finger before he got up to turn off the light.

“Goodnight Clarke, I love you.” He whispered into the dark.

Just as the door was closing I smiled, “Goodnight dad, I love you too.”

\--

When I woke up, I immediately went to visit Wells. I needed to have him change my Ark access on my keycard before anyone else got too suspicious. If Shumway was changing Bellamy’s guard rotation, I had to be more careful. I could get locked up for being crazy, but Bellamy would get floated.

“Hey Wells.” I said as he opened the door. He moved to the side, inviting me in. I glanced around the place, his father was gone as usual.

“I need you to do my another favor.” I said, earning an eye roll from Wells.

“Is this about this guy from Factory Station because I swear he’s bad news Clarke.” Wells said. I crossed my arms and huffed, he didn’t know Bellamy at all.

“Actually this is about Bellamy. I’d like you to change the access codes on my keycard so that I can visit him more frequently.” I replied, coldly. I probably shouldn’t have sounded so harsh but I couldn’t help myself. Everyone made assumptions about Bellamy just because of his class on the ark. After being on the ground for so long, that stuff didn’t matter to me anymore. Everyone is the same on the ground, the only difference is whether you are strong enough to live or too weak and die.

“Clarke I can’t keep doing this, it’s not necessarily legal.” He said as he took the card from my hands.

"It’s not necessarily illegal either.” I said, following him over to his father’s desk. I watched as he scanned the card and worked to change it’s settings.

“So is he the reason why you turned me down for the masquerade ball?” Wells asked. The truth was, I couldn’t remember why I’d turned Wells down for that two years ago. All I remember was that I decided it would be best for me to stay home that night. Apparently I hadn’t missed much, there was a solar flare alert so the party was cut short and Octavia was locked up. _Octavia_.

“Well? Is he?” Wells asked. I shook my head, snapping out of my thoughts. It would make sense if I said that was the reason, then maybe Wells would understand why I was so obsessed with going over to Factory Station. Maybe if I lied and said I was secretly dating Bellamy I’d give me more of an excuse to go see him?

“Wells, I didn’t want to hurt you.” I began, he stopped working to look at me with a worried gaze. He knew what was coming, but there was no going back now.

“He and I just sort of happened. It was quite unexpected, really. We hated each other at first, he was such a jerk and a control freak but then we spent an entire day together and he just grew on me. He kind of saved my life and I guess I saved his as well. He showed me a lot about myself and understood me better than anyone. Now I don’t know how to live without him. I tried for awhile, but I always find my way back to him. I’m so sorry Wells.” I said, shocking myself with the words spilling out of my mouth. Wells returned to typing into his father’s computer, not being able to look me in the eyes.

“Wells-”

“No, Clarke. It’s okay, I just want you to be happy. If he makes you happy, then it’s alright.” He said, obviously not meaning it. He handed me my keycard with the new access codes and then went into his room, slamming the door behind him. I knew he’d forgive me eventually, he always did, but it still hurt seeing myself out of his house. This was the best way to protect everyone involved. I just hoped that Bellamy wouldn’t be angry with me for coming up with this lie without consulting him first.

I spent the rest of the day helping my mother in the medical bay to keep my mind off of Bellamy and Wells. There was nothing else I could do until I met up with Bellamy that night anyways. My mother didn’t notice any abnormal behavior in me which was good, she could usually sense that kind of thing.

“Hey mom, I think I’m going to call it a night.” I said as the clocked said 8:30pm. She nodded, dismissing me. I made my way quickly back to my house to change out of my scrubs. I slipped back into my standard clothes and headed for the door. My reflection in the refrigerator door, halted me. I walked up to it, barely recognizing myself. I wasn’t this girl anymore.

I reached behind my head and took out the braid, allowing my long waves to show. I took about a centimeter wide of hair that was framing my face on each side and pinned them to the back of my head like I had on the ground. I smiled at my reflection before heading out the door towards Factory station.

Almost everyone on Alpha Station was settled into their homes at this hour, but I was still able to slip into Factory Station unnoticed. On the other hand, Factory Station was bursting with life. I hadn’t realized that they never stopped working down here. I smiled at everyone I met, blending in with them better now that my hair wasn’t so sleek and proper.

I checked the time on the wall just before I knocked on the Blake’s door. It took him a minute to answer, but then once I saw his face, I instantly felt relieved. Bellamy ushered me inside, looking both ways before shutting the door.

Octavia was sitting at the table sewing someone’s work uniform and Aurora was no where to be found. Bellamy went over to the kitchen to pour me a glass of water and then sat next to me.

“So I spoke to all of the hundred that were already in lock up and they had no idea who I was. I also found an excuse to see Raven and she had no idea what I was talking about either. Did you have any luck?” He asked anxiously. I knew he was hoping that I would have some good news, but my results were the same as his.

“No, I went to see Jasper and Monty in Agro Station but they didn’t recognize me. It truly is just you and me.” I replied, crushing his hopes. He ran his fingers through his hair, allowing it to become messier, the way I liked it.

“There’s something else you should know.” I started, gageing his mood before I dropped this bombshell on him. Bellamy took a sip of the water.

“I had to tell Wells that we are secretly dating.” I admitted, causing him to choke on the water. I reached out to pat on his back but he jumped out of his chair coughing.

"What?” He asked through fits of coughing.

“I’m sorry, he was getting suspicious as to why I dumped him for the masquerade ball and why I wanted to come over here so much.” I explained. He wiped the water off of his lips before clearing his throat and sitting next to me again.

“I know I should have consulted you about it first but-”

“Clarke it’s totally fine, it was a really good idea. I’m just surprised, that's all.” He said, resting his hand on mine. My breath hitched at the touch.

“But if we are going to do this, we are doing it right.” He added. I raised my eyebrow as he got up and dug in the closet for something.

“Sorry O, but there’s no way in hell you’re going to that masquerade ball.” He said, Octavia shrugged her shoulders, not caring about it. I was sure Bellamy told her what had happened last time so all of her interest in leaving their room was gone.

“Clarke,” He began, holding out the mask he’d given Octavia the first time, “Will you do me the honor of going to the masquerade ball as my fake date.”

I giggled at how dramatic he was being and accepted the mask from him, “Yes.”

Bellamy pulled me in for a hug and playfully picked up up off of my chair to spin me around the room. I laughed as he messed around, pretending like he’d just proposed to me. He was being such a good sport about this.

“The night is going to get cut short though, stupid solar flare alert. Would you like to come back here afterwards?” He asked.

“Sure! Sounds like a blast!” I said.

“So it’s a date?” He asked.

I smiled, “It’s a date.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to continue because why not? Thank you all for the kudos and comments :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm cheeky and used the same songs from episode 1x06 for this chapter. The first song is called Down the Road and it's by C2C. This is the song that plays when Octavia and Bellamy enter the dance in 1x06. The next song is from episode 1x01 when Clarke wakes up in the glowing forest. Its called Promise by Ben Howard. The third song is also from 1x06 and it's the song that plays when Octavia is dancing and the lights come on for the solar flare alert. This song is called When a Fire Starts to Burn and it's by Disclosure.
> 
> I highly recommend listening to these songs in order while you read this chapter. It really connects you to the moment.

I stood still in front of my mirror, staring at my reflection. Despite the fact that my slate was wiped clean and I got to start over, I wasn’t this girl anymore. The fragile Clarke Griffin who lived on The Ark with her loving parents was gone inside. I still felt the burden of what I’d done in Mount Weather on my shoulders. For all I knew, I could wake up on the ground tomorrow with all of my scars restored. But if I was thrust back onto the ground, the first thing I would do is come home to Bellamy. I never should have left him.

“Clarke! Bellamy is here!” My dad called out from the kitchen. When I told my parents about Bellamy and I they took it a lot better than I imagined. My dad suspected that a boy had something to do with my weird behavior lately. They decided there was no point in arguing with me about it because I was just going to go behind their backs. I was just glad that it was one less thing to worry about. I ran my fingers across the soft-cotton fabric of my shirt. It was a gray tank top with blue swirls embroidered on it that my parents got me for my birthday last year. I paired it with black leggings and my standard boots. The masquerade ball wasn’t a formal event, but we were still expected to look better than we would on a normal day.

I headed towards my door, only to realize that the mask was sitting on top of my dresser. I turned around and made my way over to pick it up. It was so intricate and beautiful; it must have cost Bellamy so many ration points. It almost felt wrong when I placed the mask over my tired eyes. This was supposed to be for Octavia, it was supposed to be her night. She deserved to be free and find love like she had on the ground. Bellamy and I would do whatever it took to make sure she got to go to Earth again.

I heard a faint knock on my bedroom door, startling me for a moment. I shook my hands to try and calm my nerves before opening the door and coming face to face with Bellamy. He wasn’t wearing his guard uniform, instead, he had on a nice blue collared shirt that matched my mask and black jeans. His mask was almost identical to mine but it was completely black.

“You look stunning.” He said, holding out his arm to escort me with. I linked my arm around his and walked side by side with him out into the kitchen.

“Let me get some pictures really quickly. Your mother will never forgive me if I don't get pictures for her to see.” My dad said while he fumbled with the camera. I felt a blush creeping up my cheeks because Bellamy and I had never had a picture of us taken together before. The last picture of me that I saw was one that Octavia found in the hands of the Mountain Men. It was of Lexa and I riding our horses and circled as targets for a shooter.

_Lexa._

I was angry with her at first. The fact that she left me, Bellamy, and all of my friends to die at the hands of Mount Weather was so heartbreaking for me. We were beginning to fall in love and we were talking about our future. I was going to go with her to Polis and then who knows where, but she left and she never came back.

After awhile of traveling on my own and reflecting on what had happened, I realized that if I were in her shoes I couldn't say that I wouldn't have done the same thing. If I felt like making a deal with the mountain was the only way to save my people, I would have done it too.

Maybe it’s a blessing that Lexa and I never worked out. We would have always had to choose between our love for each other and our love for our people. Lexa wasn’t ever going to change. She would always be the ruthless commander of the grounders that devoted her life to keeping her people safe. No amount of my love would ever be able to change that.

The camera flashed, snapping me out of my thoughts. I glanced over at Bellamy who was in the middle of telling some joke to my father and smiled. Bellamy was always at my side, no matter what choices I made. Even if he disagreed with me, he would stand by me and defend me until the bitter end. I know I broke his heart when I left him, just as Lexa had broken mine when she left me. Maybe what I didn’t realize on the ground was that everything I needed was right beside me all along. Bellamy was my other half whether I liked it or not. The bottom line was that no matter what obstacles we faced, even obstacles like returning to space, he would always be there for me.

“Are you ready to go, Clarke?” He asked. I smiled and nodded. My dad waved to us and told us to be careful. Bellamy opened the door for me and lead me out into the hallway. The masquerade ball would be taking place in the main hall in Alpha Station. Every teenager and their date on The Ark were invited to this ball that was held in honor of Unity Day. Unity Day was tomorrow and the masquerade ball was the kick off for it.

“So you went as a member of the guard last year, why aren’t you this year?” I asked. It was a reasonable question considering the fact that just because Octavia wasn’t going didn’t mean his cadet unit would change as well.

“Back when I brought Octavia to this thing, I’d spent the entire day trying to convince Shumway to allow my cadet unit to patrol the event. This time I didn’t have to do that, I had the night off anyway.” He explained. I smiled at how sweet it was for him to go to the moon and back for Octavia. It was such a shame that the night had to end on such a horrible note. He never meant to hurt her.

I realized that we were getting closer to the ball as several teenager ran past us towards the thumping music echoing through the halls. Bellamy’s smile widen and suddenly he was pulling me down the corridor towards the room. When we got there the music and lights surprised me. I forgot what a party on The Ark was like. There had to be several hundred people dancing around the room. My eyes scanned the crowd, trying to find members of the 100. The first person I saw was Jasper. He was easy to notice because his ‘mask’ was simply his goggles.

Bellamy could tell that I wanted to reconnect with Jasper again, so he lead me across the dancefloor and towards him. When we arrived, he lifted his goggles off of his eyes and smiled.

“Jasper!” I exclaimed. He pulled me in for a hug and my heart started to race at the thought of him finally recognizing me.

“Itssss the doctorrr girll.” He slurred. I pulled away and noticed how bloodshot his eyes were; he was stoned. Of course he was high, that’s what he and Monty got locked up for. They were growing drugs in Agro Station. I shook my head and backed away from him while he took a hit of whatever drug was in the vile he was holding.

“Do you want to dance?” Bellamy asked, sensing my disappointment. I shrugged my shoulders as he pulled me away from Jasper. The song was face paced, causing everyone in the room to cheer and jump around.

_Have no place to go,_

_Have no place to go,_

_Darling._

_Have no place to go._

_Have no place to go_

I felt like my heartbeat was thumping at the sound of the bass echoing off of the walls as I danced my way towards Bellamy. I began to sway my hips and flip my hair back while my body connected to the music. Bellamy seemed unsure of himself at first, keeping at least an inch between us at all times, but when I wrapped my arms around his neck, his hands suddenly found my hips. I started to get lost in the music, almost like I was high on the sound. I closed my eyes and focused on the sensation of his hands gripping my sides.

_Goodbye baby_

_Yes I'm going_

_Haha_

_Yes I'm going_

Everyone in the crowd started to get closer together as the song transitioned into the chorus. Before I knew it I was chest to chest with Bellamy, dancing up against him. All of the stimulation from him and my surroundings just made me let loose even more. My fingers laced through his hair and then traveled down to his chest. He let his hands slip slightly underneath my shirt and grip onto my waist. I responded by grinding up against him, shimmying down towards the floor and then back up again. When the crowd parted slightly, he took the opportunity to send me spinning outwards. Once his arm was completely extended, he spun me back around again so that my body would crash back into his. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me tightly against him. I could feel how our shirts were now soaked with sweat, making this dance ten times sexier.

_Have no place to go_

_Have no place to go_

_Darling_

I looked into his eyes through his mask, longing for him. We were in a trance, completely mesmerized by each other and connected by the music. For a moment, I thought he might actually kiss me, but instead he lifted me into the air and spun me around. I threw my head back laughing and extended my arms so I could feel the air rush past me. As the song started to die down, he slowly brought me back down to the floor.

We took a moment to catch our breath as the song changed. I didn’t know what came over me, but I’d completely shut down and let loose for a moment. I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually done that. Plus I had dirty danced on Bellamy Blake. My cheeks blushed as I thought about how close we had been to one another. I never meant for things to go that far, but surprisingly he didn’t seem bothered by it. He looked like he’d do it over again in a heart beat if the music picked up again.

“We are going to slow things down for a bit.” The DJ announced as he flipped on the next track. Bellamy held out his hands, asking me to dance again. I accepted, placing my hands around his neck while he wrapped his arms around and swayed with me to the song.

_And meet me there, with bundles of flowers,_

_We'll wade through the hours of cold_

_Winter she'll howl at the walls,_

_Tearing down doors of time._

_Shelter as we go..._

I rested the side of my head against his chest and closed my eyes, focusing on the sound of his heart beat. It was quick at first from the dance before, but as we continued to sway back and forth it gradually slowed. He rested his chin on top of my head and hummed to me with the music.

_And promise me this:_

_You’ll wait for me only,_

_Scared of the lonely arms_

_That surface, far below these birds._

_And maybe, just maybe, I’ll come home..._

I thought about every moment I’d ever spent with him. This song reminded me of the peace I felt laying next to him after he’d saved me from Dax and admitted his insecurities. We’d slept under that tree for hours, my head finding his shoulder at some point during the night. I’d woken up before him and pretended to fall asleep with my head against the tree so that I wouldn’t ruin whatever was starting between us. That was the first time I’d ever felt close to him.

_Who am I, darling to you?_

_Who am I,_

_To tell you stories of mine_

_Who am I?_

Bellamy pulled me closer to him and placed a soft kiss to my forehead. I nuzzled my head against his chest to tell him that I’d liked that. He took one of his hands and brushed the hair out of my face. I pulled my head away to look up at him. He was about a head taller than me and I’d always liked that about him.

_Who am I, darling for you?_

_Who am I_

_To be your burden_

_Who am I, darling to you?_

_Who am I?_

_I come alone here_

The song began to wind down and I took the opportunity to take a mental picture of this moment. If I woke up tomorrow and remembered nothing like the people on the ark, I’d want to remember this moment.

“Princess…” Bellamy whispered. I smiled and pulled him in for a hug as the song ended. The silence quickly ended as the party picked up again, but Bellamy and I stayed in a hugging position for a few moments longer. He was about to say something when the song caused his body to tense.

_When a fire starts to burn, right, and it starts to spread_

_She gon' bring that attitude home_

_Don't wanna do nothing, what they like_

“Bellamy, what’s wrong?” I asked. He gulped and glanced around the room. People started to bump into us and Bellamy clenched his fists. I knew that if I didn’t get him out of there soon he’d end up getting arrested and floated for assaulting someone. I clutched onto his arm and drug him off of the dancefloor. He reluctantly allowed me to pull him into the corner of the room.

_When a fire starts to burn, right, and it starts to spread_

_She gon' bring that attitude home_

_Don't wanna do nothing, what they like_

“Bellamy. I need you to talk to me. What is wrong?” I asked desperately as I caressed his face. He pulled his mask off and hung his head.

“This is the song. The solar flare alert is going to happen in about thirty seconds. This was when I lost O.” He whispered. I lifted his chin up and forced him to look me in the eyes.

“Bellamy listen to me, Octavia is fine. She’s not going to get taken this time.” I said. He nodded and suddenly, just like he’d predicted, the music shut off and the lights all turned on. Everyone groaned in displeasure as the night was interrupted. I reached down and held Bellamy’s hand, knowing that the flashbacks from this moment would haunt him.

“Solar Flare Alert! An x-class solar flare has begun on the starboard side of the ark. All citizens must report to the nearest shelter zone immediately. This is not a test. This is a solar flare alert.” A voice repeated over the intercom. All of the doors opened revealing extra guard detail and Lt. Shumway. Bellamy growled at the sight of Shumway but I held him back.

“You all know the drill. Masks off, ID Chips out.” Shumway said. I took off my mask and pulled out my ID chip while Bellamy did the same.

“It’s going to be okay. Octavia knows to hide under the floor.” I whispered. He nodded and stood tall as Shumway made his way over to us.

“Ah, Miss Griffin and Mr. Blake.” Shumway said as he snatched our ID chips. I watched as the scanner buzzed and showed my Ark Profile. He did the same for Bellamy’s confirming our identities which he already knew.

“All clear. Head home and wait it out in your shelter station until the chancellor announces that you can come out.” He instructed us as he made his way towards Jasper. My eyes widened as Bellamy tried to get me out of there as quickly as possible.

“Are you high?” I heard Shumway asked. Several guards immediately ran towards Jasper, arresting him on the spot.

“Jasp-” I started to scream but Bellamy covered my mouth pulled me out into the hallway. I tried to wrap my head around everything that just happened and how Bellamy wasn't even shocked.

“You knew they were arresting him tonight, didn’t you? Now they are going to go after Monty! We could have done something!” I screamed at him, pushing him away.

“Yeah I knew, Clarke. I was going to help him until I realized he was already long gone by the time we got there. We couldn’t have stopped this one.” He said. I scoffed and stormed off, but he grabbed onto my arm to stop me.

“You could have at least let me try!” I yelled. Bellamy rubbed his temples and pursed his lips.

“There was nothing you could have done! He was getting arrested one way or another, Clarke! You can’t save everyone!” He screamed. I backed away and sucked back the tears threatening to spill. There was a lump in my throat from how upset and angry I was.

“Maybe I should just go home.” I managed to whisper. Bellamy’s eyes pleaded with me to stay, just like he had when I left him to go off in the woods on my own but I could barely stand to be around him right now. He'd betrayed Jasper.

“Can I walk you home?” He asked. I looked away, knowing that if I looked at his sad eyes I’d cave. The truth was, I needed time to process this entire thing alone. He needed to give me space.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t.” I said before turning in the other direction and walking away from him. And just like when I’d left him before, he didn't chase after me or try to stop me.

I glanced over my shoulder as he sulked back towards his house. This wasn’t going to be the fairytale we’d originally thought.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrestled with this chapter for a couple days, wanting to make it perfect for you guys. The response I've been getting for this fic has blown me away and inspired me to keep it going. I'm going to try my best to update as frequently as possible because I know what it's like waiting months for fics to be updated. I don't have a beta so my mistakes are my own and I'm doing my best to catch them all but I'm not perfect. Let me know what you think of this chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I woke up in another life, where nothing's really dangerous. And everything is black and white, and no one even knows." -Nightmare by Miley Cyrus

I sat in my bed, staring at the wall as the clock on my dressing ticked. _Time._ Why am I the one that gets more of it? What did I ever do to deserve that?

_tick_

I flinched as my door cracked open and my father stepped in. He was quiet, studying me before saying anything. He was always careful about his words, which was probably why his video message gave so many people hope when my mom aired it on the Ark channel.

“Hey, kiddo. It’s Unity Day, why are you spending it all alone and in the dark?” He asked. I didn’t tear my eyes away from the clock.

_tick_

Jasper and Monty were probably going through intake right now. I remember how terrified I felt, getting shoved into a cell with no way out. I felt hopeless. They probably felt hopeless.

_tick_

What was the point of having more time if I couldn’t use it to save the people I loved? It shouldn’t be this difficult to protect everyone from events we are already aware of. Why didn’t Bellamy try harder? Why didn’t he tell me?

My dad followed my gaze to the clock and slowly made his way over to it to turn it off. It froze at 9:36am.

“Talk to me, sweetie.” He said, taking a seat on the end of the bed. I folded my hands in my lap and hung my head.

“Do you believe in second chances?” I asked him. He cracked a smile and rested his hand on mine. I noticed his watch, something that he’d given me just before he was floated. It was still ticking, he still had time.

“Yes, Clarke. Yes I do.” He said, squeezing my hand a little before releasing it. I looked up at him for the first time and studied his face. I’d almost forgotten what he looked like after being on the ground for so long.

“Do you believe that it’s possible to fix what you’ve done in the past?” I asked him. The question probably sounded stupid, but I needed his advice on this, I needed him to understand.

“You shouldn’t focus on the past. Turn your attention to the future instead. It’s not good to dwell on things that are out of your control.” He said. I bit my lip and nervously scratched my arms. But the past was in my control now, I had to focus on it.

“What’s bothering you?” He asked. I desperately wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn’t. Even if he believed me, it would just lead to chaos. He’d probably go and tell the Ark everything, they’d call us both lunatics and our fates would be the same: I would be locked away until they sent us to the ground and he would be floated.

“It’s nothing. Thank you for your advice.” I said, leaning in to hug him. He wrapped his arms around me and I never felt more safe.

“If you ever need to talk, about anything, you know where to find me.” He said as he pulled away. I nodded as my eyes welled up with tears. It was dark enough that he didn’t notice.

“Your mother and I are going to the mess hall for the Unity Day ceremony. Are you coming?” He asked as he opened the door. I shook my head and laid back down in bed.

“Maybe later, I just want to be alone for awhile.” I replied.

“Alright, see you later kiddo. I love you.” He said.

“I love you too.”

\--

After several hours of contemplating whether or not to leave my bed, I decided to head over to the Blakes to spend the rest of the evening with Octavia. The odds were that Bellamy was out on patrol and Aurora was out partying with the rest of the Ark, so I could spend some alone time with her. I needed to get my mind off of all of the pain running through my head.

It was difficult looking at her now, knowing that the last thing she ever said to me on the ground was that we were done. I don’t blame her, I should have warned her about the Ton DC bomb but I left her to die. That wasn’t my best moment, but I had faith in Lexa and I needed to keep Bellamy safe at all costs.

Bellamy and I hadn’t really talked about the Ton DC bomb. I was sure Octavia told him that I left her to die, but he hasn’t treated me any differently. I don’t understand it.

Soon enough I found myself at the Blake’s doorstep. I knocked on the door three times, only to receive no answer. There wasn’t anybody nearby so I took the opportunity to call out her name. Several minutes later, the door cracked open and a frightened Octavia invited me inside.

"Bellamy’s not here.” She said as she returned to her seat at the table. She was in the middle of sewing a beautiful navy dress.

“I didn’t come to see Bellamy, I came to see you.” I said, taking a seat across from her. She raised her eyebrow at me but then shrugged her shoulders. She was probably happy to have the company on a holiday that’s supposed to be spent with family.

“You probably don’t believe me, but we were close on the ground.” I told her. She continued to sew, not looking me in the eyes.

“A lot of amazing things happened to you. Did Bellamy tell you?” I asked. She glanced up, her eyes now sparkling with curiosity,

“All he told me was that I got locked up for going to that ball, he snuck down on the dropship to protect me, there are survivors on the ground, and he shot the chancellor.” She said. I smiled, thinking about all of the wonderful things that happened to her.

“Do you want to know?” I asked her.

“On one hand, yes, I’d like to know I had a life better than this, but on the other hand, I want to be surprised.” She replied before taking a deep breath, “You can tell me one thing. Just one, that’s it.”

I sat there for a few moments, pondering what the best thing to tell her would be. I could tell her about Lincoln and how she fell in love, or about our relationship, or about the grounders. I glanced over at her as she sadly stitched the dress and I instantly knew what to tell her.

“You found where you belonged down there, with the grounders. They helped you find yourself. It was amazing watching you grow and learn from them. You could speak their language almost fluently, your hair was in these beautifully intricate braids, and you were amazing with a sword. But most of all, you were happy.” I told her. She smiled, her cheeks turning a light pink color at the thought.

“Hey Clarke?” She asked.

“Hmm?”

“Do you think you could show me those braids?” She asked. I eagerly jumped out of my seat and let her hair fall into my hands. I tried to picture exactly what she looked like the day I left camp. The top of her hair was pulled back into a fishtail braid while the sides of her hair had tiny braids that flowed to the back of her head. I did the best I could to recreate them, but the grounders were much better at it than I was.

“Bellamy doesn’t shut up about you.” She said while I tugged on a braid. I stopped what I was doing, surprised by what she had said.

“I don’t know what happened between you two last night, but my brother’s a wreck. You should talk to him.” She added. I knew that I couldn’t avoid Bellamy forever, and I didn’t want to, I just didn’t know what to say. He let Jasper get locked up and didn’t even bother to tell me. I needed some time to process it all and put myself back together.

“I’ll figure it out tomorrow.” I replied, continuing with her hair again.

“He told me about how you left him after Mount Weather too.” She said, making my bones freeze with the memories. That was when I realized, right now I was doing exactly what I had done on the ground, avoiding Bellamy as a means to solve my problems. I was using him as a source to channel my anger towards, but that wasn’t fair to him. All he did was try to keep me safe and happy, and look at the thanks got. If he treated me the way that I treated him for every shitty thing I’ve done, we’d never speak again. Instead he forgives me for everything.

“It was a mistake.” I whispered, trying to hold back the tears. Octavia reached her hand back and gently placed it on mine.

“Don’t make the same mistake again.” She said softly. I squeezed her hand, so happy to have her back in my life. I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

\--

The sound of a door opening shook me out of my sleep. I groggily tried to get a sense of where I was because I definitely wasn’t in my room. Laying against me, sound asleep, was Octavia. We must have dozed off watching a movie on the Ark TV. Octavia’s tiny body was pressed up against mine and I could feel her chest rise and fall. The bed was small, only a twin sized so we barely fit, but I was comfortable.

The person who’d come in the door was none other than Bellamy. He was in his guard uniform and he looked exhausted. He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. The light from the fridge shined on his tired eyes, causing him to squint. I watched him closely, careful not to let him know that I was awake. He leaned against the fridge, his eyes finding Octavia and I on Octavia’s bed. He quietly set the glass down on the counter and approached us. I squeezed my eyes shut, still pretending that I was asleep when he came over and put a blanket over me. Octavia had been hogging all of the sheets, so it was nice to finally have some warmth.

I felt Bellamy’s hands linger over me for a moment longer before he cleared his throat and pulled away. He brought down his bed, which was stored in the wall, and collapsed onto it. He didn’t even bother taking off his guard uniform.

I rolled over onto my side to face him instead of Octavia. Octavia groaned and shifted her position when I released her, but she didn’t wake up. I noticed how Bellamy’s body was turned towards the wall. Despite that, I still felt better having him so close by. Not long after he laid down, he was fast asleep. I closed my eyes again, focusing on the sound of his breathing to help soothe me to sleep.

\--

Octavia and I woke up simultaneously to the aroma of pancakes floating around the room. Bellamy was standing in the kitchen in nothing but his boxers and an old t-shirt baking the cakes. I giggled at the sight of him, swaying his hips as he traveling around the kitchen to get more cooking supplies. He was humming some song that I hadn’t heard before and he was apparently in a very good mood.

“Are those homemade pancakes?” Octavia gasped, sitting up before I did. I rubbed my eyes and snuggled under the sheets. The bed shifted as Octavia climbed out and made her way into the kitchen.

“Yeah, I know they are expensive but I wanted to make them for you guys.” He said, looking at me as he talked to her. I slowly climbed out of bed too and trudged sleepily into the kitchen. Octavia and I took seats at the counter across from him, watching as he tried to flip the pancakes in the air.

Once one of the pancakes were done, he set them on two plates and then reached in the fridge for some blueberries (another expensive food item on the Ark).

He took the blueberries, careful not to let us see what he was doing, and created something on the plates. Once he was done, he carefully placed it in front of me and one in front of Octavia’s. He made a smiley face out of the fruit on Octavia’s place which made her playfully take one and throw it at him. He caught the blueberry in his mouth and smirked at her while he chewed it. I looked down at my pancake, expecting another silly blueberry face, but finding a note instead. On the pancake, written in blue berries, it said ‘I’m Sorry’

I glanced up from the pancakes with my mouth gaping open. I didn’t know what to say or how to react.

“I’m going to go see if anything needs washed in mom’s room.” Octavia said, winking at me. I glared at her as she left the room, leaving me alone with her brother.

We were quiet for a moment, both just staring at each other with a loss for words. I noticed how he chewed on the inside of his lip when he was nervous. He tore his gaze away from me for a moment to collect himself and figure out the right words to say.

“I should have told you about Jasper, but I honestly thought there was nothing we could do. I had no idea when he started to get high that night so I couldn’t stop it. I considered trying to convince him to leave but if he did, the guards would have caught him stumbling out. I truly am sorry, Clarke.” He said, taking a seat next to me. I thought about everything he’d said for a moment. Bellamy wouldn’t just let Jasper get arrested if there was a way to prevent it and it was stupid of me to even consider that for one second. I was about to forgive him, when he decided to drop a major bombshell on me.

“Plus I figured it would be good for the hundred to get locked up again. Then when we go down to Earth, only the three of us will have to sneak on the drop ship.” Bellamy said. I dropped my fork, causing it to clang on the counter top.

“So that’s your plan? You want the hundred to be sacrificially sent down to Earth again and you want Octavia and I to sneak onto the drop ship with you? Are you insane?” I screamed. Bellamy rolled his eyes and got up to clean some of the cooking supplies he had used.

“See, this is part of the reason why I didn’t tell you.” He mumbled as he put the extra blueberries away.

“We can’t just make these decisions on our own. We were both sent back here together for a reason.” I argued.

“Do you have any better ideas, princess?” He asked, slamming the fridge door shut. I hadn’t thought that far ahead, I was more concerned about saving everyone from the pain on the Ark and preventing my father’s execution.

“Well if you want the original hundred locked up so badly then why not let me get arrested?” I fought back in response. Bellamy rubbed his forehead in frustration.

“Because-”

“Because what, Bellamy?”

“Because I can’t lose you, okay? Not again…” He whispered. I let my clenched fists unravel as Bellamy sunk down to the floor. I slowly got up from my seat and sat down next to him, allowing his head to fall on me shoulder.

“I’m sorry I left you.” I said, referring to after Mount Weather.

“I wanted to go with you. I was planning on going with you up until you asked me to take care of our people for you. It killed me to watch you walk away from everything we’d been through, but I stayed. I stayed back for you.” He admitted. Tears of guilt started to prick in my eyes.

“You’ve forgiven me for so many horrible things, and here I am refusing to forgive you for one mistake. What’s wrong with me?” I whimpered. Bellamy pulled me closer to him, sensing the sadness building up inside me.

“Octavia told you about what happened in Ton DC, didn’t she?” I asked nervously.

“At first I was furious with you because Octavia is my life and you almost let her die, but the more I thought about it, the more I understood why you did it. If you evacuated Ton DC, the entire mission would be lost, and I would have died in the mountain along with all of our people. If the roles were reversed, I would have done whatever it took to protect you too.” He said, looking into my eyes.

“You’re not a murderer, Clarke. You always did what you had to do to protect your people. That’s who you are.” He said, echoing what I’d told him on the ground.

“Bellamy, I forgive you.” I said, curling up closer to him. He let his cheek rest against my forehead, "And I'm sorry."

“I forgive you too, princess.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are going to start picking up from here. Time is going to start catching up to them and Bellamy and Clarke are going to be forced to decide how to handle the Earth situation. Thank you all again for the overwhelming response.


	5. Chapter 5

A few days later, while I was walking through the rec room with Wells, I noticed Bellamy standing against the wall in his cadet uniform. His eyes were scanning to room, but he didn’t seem to notice me.

“Clarke? Are you coming?” Wells asked as he took a seat at a chess table. When I didn’t respond, he followed my gaze towards Bellamy and scoffed when he realized why I was so distracted.

I glanced around the room, trying to find some way to get Bellamy’s attention without getting him in trouble with his supervisors. My eyes landed on a backpack someone had left in the middle of the walkway.

I held my head high, pretending to be distracted as I let my feet slip over the backpack. I fell to the ground, landing hard on my elbows. It hurt more than I originally thought it would, but it was worth it. A crowd gathered around me to see if I was okay so I pretended to be in pain until I saw Bellamy push his way through the group. He got down on his knees and wrapped his arms around me, asking me if I was hurt. I leaned my head against his chest and pretended to be exhausted.

“We need to talk.” I whispered so that only he could hear. Bellamy’s tense body loosened when he realized that I wasn’t actually hurt and that I was just trying to send him a message while he was on duty.

“I’m off tonight at 7. I’ll swing by your house after my shift.” He whispered hastily as he helped me up to my feet.

“Are you going to be alright?” He asked loudly so that the group could hear.

“Yes, I can just walk it off. Thank you, sir.” I replied, giving him a smile. He released me and then went to make the crowd disperse. I turned on my heels and walked back over to Wells, who was still sitting at the chess table. He looked pissed off.

“Nice show.” He muttered. I rolled my eyes and took a seat across from him.

“I had to tell Bellamy something and it couldn’t wait.” I said as I moved my first piece. Wells studied my move before making one of his own.

“What do you see in him?” Wells asked. I shook my head, tired of hearing Wells talk shit on Bellamy.

“Are we seriously doing this again?” I complained, but Wells just crossed his arms and nodded.

“I see a man who’s loyal, honest, trustworthy, brave, and most of all loving. Give it a rest, Wells. My relationship with Bellamy shouldn’t affect our relationship.” I said. Wells pinched his lips together, not having a comeback, so I moved another chess piece in his direction.

I came here today to spend some time with Wells and I didn’t want to waste it arguing about Bellamy. I’ve missed him ever since he died and it ate me alive knowing that his death could have been prevented. If only we had realized what was wrong with Charlotte sooner.

The good news was that both Charlotte and Wells were alive again. Now that we knew that Wells was Charlotte’s emotional trigger, we had a chance to stop the entire ordeal from happening all over again. I could give Wells more time and a better life.

“How was the dance?” Wells asked, trying to break the silence. I sunk back in my chair, instantly feeling guilty because I turned him down to go with Bellamy.

“It was fun while it lasted. The solar flare put a damper on things.” I replied, taking one of his pieces off of the board. We were quiet for awhile and eventually Wells stopped playing. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking so I waited in silence for him to open up. Several minutes later, he slammed his fists against the table, causing the chess pieces to tumble off of the board. I jumped back into my seat.

“Look, Clarke, if it isn’t obvious, I like you. I guess I thought you liked me too, so that was why I asked you to the ball in the first place. I really thought we had a chance, but then Bellamy came along and I totally didn’t expect it. I’m sorry if I’m bitter about the whole thing, it’s just hard watching the girl I care about care for someone else.” Wells admitted. Shocked, I reached across the table and rested my hand on his to comfort him. “I just thought you should know.” He added, pulling his hand away.

“Wells, I love you, I really do, but with Bellamy...I can’t describe it. He makes me feel so free and so alive. He also understands my pain and is the only person who can help me overcome it. You need to know that we aren’t going anywhere so you can move on. I want you to be happy Wells.” I said sincerely.

Wells nodded, “I guess it’s just hard because I see the way you look at him and I can’t stand it because you used to look at me that way.”

I shook my head, denying it. This was all fake, I didn’t have feelings for Bellamy, at least not in the way Wells was suggesting. Bellamy and I were just putting on a good show for everyone around us. Right?

“Come on, you can’t deny it. He’s really into you and you’re clearly very into him.” Wells said. I gave him a small smile and nervously scratched my arms. Bellamy and I were complicated and messy, but I couldn’t deny that we cared deeply for each other. It just wasn’t on an intimate level, at least not yet.

I had considered taking things to the next level with Bellamy several times on the ground, but there was always something that got in the way. At first, it was when I was captured and taken to Mount Weather, then it was when I got back from the Mountain and I was so focused on saving our people, then it was when I pushed him away and I got close to Lexa, and now with this loophole I don’t know if there will ever be a right time to start something with him. Plus I don’t even know if he feels the same way.

“The Rec Room is now closed. Please report to your assigned classes.” A voice said over the loudspeaker. Wells and I were in our final year of school on the Ark. During this year, students didn’t take any classes but they became apprentices for the careers that they selected. I chose to be a medical apprentice and follow my mom and Jackson around while Wells chose to train to be on the council in case one of the council members step down. During school hours we would attend our apprenticeships.

As we were all ushered out of the rec room, I lost Bellamy in the crowd of teenagers. Wells grabbed my hand and lead me out of the side door in order to free us from the crowd. I gave him a quick hug before parting ways with him and heading towards medical.

\--

The entire time I spent in medical that day was a blur. I was definitely half-assing my job, but I didn’t really care. All I could think about was what Wells had said to me and what I was going to say to Bellamy when he came over. He was already trying to come up with a plan to save everyone, but we needed to work together on it.

“Clarke are you feeling okay?” My mom asked as her patient left the room.

“I just have a headache, that’s all.” I lied, rubbing my head. My mom rested her hand on my back and asked Jackson to grab me some medicine.

“Here, take this.” He said, handing me a pill. I pretended to swallow it before putting it in my pocket when they weren’t looking. It was wrong to waste medicine, so I would keep it close to me for whenever I had a real headache.

“I think she needs to lie down.” Jackson said as he looked me over. I nodded, agreeing so that I could go home.

“Alright sweetie, I’ll see you when I get home.” She said.

\--

Seven o’clock couldn’t come quick enough. I spent the rest of the afternoon anxiously pacing around my room, waiting for Bellamy to come by. It was so strange having to wait around in order to see him. All I used to have to do was trudge across camp until I found him. Usually he would just be polishing his guns or hunting something.

“Clarke? It’s me.” He said as he knocked on the door. I eagerly ran to the door, but before I opened it, I took a deep breath and pretended like I hadn’t been waiting anxiously for him all afternoon.

“Come in.” I said calmly, opening the door wider so that he could step inside. He was still in his cadet uniform and the longer I looked at him in it, the more my heart raced. Wait what is wrong with me? This was Bellamy, I was not attracted to him…

I watched as he unzipped his guard jacket revealing a tight grey t-shirt underneath. He was just sweaty enough that the material clung to his torso, but not too sweaty that it was gross. I awkwardly stood by the door and used it to keep myself from falling. My legs were shaking rapidly underneath me at the sight of him. He ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling it enough that it looked sort of like it had on the ground. I was starting to lose it and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. He walked over and set his jacket down on my coffee table before he collapsed on the couch. Okay I’ll admit, he’s attractive, but he’s Bellamy…

“So why did you go through all of that effort and put on that little show just to get me here?” He asked. I took a deep breath and walked over to sit on the chair next to the sofa. Now I had to focus and get down to business, I couldn’t let him distract me anymore.

“So your whole plan for getting all of the original hundred arrested again got me thinking.” I began, trying to get a sense of his mood. He looked exhausted, but his attention on me didn’t waver. I smiled and continued, “So I was thinking, if the universe sent us back here together, obviously it wants us to work together to fix everything. We need to come up with a plan together.”

Bellamy scoffed when I said together, which instantly made me feel guilty, but then he shook it off and sat up to focus. Based on his facial expression, I could tell that he was trying to think of another plan. Whenever he thought really hard about something, his eyebrows furrowed and he tugged on his lower lip slightly with his teeth. He also had a tendency of staring off into nothing while he plotted. I sat back and patiently waited for him to come up with something.

“There has to be a specific event or a trigger that the universe wants us to fix. It has to involve both of us, or else only one of us would have been sent back. It has to take place on the Ark or else the universe wouldn’t have taken us back this far.” He suggested. What he said, made sense; there had to be something that the universe wanted us to fix.

“So you’re suggesting that if we fix this one thing, we will be sent back to the present day?” I asked to clarify.

He nodded, “Do you have a different theory?”

“Well I was thinking, what if it’s not a singular event? We fucked a lot up over the past two years, maybe the first thing was on the Ark and that’s the start of everything we have to fix. We might have to go through everything all over again.” I guessed. Bellamy rubbed his temples trying to process what I just said. Neither of us wanted to experience all of the pain all over again.

“So we need a game plan.The next few months there won’t be anything too terrible that’s supposed to happen, the next big event is my father discovering the Ark is running out of oxygen.” I said.

“So what do we do?” He asked.

“I’m going to spend the next few months trying to come up with a way to save my dad’s life and get everyone on the Ark to the ground safely.” I replied.

“How are we supposed to do that without sounding like lunatics? I’m not getting floated for being crazier than Kane’s mom-” Bellamy ranted.

“I don’t know! I don’t know…” I screamed, instantly regretting my outburst.

Bellamy reached across to place his hand on my knee. He wasn’t one for many apologizes, so gestures like this meant a lot. They were his way of saying that he was sorry and that he cared. I placed my hand on top of his and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Saving my dad was going to be extremely complicated and I couldn’t do it without Bellamy’s support.

“I should probably get home. Are you going to be alright?” He asked. I nodded and stood up to walk him out. I really didn’t want him to go, but he was tired and I understood.

“When’s the next time I’m going to see you?” I asked as we arrived at the front door.

Bellamy smirked, “Miss me already, princess?”

I playfully punched him and said, “No.”

Bellamy fake pouted as I shooed him out the door. Just before I closed it I smiled and said, “Yes.”

He stopped the door with his foot, surprising me. I peaked my head out and raised my eyebrow in anticipation.

“Are you busy tomorrow night?” He asked. I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks as he gave me that look he tended to give girls in order to get what he wanted. Usually I could see past it, but tonight I was completely mesmerized by him.

“No I’m not.” I managed to whisper. Bellamy smirked again, making my heart flutter.

“Good. I’ll pick you up at eight!” He said before walking away and leaving me breathless.

Bellamy Blake was going to be the death of me.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I thought I was going to speed up the time this chapter but I changed my mind and wanted Bellamy and Clarke to have their conversation. Within the next two chapters we will get closer and closer to when Clarke's dad was supposed to be executed. Thank you for all of the kudos and comments! They keep me wanting to update faster!


	6. Chapter 6

It was finally Saturday and my parents decided to spend the day at the Jaha’s watching soccer reruns. They invited me to join, but I opted to stay home and draw. Hanging out with my family and pretending like everything was perfect just wasn’t my thing anymore. The worst for the Ark was yet to come and Bellamy and I still had no idea how we were going to do to prevent the tragedies.

I pulled out my sketchbook started to draw the ground. I drew places that I remembered and loved from when I was there. The first place I drew was the drop ship camp before the war. I remember how beautiful and lush it was; we truly felt like we were the only people in the world when we had arrived.

Then I sketched Camp Jaha and how vibrant it was with all of the Ark survivors making it their new home.

Suddenly I found myself drawing some of the hundred. First I drew a rough sketch of Jasper and Monty on Unity Day. It made me laugh remembering how drunk they were on Monty’s moonshine. Next I drew Octavia. I split the page down the middle and on the right side, I drew her when she got off of the dropship and on the left side I drew her the way she looked when I left her behind at Camp Jaha. I couldn’t wait to show her theses sketches.

My final drawing, or attempt at drawing, was of Bellamy. Every time I would start, I would get frustrated, crinkle the paper, and throw it in the waste basket. Thirty sheets of paper and a full trash bin later, I decided to give up drawing Bellamy. I didn’t know what came over me, but I just felt like I couldn’t do him justice. There was nothing that compared to the real Bellamy.

“Guess who?” Bellamy’s voice rang on the other side of the door. I glanced over at the clock which read 8pm and cursed under my breath. _Had I really been trying to draw Bellamy for five hours?_

My gaze traveled down to my pajamas and I groaned; I didn’t even give myself time to put on nicer clothes or shower. I tried to fluff out my hair but it was no use, I looked like a wreck.

When I opened the door, Bellamy was in a nice grey baseball t-shirt and black jeans. He was holding a present that was wrapped up and smiling brightly at me. I shrunk back and invited him inside.

“Are you ready to go?” He asked, a smile plastered across his face. I cocked my eyebrow and shook my head. Wasn’t it obvious that I wasn’t ready? He looked me over and then shrugged, still oblivious as to why I wasn’t ready to go.

“What? Are you ready?” He asked again. I couldn’t believe that Bellamy hadn’t made fun of me for wearing my pajamas. It was like he was completely clueless to the fact that I wasn’t anywhere near dressed to go out on a date (if this even was a date).

“Bellamy, I’m in my pajamas and I haven’t showered.” I admitted. Bellamy looked over my outfit again but still refused to poke fun at me.

“I didn’t notice.” He said honestly. At first I thought he was joking, but when I looked in his eyes I knew he was dead serious.

“You thought I was already dressed and showered for our-”

“Date? Yes, you look beautiful. How was I supposed to know that beautiful translates to not ready?” He asked as he brushed my greasy hair behind my ear. I blushed and awkwardly stepped back. Now he was calling it a date and I hadn’t put any effort into it. He even got me a fucking gift!

“Bellamy, I’m gross. I’m not going out on our date looking like this.” I rambled.

Bellamy chuckled, “You seem to be forgetting that we were on the ground together for months. We wore the same two pairs of clothes and bathed in a radioactive stream full of sea monsters. If I thought you were beautiful then, why would that change now?”

I swore he was just trying to make me melt. I turned away to try and hide my pink cheeks while he stood there, handsome as ever, anticipating my response. I couldn’t stop thinking about how he just admitted to thinking I was beautiful on the ground.

 _What happened to the Bellamy that despised me? Did he suddenly gain interest in me? Why was he being so kind?_ I decided to avoid any further conversation by rushing into my room and jumping in the shower, leaving him to wander aimlessly around my house.

I showered as quickly as I could and brushed my teeth. I decided to put my hair up in a ballerina bun with a few loose strands framing my face. I put on some light makeup, nothing too drastic, and then changed into one of my nicer outfits. It was a pink tank top and jeans. When I stepped out of my bedroom, I was horrified at what I saw. Bellamy was standing at my kitchen counter with all of the drawings sprawled out in front of him.

“Don’t look at those!” I gasped as I ran over and tried to collect them all. Bellamy seemed to be in a trance, staring intensely at a drawing in the center of them all. It was one of my many failed attempts to draw him. The picture was of him sitting on a log just outside of Camp Jaha. His hair was starting to get really long and he looked exhausted, but he still looked so perfect.

Bellamy slowly picked up the drawing, his eyes seeming to water as he held it in his hands. I took a step back, gulping.

“You came back?” He whimpered. I turned away, unable to look at him now. It was true, I came back several days after I left camp to check on him. I saw him sitting out in the forest, staring intently at the woods as if he was searching for something that wasn’t there. I took a mental picture of him to carry with me when I traveled.

“Bellamy, I’m sorry. I just had to see you one last time before I left I-”

Bellamy’s hand began to quiver with every word I spoke, tears threatening to fall from his brown eyes. Suddenly, he dropped the picture and turned towards me. I backed away as he approached me until my back was stopped by the couch. Bellamy stood there, his lips hovering incredibly close to mine as I sank back, whispering endless apologizes.

“I sat out there every night in case you came home.” He whispered, his breath tickling my lips. I was starting to lose my footing as he rested his nose against mine.

“Bellamy-”

“I swore I could sense you out there. Octavia told me I was just going crazy but it was true, you actually came home. I missed you so much.” He gasped. I tried to nod as he let his hands travel back behind my hair to pull me closer.

“I’m here. I’m right here.” I said breathlessly. He gazed into my blue eyes, and just as I thought he was about to kiss me, the front door opened. Bellamy jumped back as far away from me as possible and awkwardly cleared his throat as my parents entered the house.

“So this is the infamous Bellamy Blake you were sneaking around with.” My mother said as she set her purse down on the kitchen counter. I instantly felt bad for Bellamy having to meet my mother this awkwardly.

“Yes, I’m Bellamy. it's nice to meet you” He said, extending his hand for my mother to shake. Her handshake was firm, catching Bellamy off guard at first.

“Nice to see you again, son.” My dad said as he shook Bellamy’s hand too. Bellamy tried to stand taller when my father called him ‘son’. He clearly felt honored to be addressed that way.

“I don't think I ever thanked you both for allowing us to see each other. We know that dating outside of station is not usually allowed-” Bellamy said nervously.

“Well you’re lucky Jaha likes a good forbidden love story. He said it was fine as long as you don’t call too much attention to yourselves. Plus, he considers the guard to be equal to Alpha so that made him even more lenient.” My mother chimed in. I rolled my eyes at her.

“These are some crazy drawings of the ground.” My dad said as he looked at all of my sketches on the counter. I pursed my lips and tried to stay calm while he paged through each of my pictures.

“You have a great imagination honey.” My mother added as she peered over my dad’s shoulder. I rolled my eyes and made my way over to Bellamy to try and get out of there.

“I’ll see you in a few hours.” I said as I grabbed Bellamy’s hand and pulled him out the door.

“Don’t stay out too late!” My father shouted as we shut the door. I heaved a sigh as soon as we were away from them and apologized to Bellamy for the awkward introduction.

“It’s alright! Are you ready for a night of Bellamy!” He asked. I giggled as he lead me down the corridor and towards Factory Station. He took me to a large window that overlooked the Earth. I smiled at just how beautiful it was from up here.

“This was the first window Octavia ever looked out of. I brought her here before the masquerade ball.” He told me. I smiled as I watched the Earth below us. It was so crazy not being down there anymore. I was actually starting to miss it.

“So I got you something.” Bellamy said. I had almost forgotten about the mysterious gift he’d been lugging around all night. I gently took it from his hands and unwrapped it. Inside was a heart shaped locket with our names engraved on it. I opened it and found the picture of us from before the masquerade ball inside.

“How did you get this?” I gasped. It looked very expense and the picture was taken by my father.

“I snuck into your dad’s office while I was on patrol today to get the picture. Then I got my mother to engrave the locket and fit the picture inside. The locket was actually my great grandmothers. She actually bought it on the ground and passed it down to my mom. It was lost the first time the Ark went to the ground.” He told me. I shook my head. This was all way too much.

“Bellamy, this belongs to Octavia-”

“I know, but she wanted you to have it. She said that you’re part of our family now.” He interrupted me. I couldn’t believe just how precious this gift was. Bellamy undid the clasp and walked behind me so that he could place the necklace around my neck. I gently rested my hand on the locket as his fingers finished hooking the clasp. He rested his hands on my bare shoulders which made my body relax.

“Do you like it?” He asked. I turned around and pulled him in for a hug.

“Bellamy, I love it. Thank you.” I cried. He kissed my forehead and ran his fingers through my hair as I let myself sink against his chest. Everything, this entire moment, it was all perfect.

“Now you’ll have a piece of me no matter where you are. Whether we are together or apart.” He whispered. I held onto him tighter, afraid to let go.

“I’m never leaving you again.” I promised. He kissed my head again.

“Good.” He replied as he laced our fingers together and lead me away.

\--

A night of Bellamy turned out to be a lot more fun than I’d expected. He took me to the Factory station commons area and introduced me to some of his neighbors, then we grabbed something to eat at the only restaurant on the Ark, and then we ended the night by taking a walk down the corridors and talking.

Just as we were rounding the corner that lead to Bellamy’s house, a rush of guards came bolting down the hallway. Bellamy grabbed onto my arm and pulled me to the side so that I wouldn’t get plowed down by the stampede. In a flash they were gone, but Bellamy instantly grew pale and took off after them. It was as if he could sense why they were in such a hurry and where they were going.

I followed closely behind him as we made our way towards the chaos. Bellamy grew desperate as he tried to push his way past all of the guards and get inside of his home. I stopped about ten feet behind the crowd, knowing all too well what was going on. It was as if time stopped and everything was happening in slow motion.

I grasped onto the locket he gave me, tears falling from my eyes as the guards drug Aurora and Octavia out into the hallway. They were on their hands and knees, begging to be released while the guards beat them.

Bellamy was screaming and trying to hit the guards as they pulled his family away from him. I rubbed the tears out of my eyes and ran to Bellamy, knowing what I had to do: I had to stop him before he got floated for assaulting a guard.

When I made it to him, he was frantic and desperately trying to push past me. With all of the strength I had, I held him back. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but his behavior still made me nervous.

“Bellamy, listen to me, we are going to figure this out. Please don’t do anything that will get you floated.” I begged him, trying to reason with him. My nails were digging into his skin now while they put handcuffs on his mother and sister.

“OCTAVIA!” He sobbed when she glanced over at him with pleading eyes. I’d never seen Bellamy so upset in my entire life, he was losing everything all over again. How was this possible?

Octavia also looked so helpless. The Octavia I knew on the ground had the ability to slay anyone who stood in her way, but this Octavia was terrified and weak. Watching her get torn away from her family broke my heart.

“Take the girl to the sky box and take the mother to the council.” Shumway ordered. Bellamy tried to fight his way past me, but there was no way I was letting him free.

“Please don’t do this! Please!” He wailed as he sunk to the ground, finally giving up. A crowd of people from factory station were starting to circle around to see what was going on. When they caught a glimpse of Octavia, hundreds of murmurs erupted full of gossip and surprise.

“Bellamy!” Octavia cried as the took her away. My heart broke again at the sound of her terrifying plea. Bellamy shook in my arms, unable to speak.

Once Octavia and Aurora were gone, Lt. Shumway approached Bellamy and I. Bellamy was a wreck, crying into my shirt while Shumway chuckled above us.

“Bellamy Blake, you are no longer a cadet for the guard.” Shumway spat, before kicking Bellamy in the ribs. He yelped from the pain and clutched onto me harder as Shumway stormed off. I screamed for everyone in the crowd to leave, and to my surprise they listened to me.

Once they were gone, all was quiet. I glanced down at him, afraid of what I might find as I ran my fingers through his hair. Bellamy had completely shut down. It was as if he was numb to the world and it scared the hell out of me. I rocked him back and forth while I hummed various tunes to try and make him feel better, but nothing was working.

“I’ll talk to Jaha and see what I can do. This isn’t over.” I promised him. He shook his head.

“It’s already over.” He said coldly as he faded a deep sleep on the cold floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the end of Octavia I promise! Bellamy and Clarke just realized that although they could prevent events from happening the first time, that didn't mean they could prevent them from ever happening at all. The next chapter will jump about a month or two like I promised. Bellamy has completely shut down and Clarke needs to find a way to fix everything before it's too late. The date of her father's execution is fast approaching.
> 
> As always thank you all so much for the KUDOS and COMMENTS! I love reading your thoughts and ideas for the story!


	7. Chapter 7

It had been exactly two months since Octavia and Aurora were captured by the guard. Apparently there was a surprise inspection that night that Aurora didn’t know about. Octavia didn’t have enough time to hide before the guards burst through the door.

I did the best I could to try and convince Jaha to pardon them, but he wouldn’t change his mind. Since so many people saw what happened, he said that he had no choice but to punish them both. He wanted to make a scene as a way to prevent other women from trying to have more children. He also said that I was lucky that he wasn’t going to float Bellamy for it. Apparently Bellamy could have been floated for conspiring with his mother to hide Octavia, but Jaha wanted to be generous. His ‘generosity’ that meant Bellamy was discharged from the guard and forced to work as a janitor for the rest of his Ark life.

I wanted to keep trying to save Aurora’s life, but the second Jaha threatened Bellamy’s life, I didn’t push the matter any further. Aurora thanked me for trying and asked me to take care of Bellamy for her while she was gone. I promised her that that was exactly what I intended on doing.

I offered to go with Bellamy to his mother’s execution, but he refused to let me go. He didn’t say much as to why, other than that he needed to do that on his own. I understood, everyone processed grief differently, but I hadn’t realized that that would the last conversation I’d have with him. It was a very distant conversation that ended in him kicking me out of his house and never letting me back in again. 

I promised Bellamy that I would never leave him again, so I refused to give up on him. Every day at least twice a day I would go to his house and knock on the door. I never knew if he was home or not, but I sat outside the door and talked to him anyways. I’d tell him about my day or about how much I missed him, but he never opened the door. After that I would usually walk around Factory Station in case I ran into him working. My mom scolded me everyday for it, but I learned to ignore her.

My mom didn’t want me to ‘be with’ Bellamy anymore since he was a criminal in her eyes. She believed in the council and their stupid laws so much that it made me sick. How could she support a decision to execute a mother for being a mom and to lock up a little girl just for being born? It boggled my mind just how cruel the council could be.

Luckily, my father was on my side. He helped me sneak out of the house everyday so that I could try to reconnect with Bellamy. Even though they only met once, my father was really fond of him.

When I wasn’t trying to get Bellamy back, I spent my time running different plans through my head that would save my dad. I was terrified because although we could prevent the original disasters from happening, that didn’t mean they couldn’t happen at a later date. I would have to spend the rest of my life trying to protect my father from dying.

I rolled out of bed and looked at the date on my tablet. Two months, he hasn’t spoken to me for _two whole months._

I laced up my boots and stormed out of my bedroom. I’d finally had enough of this. Today was going to be the day that I talked to Bellamy whether he liked it or not. I’d kick down his steel front door if I had to. I was done playing nice and I wasn’t going to waste any more time without him.

I stomped towards the front door, ignoring my mother’s comments, and slammed it as I exited. I jogged down the corridors like I owned the place, pushing anyone who got in my way and walking with my head held high. I was a woman on a mission, and I would not stop until I spoke to Bellamy face to face.

“Clarke!” Wells called out to me as I pushed people out of my way. Wells was the last person I wanted to talk to. He could have backed me up while I was pleading for Aurora and Octavia’s releases but instead he just stood there in silence.

“Don’t you dare.” I growled as he tried to cut me off.

“Clarke, I’m sorry okay? I didn’t know what to say, the law is the law.” He apologized. I scoffed, and tried to walk around him but he cut me off again.

“Don’t test me today, Wells.” I snapped as I glared at him. He crossed his arms and tapped his foot, signaling that he wasn’t moving.

“I’m sorry, okay? I truly am sorry.” He repeated. I rolled my eyes.

“No Wells, you could have done something to stop it, but instead you were a coward. I bet you couldn’t wait to back up daddy and the council. Were you hoping they’d give you a council seat like you’ve always wanted? Well congratulations Wells, you proven to me that you’d fit right in on the council. Have a nice life.” I snarled. Before he could respond I pushed him out of my way and bolted down the hallways.

Okay, I’ll admit it, without Bellamy around to balance me out, I was vicious and primitive. I’m the head and he’s the heart, which was exactly why we worked so well together. Without him, my life wasn’t complete and I was tired of feeling empty.

I arrived at Bellamy’s front doorstep and decided to wait patiently outside of it until he came out. He was bond to have to leave or come home, I just had to wait long enough.

Several hours passed and there was still no sign of him. I leaned up against the door and opened my locket, admiring the picture of us inside. He looked so happy back then, I needed that Bellamy back.

The door started to open slowly and my heart pounded in my chest. Just as he was about to step out, he realized that I was there and tried to shut the door on my. I stopped the door with my foot and forced myself inside of the apartment. Once I was inside, I slammed the door closed and stood against it so that he couldn’t get out.

Bellamy ran his fingers through his hair (which was unmanageably long now) and collapsed on a chair. He was wearing his janitor uniform and looked absolutely exhausted. I sat across from him, but kept my eye on him in case he tried to make a break for it.

“You haven’t spoken to me for _two_ months.” I said slowly. I was trying not to sound angry, but I was furious with him. How could he leave me for two months when he made me promise not to leave him?

“You left me for _three_.” He mumbled in retort. I inhaled, trying desperately not to fight him. That was what he wanted, right? He wanted to piss me off so that I would leave him alone. But I wasn’t going to do that. I made a promise to myself, to him, and to Aurora and I wasn’t about to break that promise.

“Cut the bullshit, Bellamy. I know what you’re trying to do and it’s not going to get me to leave.” I said, crossing my arms. Bellamy rolled his eyes and sunk back in the chair.

“Sorry.” He murmured. I nodded, accepting his apology.

“We can’t keep doing this, Bell. You’re so strong and Octavia needs you.” I said. He still sat there motionless.

“Bellamy, I need you.” I admitted. His posture softened and his gaze returned to me at the reminder that I need him.

“I can’t do this without you.” I added, extending my hand across the table for him to take. He hesitated at first, unsure, but then rested his hand on mine. I closed my eyes and smiled, feeling his touch again for the first time in two months.

“What do you need me to do?” He whispered.

“We need to come up with a plan so that we can look out for Octavia and save my father. Do you have any ideas?” I asked him. He shook his head and sighed. I thought about it for awhile. There wasn’t much Bellamy could do for her if he was a janitor and it’s not like he could get locked up (he’s twenty one now? Almost 22? It doesn’t matter…). I watched as he he tapped his fingers on the table.

“I think I know what we have to do, but you’re not going to like it?” I said. Bellamy sat up and grasped my hand tighter in anticipation.

“I can get myself locked up, for something small, and get put in with the general population rather than solitary. If I’m there then I can get to know Octavia and keep her safe. You’d have to stay back and spend time with my dad. I’d need you to convince him not to do anything that will get him floated and do not let him tell my mother about his plans. I’ll give you the exact date that all of this happened the first time so that you know-”

“No way in hell.” Bellamy interrupted me.

I groaned, “Then give me a better idea? This accomplishes what we both want. You can sneak onto the drop ship like you did last time...except maybe try not to kill the chancellor this time?”

"Clarke! I need you too, dammit!" He shouted. I gulped, second guessing my entire plan for a moment, but we couldn't be selfish. We had to do this for Octavia, my father, the hundred, and the citizens of the Ark. We had the opportunity to save them all.

I gave him a sad smile and he shifted in his seat, knowing all too well that I was right. I hated that I was right and I didn’t want to be split up from him for a year, but it was the only way to accomplish all of our goals.

“Maybe we were sent back here together so that we could fix each other’s mistakes. Maybe the reason why we failed the first time was because you were the one trying to prevent your own demise. Can we try it my way?” I begged him.

“Yes.” He said solemnly. I sighed. Now all I had to do was get myself locked up.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this little twist I threw in. I promise a year won't go by forever. It should only be about a chapter or two. Clarke's going to get to know Octavia and Bellamy is going to get to know Jake. Will this new plan work? 
> 
> Keep sending your KUDOS and COMMENTS my way! I love them and appreciate every one of them!


	8. Chapter 8

Tomorrow was the day that I was going to get myself locked up. My plan simple, all I had to do was to steal morphine from the clinic and sell it to Nygel. Nygel hated my mother and would surely turn me in just to spite her.

I knew this would break my mother’s heart for sure, but it was better than getting locked up in solitary for ‘treason’.

I said goodbye to my dad before he went to work and gave him a longer hug than usual. Just in case Bellamy failed to save him, I wanted to make sure I said goodbye properly. He was confused by the gesture, but he hugged me back anyway and told me that he loved me too.

After he headed off to work, I went to spend my last day of freedom at Bellamy’s. He was working all day, but I still went over there anyways. His house made me feel more comfortable than my own. Maybe it was because of how simple the decor was or how it smelled just like him. Whatever it was, I wanted to remember it forever.

The day dragged on and I spent most of the time cleaning or watching stupid tv shows on the Ark TV. The only shows we had were whatever was salvaged from before the Apocalypse. Apparently people on Earth really used to like Sports and Reality TV because that’s almost all we have to watch. I was watching reruns of some show called _The Vampire Diaries_. The concept was stupid, really, but it was the only thing on TV today. I’m not exaggerating, the Ark literally has only one TV channel.

I dozed off several times until an alarm I set on the microwave woke me up. Bellamy would be home in ten minutes and I wanted to make sure everything was perfect. Although we were speaking again, we weren’t speaking much. He was still very quiet, hurt, and distant. I couldn’t tell if it was because of what happened to his family, what I was about to do, or both.

I shut off the TV and straightened my shirt to try and look presentable. I don’t know why I was so obsessed with looking ‘perfect’ for Bellamy now, but I was. I was especially nervous because tonight I would be sleeping over here. I know I did that before, but it was by accident, I slept next to Octavia, and Aurora was in the next room. This was different, Bellamy and I would be completely alone.

I justified spending the night at Bellamy’s because we were going to be separated for over a year. It didn’t take much convincing for Bellamy to agree and allow me to stay the night. I think the major reason he wanted me to stay was to convince me not to go through with my plan. Yeah, he cared about Octavia and the rest of the 100, but he didn’t want me to get hurt in order to protect them.

The door cracked open for the first time today, revealing Bellamy in his janitor uniform. He was covered in the dirt and grime from a day’s work and I felt terrible for him. He deserved so much more than this.

“Hey.” Bellamy said as he entered his house. His voice echoed across the room sending chills down my spine. The house was so empty without Octavia or Aurora that it literally sounded different in here.

I gave him a small smile when we locked eyes and tried not to tear up at the thought of being away from him again.

Bellamy was quiet when he crossed the room and went into his mother’s old room to change clothes and shower. When he reemerged, he was wearing nothing but his boxers. His hair was soaking wet and he shook it out like a dog to try and get it to dry. My face felt hot, but he was too tired to notice.

He scratched his long curls while he walked over to the wall where his bed was stored. I watched as he pulled the bed down and collapsed onto it. The old-metal springs rattled due to his weight. His bed was meant for someone much younger than he, but beds were expensive on the Ark. Even though everything on the Ark was reused and over 100 years old, that still didn’t make it cheap.

Even though Aurora’s room was empty and he could have kept her bed, he still refused to sleep there and sold the bed back to the ration center. I could understand why, it was full of empty memories and the reminder of everything he lost.

Bellamy clearly wasn’t up for talking tonight, which wasn’t surprising because of how exhausted he was. I decided that I should go put on my pajamas and get some sleep too. Tomorrow was a big day and if I was going to pull it off, I had to be sharp and alert.

I picked up my backpack off of the floor and made my way to the bathroom to change. When I opened my backpack and dug through it for my PJs, I realized that I hadn’t even packed them. I cursed at myself under my breath and zipped the bag up again. Who forgets to bring something to sleep-in to a sleep over?

I peered at myself in the mirror, and shook my head at my stupidity before stepping out of the bathroom quietly. Bellamy was laying in bed, engrossed in some book, and didn’t even notice that I came back into the room. I awkwardly pursed my lips and walked around the kitchen, unsure of how to ask him for his clothes.

“You doing alright?” He asked. His voice was raspy because of how tired he was and it made him ten times sexier. But, he still didn’t tear his eyes from the old pages. Most books up here were on our Ark tablets because real novels like that were very rare and very expensive. He probably bought the book when he traded in all of his family’s belongings.

“Yeah, I just forgot my pajamas.” I admitted. Bellamy marked his page and set the book down on the table next to the bed.

“Go in the other room. There’s a dresser on the left hand side. You can wear anything in there.” He said, pointing to Aurora’s door. I nodded and slowly entered Aurora’s room. It was completely empty except for the dresser, which broke my heart.

I carefully opened the dresser drawer and discovered at least ten of Bellamy’s old t-shirts. They would all be too big on me, but they were perfect to sleep in. I chose to wear an old blue t-shirt that fit me like a dress. When I fit my head through it, I couldn’t help but relish in the smell of him. His smell relaxed me and made me feel safe.

I came back into the main room wearing nothing but his t-shirt and panties. Bellamy stared at me wide eyed as I traveled across the room. I tried to avoid his gaze as I pulled Octavia’s bed down from the wall. Sadly, I had forgotten that there wouldn’t be a mattress there anymore.

He cleared his throat, “They took all of Octavia’s stuff to the distribution center too.”

I nodded and stood awkwardly next to his bed. He moved over as much as he could and I knew exactly what he was going to do.

“There’s room here.” He said, gesturing to the bed he was currently laying on. I blushed at the thought of sleeping next to Bellamy. We’d slept near one another countless times, but we’d never slept with each other.

“I mean, I can sleep on the floor if you’re uncomfortable-” He rambled due to my silence.

“No, no it’s totally fine.” I said nervously while climbing into the bed. Even though it was a tiny twin bed, he made it his mission not to touch me. I knew why he was doing it, he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable, but it didn’t feel right. We laid like that, in silence, for about twenty minutes before I decided to flip over and face him. He wasn’t asleep yet and his long arms and legs were all jumbled up. His breathing was staggered, probably from the pain, but he didn’t complain.

“You look miserable.” I whispered. His eyes fluttered open again and my heart skipped a beat.

He chuckled, “I’ll be alright.”

We laid there for a moment longer, gazing into each other’s eyes, both afraid to say anything more. I could hear my heart beating inside my chest as his eyes traced my face. We were so close, God if either of us moved slightly forward, our lips would be together.

“You can touch me, if you want. I don’t mind, honestly.” I stuttered. Bellamy hesitated at first, but then his body relaxed as he wrapped his strong arms around me. I let my arms fall around his waist as he pulled me against his chest. My head rested right above his heart and I intertwined our legs. He pushed his warm body closer to mine and I couldn’t help but notice his bulge resting against my outer thigh. I wanted so desperately to kiss him, but he was already starting to fall asleep.

I closed my eyes and nuzzled my head against him as his chest rose and fell. He sleepily kissed my forehead and left his lips dangerously close to my skin. I didn’t even notice that I was running my fingers up and down his bare back to calm him. I stopped myself, which caused him to groan in his sleep and pull me even closer to him. When I started to rub his back again, he hummed and relaxed again.

“Clarke?” He breathed. I felt a lump in my throat at the sound of my name escaping his lips.

“Yeah?” I asked. He caressed my face and gently kissed my forehead again. His lips felt so warm against my skin and I never wanted this moment to end.

“Don’t go.” He whispered.

“Bell-”

“Clarke... _Please_ , don’t go.” He whispered. His voice cracked a little bit when he said this.

“I don’t want to but-”

“Clarke…” He whispered, holding my face in his hands. I closed my eyes and tried so hard to fight the urge to stay. I couldn’t stay, Octavia needed me and my father needed Bellamy. But I wanted to stay with him and be with him in every sense of the word. I didn’t know when it came over me, but I was falling in love with him. Maybe it was when we danced, or when we went on our date, or even when I sent him to Mount Weather. Regardless, I knew now just how much he meant to me. And it scared me to death.

“I can’t stay.” I whimpered. He tugged on his bottom lip in an attempt to hold back the tears, but it didn’t work. I was breaking my promise to him, but I was doing what was best for the people we love. I bear it, so they don’t have to.

“Clarke, I made a mistake last time by letting you walk away. I even turned around to look at you and almost chased you down, but I didn’t. I’m not going to just let you walk away from me again.” He said.

“You know why we have to do this. If we don’t, my dad will die and Octavia will spend a year frightened with the rest of the 100. I’m doing this for our people.” I whispered. Bellamy rested his forehead against mine and let his hands run down my arms.

“You are my people, Clarke. Hell, you’re _my_ person.” He said sincerely.

“What about Octavia?” I argued. He rolled his eyes, knowing that that was my only line of defense to use to convince him.

“I stopped looking out for Octavia a long time ago. She is stronger than I thought and she had Lincoln to protect her. Now I protect you.” He admitted. I licked my lips as he leaned in closer to me. I didn’t know what to expect until suddenly his soft lips brushed up against mine. It was a subtle kiss, but it was a kiss none the less. He pressed his lips gently against mine but pulled away seconds later. My lips felt like they were on fire and I couldn’t believe what he’d just done. He searched my face, hoping that the kiss would change my mind, but my mind was made up. Someone had to go to lock up and look our people. We couldn’t just stay here and play house. We didn’t have that luxury.

It didn’t take him long to realize that my mind was made up and that his kiss wouldn’t change it. He shook his head and rolled over onto his side so his back was facing me.

“Bellamy?” I managed to get out.

“What?” He mumbled into the pillow. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and kissed the back of his neck.

“I love you.” I whispered. He was quiet for a moment, and I was afraid that I’d said too much. We’d never spoken about our feelings towards one another befroe and here I was, admitting my love for him. I wished that I could take those words back and covered my face in shame until he flipped around and crashed his lips into mine. I let my hands travel up and down his body as we deepened the kiss. Kissing him made me feel more loved than I’d ever felt before. He was a gentle kisser, but very passionate. I climbed on top of him, straddling his body, as I deepened the kiss. Since I was only wearing his shirt and my underwear, there wasn’t much between us. I felt him grow under me which instantly made me want to rip my clothes off, but I didn’t. Instead, I pulled away from him, panting heavily.

“I love you too.” He gasped. I leaned in to kiss him again, but he stopped me.

“But I can’t do this right now, not with you leaving.” He said. I climbed off of him and sighed.

“Clarke, every time you leave, it rips my heart out. If we do this and go all the way with each other and then you just leave? How am I supposed to handle that?” He asked. I understood, it was a lot to ask of him.

“I understand.” I whispered into the darkness. We were both laying on our backs now, staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, I felt him intertwine our fingers on top of the blanket.

“But I’ll wait for you, if that’s what it takes. Truth be told, I’ve been waiting for you all of my life. What’s another year?” He said, trying to sound strong for me. I squeezed his hand tightly and fell asleep with him by my side for the last time...Until we meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little kissing and sexual tension to hold you over until they meet again :) Thank you all so much again for the overwhelmingly positive response! I'm so happy with this fic and where I'm taking it. I have it generally laid out chapter by chapter but I'm always open to your suggestions and feedback. 
> 
> Tbh I like TVD (Seasons 1-3 anyways) but I'm bitter about Eliza losing to Nina last night so I added in Clarke hating the show because I'm a sore loser xD


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning came way too quickly. Luckily, Bellamy was still asleep, so I could relax in his embrace for a little while longer. I giggled at the sound of him slightly snoring and loved the feeling of his arms draped comfortably around my waist. I smiled, realizing that his chin was resting softly on the crook of my shoulder. The last thing I wanted to do was wake him, so I stretched out my toes and pretended to be asleep.

 

“Morning, Clarke.” Bellamy whispered several minutes later. My stomach lurched at the sensation of his breath against my skin. When I turned my head to look at him, our noses collided an awkwardly hilarious way.

 

“I thought you were still sleeping.” I said as I shifted my position on the bed by flipping over onto my stomach. Bellamy remained on his side, watching me closely as I laid next to him.

 

“I woke up three hours ago.” He admitted as he ran his fingers across my back.

 

“Couldn’t sleep?” I asked. He stretched and shook his head.

 

“No, I just wanted to enjoy my last few hours with you.” He said sadly.

 

“Bellamy, it’s not like I’m dying…” I joked, but he didn’t laugh.

 

“Isn’t it crazy how we’ve been trying this entire time to give ourselves a better outcome than what we had before but somehow everything is still finding a way of happening. I’m a janitor again, Octavia was locked up again, My mother was floated for having her again, and now you are getting locked up again. What’s the point of all of this?” He asked angrily. I could tell this was all starting to get to him, but he had to stay focused. We had a chance to save my father and the Ark if Bellamy could just convince them that the Earth is survivable.

 

“I’m trusting you to fix the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly believe that we were sent here together to fix each other’s problems, not our own. Please just trust me.” I said. He leaned in to kiss my cheek.

 

“I do trust you, Clarke. I just don’t like any plan that requires me being separated from you.” He whispered as he climbed out of bed. I felt awful for doing this to him, but I couldn’t change my mind, I couldn’t be selfish.

 

I slowly climbed out of bed too and went to get a shower. This would be the last, private shower I’d ever have and I wanted to enjoy it. In lock up, there are communal showers but they aren’t very nice. Plus they only have cold water in lock up.

 

When I finally got out of the shower, I put my hair back in a braid and slipped into my scrubs. I would be going to work like usual and then at some point in the morning I would steal the morphine. After that I’d find an excuse to go to Nygel and try to sell it to her for extra ration points. My excuse to Nygel would be that I was trying to do something for Bellamy since he lost everything (but Bellamy didn’t know that).

 

When I emerged from the bathroom, Bellamy was sitting at the kitchen counter with a stoic expression. I walked over to him and massaged his shoulders, but he placed his hands on mine to stop me.

 

“I have to go now…” I mumbled. Bellamy hung his head low.

 

“Well I guess this is goodbye.” He said. I crossed my arms and lifted his face to look in his eyes.

 

“Aren’t you coming with me?” I asked, surprised. Bellamy was supposed to take me there to say goodbye.

 

“No, it’s not something I want to see.” He muttered. I scoffed and shook my head.

 

“So you're just going to leave me to do this on my own.” I gasped. He rolled his eyes and got up from the chair in frustration, only making me angrier. 

 

“Goodbye Clarke.” He said without looking at me, before storming off into his mother’s room and slamming the door. I waited for him for another five minutes, hoping that he would change his mind, before giving up and heading for his front door. When I opened it, I hesitated to walk out the door, but he wasn’t there to stop me. Tears welled up in my eyes at the thought of that being our goodbye. _How could he be so cold like that the morning after he told me he loved me?_

 

I slammed the front door shut and then leaned up against it, trying to compose myself. I had to stay strong and do this for my people.

 

Suddenly, the door began to move behind me so I stood up straight. Bellamy threw it open in one swift motion and spun me around, pulling me into him and crashing his lips into min. I could feel the hot tears on his cheeks as he kissed me over and over again. I cupped his face as he slowly pulled away, resting his forehead against mine.

 

“I’m sorry, Clarke. I would hate myself if I let you walk away like that.” He panted. I was so breathless and distraught that I didn’t know what to say. Here I was, standing in the doorway to Bellamy’s place, about to leave it behind forever.

 

“I love you.” He breathed. I soaked up the words and took a mental image of this moment. I needed that reminder to keep me strong.

 

“I love you too. So much, Bellamy. I’m doing this for us.” I rambled. He captured my lips in another quick kiss.

 

“I know love, I know.” He whispered. He pulled me in for another kiss on the forehead before hugging me tighter than he ever had before. He lifted me into his arms and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He spun us around, kissing my cheeks over and over again.

 

When he finally set me down, we were both out of breath. I held his hands one last time before letting him go.

 

“Until we meet again?” He asked.

 

“Until we meet again.” I confirmed as I walked away from him for the last time.

 

\--

 

“I need O-neg stat!” My mother ordered Jackson from across the med bay. While my mother was focused on the urgent care patients, I was assigned to the non-life threatening ones. So far I had a little girl with a cold, two boys with sprained ankles, and an old man complaining of a headache. While my mother was distracted and my next appointment wasn’t for another hour, I decided to slip away to the medical cabinet. It was locked, but I’d watched my mom and Jackson open it enough times to know the passcode. Once I opened it, I took two vials of morphine and slipped out the door.

 

Nygel would most likely be at the rations distribution center. This would be the perfect place for me to get caught committing the crime.

 

When I entered, the place was crowded with citizens of the Ark buying and selling used items. Nygel was working at window 12, which had the longest line. I found my place behind a young woman in her thirties carrying an infant. The baby was staring at me, with wide blue eyes, and instantly burst into tears. I tucked the morphine away in my scrubs pocket and looked away as the mother desperately tried to quiet her child.

 

The line moved slowly, giving me more time to think about what I was about to do. I was almost to the point of no return and I had to keep reminding myself not to give up. I knew that if I saw Bellamy’s face one more time, that would be it. I would throw in the towel, take the morphine back, and pretend like this whole thing never happened. But I couldn’t just do that. Even though I’m not the leader of the 100 yet in this universe, on the inside I am and always will be. Like Lexa had said, the duty to protect my people comes first.

 

“Well, if it isn’t Clarke Griffin.” Nygel gasped. I rolled my eyes and glanced around the room. There were only three guards on duty in here today. One of them was dealing with an angry man holding a broken chair while the other two were desperately trying to stay awake. I looked back at Nygel as I pulled the stolen morphine out of my scrub pocket.

 

“I’ll be damned. You are a brave little thing, aren’t you? What do you want for it?” She asked. I put on my best ‘damsel girlfriend’ expression before responding to her.

 

“My boyfriend is going through a rough time with his mother being floated and his sister being locked up. I wanted to trade this for extra rations points this month. I was hoping to maybe buy him some things.” I lied. Nygel seemed to buy my story as she slid her hand under the glass barrier and took the morphine.

 

“Does your boyfriend know you’re doing this?” She asked as she examined the vial.

 

“No, it’s a surprise.”

 

“You must really love the guy if you’re willing to sacrifice everything and steal from your own mother just to get a few extra ration points.” Nygel continued.

 

“You and I both know that I want more than a few ration points, Nygel.” I snapped.

 

She chuckled, “There there, little Griffin. I’ll see what I can do.”

 

I nodded and walked away from the window as she slipped the morphine into her pocket. Now it was only a matter of time before she decided to turn me into the council.

 

\--

 

I decided to spend the rest of the day, until I got arrested, with Wells. We sat on his couch watching soccer reruns for the majority of the day before I got up the courage to tell him what I had done.

 

“You are deliberately getting yourself arrested so you can protect Bellamy’s little sister?” Wells gasped. I nodded and awkwardly shifted my position on the couch.

 

“Clarke you’re practically being suicidal right now. You do realize that all prisoners get reviewed at eighteen and with the way things have been going lately, almost everyone gets floated.” Wells scolded me. I almost forgot that he had no idea the 100 would be sent down to Earth and pardoned for their crimes. It probably did sound crazy.

 

“What does Bellamy think about all of this?” Wells asked. I didn’t want to think about Bellamy right now. Whenever I did all I could picture was the look on his face when I told him I was leaving and how I broke his heart again. I also broke my promise to him.

 

“He doesn’t know.” I lied.

 

“Well why are you telling me this?” Wells asked.

 

“Because I need you to hack into the prison security system and make sure that I share a cell with Octavia.” I told him. Wells shook his head, so I reached across the couch and held his hand.

 

“Wells, please. She’s barely fifteen.”

 

Wells sat still for a moment, without answering me. I leaned back against the couch and groaned. Of course he wouldn’t help me.

 

The doors burst open and several members of the guard came rushing in. Wells reached for me, but it was too late, the guards were already cuffing me and dragging me out of the apartment.

 

The walk of shame to the skybox was all too familiar. When I arrived, I was stripped of everything except for my locket (which I hit a guard for trying to take it away from me). Then I was sent into a private room to speak to a member of the council and explain what I did and why. I told her the same story I told Nygel and she told me that my punishment would be lock up. My mother showed up shortly after, with my father in tow. They were both extremely surprised and disappointed in me, but I could tell by the look in my dad’s eye that he knew exactly why I did it. He knew it was a sacrifice, a sacrifice to protect Octavia.

 

After getting chewed out by my mom for about ten minutes, the guards separated us and took me into the sky box. I was escorted down to level three and thrown into a cell with a bunk bed, toilet, desk, sink, and dresser.

 

“Lunch for group C is now over. Please report back to your cells immediately.” A voice announced over the loudspeaker. I tried to make myself comfortable on the bottom bunk as I waited for my cellmate to arrive. Suddenly, two guards appeared and opened the cell door. I watched as someone stepped in and almost cried when I saw who it was. _Wells actually did it._

 

“Clarke!” Octavia exclaimed. She ran over to me and pulled me into an embrace which caught the guards by surprise. I glared at them over Octavia’s shoulder, prompting them to leave us alone.

 

“I’m here.” I said as I held her.

 

“Why are you here? I mean, I’m happy to see you, but I’m not happy to see you here.” She gasped.

 

“Someone’s gotta look after you all.” I replied. Octavia nuzzled up against me in the bed. I smiled and held her, noticing how much she smelled like her brother and I instantly felt better about this entire thing. Maybe lock up wouldn’t be so bad this time around. At least I wouldn’t have to be alone.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're COMMENTS and KUDOS inspire me to keep going :) Please let me know what you think about this fic! I love hearing your thoughts and suggestions!


	10. Chapter 10

Before I knew it, two months had already come and gone. All of the days seemed to blend together, but I drew tallies on the side of our cell to keep track. Octavia and I had become very close, and I could tell that she looked up to me like an older sister. Her attitude about the whole experience was a lot more hopeful now that I had arrived, knowing that we weren’t going to be stuck here forever.

 

I’d also started to get to know Finn, Jasper, Monty, Harper, Miller, Monroe, and even Murphy during my time here. We all sat together during our lunch hour and talked. I was the one who brought us all together. Surprisingly, I’d learned a lot more about them now than I ever did while we were on the ground. I guess I was just so focused on keeping them safe that I forgot to take some time to really get to know them. Finn actually told me about Raven this time, maybe because she came to visit every visiting day, but it was nice to know there weren't any secrets between us.

\--

Visiting days were held once a month for about an hour. The only visitors I’d ever had were my parents and Wells. Jaha banned Bellamy from the sky box when his mother and sister were captured as a punishment for keeping the secret for so long. Although I wished I could see Bellamy, it was almost a blessing in disguise that he wasn’t allowed to visit. It would have been much harder for us to see each other again because it would distract us from our mission. I did feel bad for Octavia though because she never had any visitors.

 

“Hey Clarke?” Octavia asked from her bunk.

 

“Yeah Tavia?” I replied, closing my book. She jumped off of the ladder and climbed into my bed. I was still getting used to the timid Octavia, and I slightly missed the grounder warrior Octavia, but it was nice to have my very own little sister to cuddle with. Octavia curled up against me, prompting me to wrap my arms around her.

 

“Nightmare.” She said quickly. That was all she had to say for me to understand. Octavia got nightmares almost every night about her mother. It was heartbreaking for me to watch, but sleeping next to me helped her, so it was the least I could do. I glanced over at the digital clock on the wall, which read 12:46am, and sighed knowing that I needed to go to bed. I shifted a little bit to lay down, squeezed Octavia, and then fell asleep again with her in my arms.

\--

“Alright let’s play a game.” Jasper suggested. Everyone at the table groaned and muttered various unhappy responses under their breaths. Jasper always wanted to play a game after we finished lunch, and it was starting to get old. Honestly, this entire situation was getting old. Every day was the same: we were woken up at 7:00am to have our cells and our bodies checked for contraband, then we were sent to the showers with our lunch groups, and then we are sent back into our cells to do our classwork (in my case, to tutor Octavia with hers), and then we our sent to lunch. Lunch is the same, boring protein bars every day followed by Jasper suggesting that we play a game. I’d tap my fingers on the steel table, trying desperately not to go mad. I thought being locked up in solitary was bad, but this is almost worse.

 

“Come on guys, just one game.” Jasper pleaded. Murphy had his head down on the table, probably trying not to strangle Jasper while Finn and I glanced at each other in an attempt to figure out how to let Jasper down easy.

 

“Maybe tomorrow, Jasper.” I said kindly. Finn rolled his eyes at me, prompting me to kick him under the table. He yelped, causing everyone to turn to face him.

 

“Sorry, cramp.” He lied. I chuckled at the weird looks everyone was giving him.

 

“So Eric got reviewed yesterday and they floated him. That’s the third one of us this week to get floated. Things aren’t looking well for us.” Harper said to the group.

 

“I swear Jaha loves to push the button to float people.” Miller muttered.

 

“Maybe the princess should talk to her prince Jaha.” Murphy added. Finn shot Murphy a glare while I folded my hands in my lap awkwardly. I knew that they were floating people more often because the ark was becoming overpopulated. Although my father wouldn’t find the fatal flaw for another few weeks, that didn’t mean the council was just going to let us back into society anymore. Without us, there would be more rations for everyone else.

 

“I tried. He won’t listen to me.” I lied. Murphy scratched his chin and scoffed.

 

“Yeah, right. He’ll probably just save you.” Murphy growled. Finn told him to shut up while Octavia reached over to hold my hand.

 

“We did get another prisoner today, her name is Fox. She seems nice but she’s very quiet.” Harper told us. I had no idea how she got all of this information, but she was the queen of gossip. 

 

“Lunch for group C is now over. Lunch for group C is now over.” A voice said over the intercom. Guards surrounded us and escorted us back to our rooms to spend another afternoon doing nothing until we eventually fell asleep and started the day over again.

\--

Three more weeks passed and it was finally visiting day. Our group got to visit in the morning while the other groups visited in the afternoon. Octavia stayed in bed, playing with her red ribbon while I got ready to meet with my parents and Wells as usual. Today would be different, because my father would be getting much closer to finding the flaw and Bellamy’s role would be critical.

 

“Let me know if you hear anything about Bell. I’m worried about him.” Octavia said. I nodded as I slipped on my boots.

 

“Prisoner 319 you have two sets of visitors this morning.” A guard said at the entrance to our cell. I gave Octavia a faint smile before I followed the guards out the door and to the visiting center. Once I arrived, my parents were sitting at a table in the middle like they always did. I took my seat across from them and rested my cuffed hands on the table.

 

“How are you, sweetheart?” My mother asked. I shrugged my shoulders, and looked over at my dad.

 

“Bellamy has been coming over lately, he misses you.” My dad said. I smiled, happy that Bellamy was doing what I’d told him to, but sad that he missed me. I missed him too.

 

“He comes over every Sunday to watch soccer with us and likes to help me out at engineering. He’s hoping to move up from a janitor position to a position with us. I took him in as my apprentice.” My dad said. My heart warmed at the thought of Bellamy and my dad working together every day. It was smart of Bellamy to take that approach in order to get close to my father and learn about the flaw before my mother.

 

“He said he wants to be an engineer by the time you are released so he can provide for you.” My dad added. My cheeks flushed at the thought of marrying Bellamy. I knew he was just saying it to convince my dad to make him his apprentice, but it still warmed my heart to think about. Too bad that would never be our reality.

 

“It there anything we can get get for you to make you more comfortable here?” My mother asked as she stared straight at the handcuffs binding my wrists. I shook my head and leaned back against the chair.

 

“Alright, well we better get going so you can have some time with Wells.” My mother said as she stood up from the table.

 

“I love you kiddo.” My dad said as he reached over and flicked the tip of my nose with his index finger. I smiled, wishing that the cuffs weren’t preventing me from hugging him.

 

“I love you too.” I replied as they left the room. Wells entered immediately after they left.

 

“Hey, Clarke.” He said.

 

“Hey.” I replied.

 

“How are you?” He asked. I was starting to get tired of being asked that. I was in lock up, how the hell did they think I was?

 

“I’m fine.” I replied. We sat in silence for a moment, both searching the room instead of looking in each other's eyes.

 

“So I saw Bellamy the other day.” Wells said, breaking the silence and capturing my attention. 

 

“And?” I asked eagerly. If I couldn’t see Bellamy, I’d take everything I could get.

 

“He’s a mess, but he’s surviving. He misses you like hell.” Wells said. I gulped and leaned back, instantly regretting asking about him.

 

“But he took up an apprenticeship with your father, which I’m sure you already know, so he seems to be getting better. I’m sorry I can’t get my father to let him see you.” Wells said, but he wasn't really sorry. I shrugged my shoulders.

 

“Visiting hours are now over.” A guard announced. Wells pursed his lips and stood up.

 

“Hey Wells?” I asked.

 

“Could you tell Bellamy that I love him and that I’m happy that he’s working with my father?” I asked.

 

Wells smiled faintly, “Yeah, of course.” and then walked away from me.

\--

Waiting for the next visiting day was excruciatingly painful. I knew that my father found the flaw by now, but this time Bellamy knew about it to. He was putting himself at risk of being floated if my father went public with the news. I had nightmares every night about them both being floated. Octavia’s nightmares stopped weeks ago, so she let me crawl into her bed instead.

 

“Shh, Clarke, everything is going to be alright. Bellamy can do this.” She would tell me until I fell asleep again.

\--

Another few days passed by slowly and I spent them in silence. I was so lost in worry that I couldn’t eat, sleep, or speak. All I could do was sit in silence and run different scenarios over in my head. What if Bellamy found out too late? What if my mom blamed Bellamy rather than my father and they floated him instead? What if Bellamy took the fall for my father?

 

I felt like I was about to throw up my protein bar from lunch this afternoon at the thought of Bellamy getting floated. I literally couldn’t handle going to the ground without him. He helped me lead the 100 and without him I wouldn’t be able to do it.

 

“Clarke? You need to snap out of this.” Octavia said from across the room. She was sitting at the desk working on an essay for her Earth Skills class.

 

“Sorry.” I mumbled, the first thing I’d said in days.

 

“She speaks!” Octavia exclaimed, dramatically throwing her hands into the air. I rolled my eyes and laid on my pillow.

 

“Shut up.” I said, causing her to spin the desk chair around and gasp at me. I reached under myself to grab the old pillow and throw it at her. She caught it and ran to the bed, climbing on top of me, hitting me over and over again with the pillow until we both got tired and I surrendered. Octavia collapsed next to me on the bed, holding the pillow against her chest, trying to catch her breath.

 

“So when did you and my brother turn into more than just ‘fake boyfriend and girlfriend’?” Octavia asked. I blushed at the question. We hadn't talked about what happened between Bellamy and I since I was arrested and it was about time Octavia asked.

 

“It was the night before I left. We kissed and I told him that I loved him.” I replied. Octavia playfully raised her eyebrows, suggesting that we had sex, so I slapped her.

 

“No we didn’t do that.”

 

“But you wanted to.”

 

“I-”

 

“You totally wanted to.”

 

I rolled my eyes at her and gave up on the argument. It was true that I had wanted to, but Bellamy didn’t want to until I was with him for good.

 

“When I do I will make sure to rub every gory detail into your face.” I teased.

 

Octavia stuck her tongue out and shook her head, “Ew Clarke! That’s my brother!”

 

“You started it!”

 

“You’re sick!” Octavia joked.

 

“You asked!”

 

Octavia covered her face with the blanket, probably trying to block out any mental images of me and Bellamy having sex. I laughed and rolled onto my side to shut off the light.

 

“Have sweet sex dreams about your brother and I” I joked to her.

 

“You too.” She replied seductively. The scary thing was, I did.

\--

It was finally visiting day, and I couldn’t stop shaking. I had no idea if my dad or Bellamy was okay and it scared the hell out of me. If I lost either of them, I would lose all hope in this second chance.

 

Two guard arrived at our door as usual, but instead of opening the door and letting me out, they grabbed Octavia and I and pushed us against the wall.

 

“What are you doing?” I asked nervously as they were restraining me. None of them answered my question.

 

“Ow that’s my wrist!” Octavia yelped. I glanced down at the wristband being attached to Octavia and my eyes widened.

 

“This wasn’t supposed to happen for another year!” I said for Octavia’s benefit.

 

“Shut up!” The guard said as he snapped the wristband onto my wrist. Octavia instantly started to panic, and reached out for me as they split us apart. When I got into the main hallway, I saw all of the prisoners of the ark being escorted towards the drop ship. We were going to Earth a year early. What if the radiation killed us? Why was this happening so soon?

 

My mother came out from around the corner and stopped the guards.

 

“Mom, what’s going on?” I asked, with panic lacing my voice. She pulled me in for a hug.

 

“You’re being sent to the ground, all 100 of you.” She said. This wasn’t right, what if it wasn’t the same 100? Where was Bellamy?

 

“Where are dad and Bellamy?” I asked frantically.

 

“Your instincts will tell you to protect everyone else first.” She said quickly, avoiding my question.

 

“WHERE ARE THEY!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as the guards dragged me down the hallway. My mom walked away to assist other guards at putting on the wristbands.

 

“MOM!” I wailed, kicking and screaming at the guards. I felt like my whole world was crashing down, but then I suddenly felt calm. There was a guard standing ahead of me with a smoking gun. He’d shot me with a tranquilizer gun, again.

 

“Where’s Bellamy…” I whispered as I passed out in the guards’ arms.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you guys the year would go by fast :) Now where is Bellamy? ;)
> 
> Please continue leaving KUDOS and COMMENTS. As one very intelligent fic author once said, "Authors get paid in comments and kudos"
> 
> I love hearing your predictions and suggestions. They help motivate me to keep going!


	11. Chapter 11

My vision was blurry at first, just a mixture of grey and red swirling in front of my eyes. I blinked several times until I could see clearly again. My eyes widened at the realization that I was on the drop ship, plummeting towards the ground again. I tried to sit up, but my restraints held me to the seat. A sharp pain shot through my wrist from the wristband and I grabbed it to try and remedy the sting. That was when I noticed that unlike the first time we came to Earth, Wells was not sitting beside me. The seat next to me was completely empty.

 

“Prisoners of the Ark, you’ve been given a second chance. And as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us. Indeed, for mankind itself.” I turned my head to see Jaha on the screen above us. It felt like deja vu, and I couldn’t help but feel a little light headed as he went on.

 

“We have no idea what is waiting for you down there. If the odds for survival were better, we would have sent others. Frankly, we are sending you because your crimes have made you expendable.” He continued. Kids scoffed and cursed at the chancellor as he continued with his speech, but all I could do was try to wrap my brain around what was happening. We were going to the ground a year early, which meant it would be much more difficult for us to predict what was going to happen to us down there. Plus, there was no guarantee that the same 100 would be here and that almost frightened me more.

 

“However if you do survive, then those crimes will be forgiven, your records wiped clean.”

 

I locked eyes with Octavia, who was sitting on the other side of the drop ship next to two boys. She didn’t look terrified anymore, instead, she looked excited. She already knew that amazing things were going to happen to her on the ground. I would be excited too if I was her.

 

“Your drop site has been chosen carefully. Before the last war, Mount Weather was a military base built within a Mountain.” I cringed the second I heard the chancellor say ‘Mount Weather’. I remember my goal from the moment we landed last time was to get to Mount Weather, but all it brought us was suffering and death. We wouldn’t be going anywhere near Mount Weather this time.

 

I glanced over at the kids on Octavia’s side of the ship because they were hooting and hollering Finn’s name. I’d almost forgotten that he floated around the drop ship before it hit the atmosphere and two kids died trying to follow him.

 

“It was to be stocked with enough non perishables to sustain 300 people for two years. No one, ever made it there.” Jaha continued. I felt a twinge in my stomach again because that also was not true. People did survive in Mount Weather, until I killed them all.

 

“Hey Clarke!” Finn said as he laid down in front of me in the middle of the air. Octavia and the boys she was with were cheering for Finn as he floated.

 

“Finn, you need to strap back in before the parachutes deploy or else you’re going to get hurt.” I warned him.

 

“Oh calm down princess.” Finn said smoothly as he floated around. I glanced over at the boys near Octavia, who were starting to unfasten their seat belts.

 

“Hey, you two! Stay put if you want to live!” I screamed, the words surprising me as they came out of my mouth. How did I remember that I’d said exactly that before?

 

The boys ignored me, still trying to get out of their seats like Finn. Octavia laughed, edging them on. She didn’t know any better, but I sent her a look of disapproval and she shut up. Honestly, they probably couldn’t hear my warning over the sound of the drop ship.

 

“Mount Weather is life, you must locate those supplies immediately. You have one responsibility, stay alive.” The chancellor finished. I closed my eyes, bracing for the drop ship to start crashing any minute now.

 

“Finn, I’m begging you to please get back in your seat.” I pleaded. Finn could hear the terror in my voice and almost looked like he was going to listen to me, but before he could make that decision, the dropship began to crash and he went flying into the back of it. Everyone began to scream, and I tried my best to calm them down, but no one would listen to me. We fell for another few minutes and I held on tightly to my seat. Then suddenly, everything became quiet and we were on the ground.

 

“Listen. No machine hum.” Monty said.

 

“Woah, that’s a first.” Jasper replied. I felt relieved to see that both of them were safe. Octavia looked terrified as she stared at the two dead boys in front of her. Everyone started to unbuckle their seatbelts so I made my way over to Finn to make sure he was okay. Luckily he was fine, just like he had been the first time, but he looked upset about the dead boys that tried to follow him.

 

I was about to console him when I heard several kids starting to lift up the hatch to the lower level.

 

“The outer doors are on the lower level! Let’s go!” A boy shouted. My head flung up, realizing what came next. Bellamy.

 

With shaky legs, I bypassed Octavia and Finn and headed for the ladder. I was so terrified that Bellamy wouldn’t be down there that I couldn’t even bring myself look. I stepped down four steps and paused. It was eerily quiet for a moment and it felt like the world stopped. Just when I thought I was never going to hear his voice again, there he was.

 

“Just back it up guys.” Bellamy called over the crowd. I felt my heart burst inside my chest and instantly turned to look at him. He wasn’t wearing a guard uniform this time, instead he was just in his regular Ark clothes. His hair was much longer now than it was when I left and he had stubble across his face. I could tell that he wasn’t himself right now, he seemed distant with the crowd.

 

“Bellamy!” I exclaimed. He was facing the lever, but the second he heard my voice, he turned his head to look at me. I felt like I couldn’t move as we stayed staring at each other in disbelief.

 

“Clarke?” Was all he could say. Tears welled up in my eyes and his voice gave me the strength to climb down the rest of the ladder. Once I made it, I pushed past everyone and ran into his arms. He welcomed me by hoisting me up as I wrapped my legs around his waist and sent him stumbling backwards. Several awhs and coos erupted from the crowd as he kissed my cheek over and over again and held me against him. It felt like he was never going to let me go, and I was okay with that.

 

“I thought you were dead.” I whimpered as I snuggled my head against his neck..

 

“I’m right here, Clarke. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll explain everything to you later.” He said as he pulled away. I wiped the tears from my eyes and threw my head back in relief as he set me down on the ground again.

 

“Bellamy?” Octavia said, interrupting us. I backed up to give them space while Bellamy watched as his little sister pushed past the crowd to run to him.

 

“Look at how big you are!” Bellamy exclaimed. Octavia smiled and pulled him in for a hug.

 

“I missed you big brother.” She whispered. Bellamy pulled away and kissed her on the forehead.

 

“Do you want to be the first person from the Ark on the ground in 100 years?” He asked her. I felt a pang in my heart, realizing that he’d changed his previous response. He said the first time that she would be the first person on the ground in 100 years, but we both knew now that that wasn’t the case.

 

“Bellamy, we came down a year early. The air could be toxic.” I warned.

 

Bellamy smirked, “If the air’s toxic, we’re all dead anyway.”

 

I gulped and stepped back, but he captured my hand in his and placed them on the lever.

 

“Let’s pull this lever together. In honor of a fresh start.” He said to me. I couldn’t help but keep crying; he was turning a horrible memory into a new memory full of life and hope. 

 

“Bell wait,” Octavia began. Bellamy turned around to face her, “I don’t want to be the first person from the ark on the ground in 100 years. We are the 100. We were sent down here together, we were locked up together, and now we are going to run like hell onto this planet together!”

 

Everyone cheered for Octavia and inched forward as Bellamy and I began to pull the lever down. I could sense the excitement building in all of their chests as the door finally opened. In that moment, with the light of the sun finally touching my skin again, I felt my innocence return. A huge smile took over my face and I couldn’t help but look at Bellamy, who was smiling too.

 

The 100 rushed past us in a huge clump of red, grey, and blue. They danced through the woods, swung around trees, and threw grass in the air. Octavia turned around as many kids rushed past her and smiled at Bellamy. She threw her head back, relishing in the smell of clean air for the first time.

“We’re back bitches!” Octavia screamed into the open air. Jasper rushed up next to her and took her hand, pulling her away.

 

“Are you ready for this?” Bellamy asked me once we were the only ones left on the drop ship.

 

“I’ve never been more ready.” I replied, taking his hand. Our hearts were beating like drums as we took off together down the drop ship door and back out into the forest.

 

Bellamy lifted me into the air and spun me around so I could see a swirl of green and blue from the trees and sky consume me. When he set me down, we both stared at each other for a moment, completely breathless. Bellamy moved the hair that was falling in my face back behind my ear.

 

“Whatever the hell we want!” He said with a wink. I raised my eyebrow and crossed my arms.

 

“Within reason.” He added. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his cheek. Maybe being on the ground again was our second chance.

 

\--

 

Unlike the first time when we went to the ground, I didn’t leave camp in search of Mount Weather. Finn suggested that we send a team there to scout it out, but I told him we needed to secure this camp first in case any animals (or people) survived the apocalypse. The rest of the day was spent surveying the land near our drop site and building tents. Bellamy took a team out hunting while I stayed back and kept the camp together.

 

After the sun was down, Bellamy returned with John Mbege, Murphy, Atom, Sterling and Conner. They had two boars and one two headed deer strapped on their backs. Everyone sitting around the campfire cheered as the boys set down the food. I gave Bellamy a kiss on the cheek.

 

“I said be back before sundown.” I scolded him.

 

“And I told you I’d be fine. I took the guys I knew I could trust.” He replied, pulling me into his side as we watched the 100 prepare the meat.

 

“You trust Murphy, Mbege, and Conner?” I laughed.

 

Bellamy squeezed my side, “I think if I take them under my wing for the right reasons this time maybe things can be different.”

 

“Bellamy! We need you help!” A group of boys called out. Bellamy gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before running over to help them put the boar over the fire. We still had a lot to talk about, like how the hell he got here, where was Wells, and what happened to my father, but the day just got away from us. However, I built us a tent today so hopefully I could talk to him about it then.

 

“Everyone listen up!” Bellamy said over the crowd. He was a natural leader, and it made me feel so proud watching everyone look up to him.

 

“Clarke and I want the best for all of you. Our number one goal and responsibility is to keep each and every one of you alive. You may think we are crazy now, but we’ve been here before.” Everyone chuckled but Bellamy silenced them.

 

“There are dangers here that you will encounter that will prove that we are right. For instance, Mount Weather is full of people known as the Mountain Men. They are dangerous and they have a weapon called Acid Fog that they will deploy in the near future. The fog melts people and is yellow. If you see it, run to the nearest cave or get inside the drop ship. If you are stuck outside, hide in an airtight blanket or tent. Again, I know this sound crazy, but you just have to trust us.” Bellamy continued. I was surprised that some people were actually taking him seriously.

 

“There are also grounders, and I’m sure they will come here soon, which is why we need to build a wall. Tomorrow we will divide you in groups; the hunters, scouters, guards, builders, and fishers. No one leaves camp after nightfall and if you see grounders you need to let Clarke and I know immediately.” He said.

 

“Why should we believe you? This sounds like a load of bullshit just so you can be in charge.” Murphy said. Bellamy grabbed Murphy by the collar of his shirt and lifted him into the air.

 

“Do you want to test my theory? Go ahead out there and meet the grounders, I won’t stop you.” Bellamy said as he threw Murphy on the ground.

 

“You all can believe what you want, but the truth is, we aren’t alone. If we could find animals today, who’s to say humans couldn’t survive too? Enjoy the feast and get a good night’s rest, tomorrow is going to be busy.” Bellamy finished. Everyone pushed each other to get in line for a piece of meat.

 

“That was very bold.” I said to him.

 

“They are going to think we are nuts for a couple days, but once everything comes true we will have complete control.” He replied as he took a bite of meat.

 

“I got you a piece before the crowd showed.” He said to me, as he held out a nice piece of meat. I took it and ate, knowing that our next meal could be a long way from now.

 

“We need to talk.” I said through bites of food. Bellamy nodded and lead me away from the crowd. I took him across camp until we reached a quaint red tent.

 

“What’s this?” He asked.

 

“Our home.” I replied, opening the flap.

 

“Ours?” He asked, raising his eyebrow. I chuckled and pushed him inside. It was small, but it was perfect. I found some blankets on the drop ship and turned them into a bed. Bellamy smiled and admired the beginnings of our house.

 

“I love it.” He whispered.

 

“Thank you, it’s not done. I want to build a bed frame out of wood and a coat hanger or table but it’s going to be awhile and-” Bellamy interrupted my ramble by kissing me and pulling me onto the blankets with him. I smiled into the kiss, but stopped myself before we got too carried away. I brought him in here to talk to him.

 

“Wait-” I panted. Bellamy pulled away.

 

“What’s up?” He asked. I rolled off of him and sighed.

 

“You have a lot of explaining to do. Where is Wells? What happened to my father? How the hell did you get on the drop ship?” I asked. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

 

“Wells helped me get onto the drop ship without having to shoot his father. I offered to let him come too, but he didn’t want to. He wasn’t worried about coming down here to protect you this time because that was what I was here to do.” He told me. I cuddled up next to him and smiled, relieved that we wouldn’t have to worry about getting Bellamy pardoned this time.

 

“What about my dad?” I asked.

 

“That was much more complicated. I pretended that I found the issue before your dad could ever discover it. I went straight to Jaha and told him about the problem. I swore I wouldn’t say anything and I convinced your dad to do the same. I told your father about how we were sent back here and he actually believed me, probably since someone like me could never discover that kind of an engineering flaw completely on their own. I told him about the plan to send the 100 and he loved the idea. We presented the idea to the council and they loved it too. Wells was there and he convinced them that the 100 needed some supervision, hence how I got to go down. I was the only person ‘suicidal’ enough to want to go. Your father promised to keep quiet for now so that he wouldn’t get floated but I left him with the responsibility of preventing Kane from executing 300 innocent people. When Raven comes down with the radio, we can tell the Ark that it’s safe to follow.” He told me. I couldn’t help but cry tears of joy. Bellamy did it, he found a way to save everyone.

 

“You’re incredible.” I said as I kissed him.

 

“I love you.” He panted in response.

 

“Hey Bellamy?” I asked.

 

“Hmm?” He said in between kisses.

 

“We should go to the bunker tomorrow and get those supplies. You know the one from our day trip?” I said.

  
“Whatever the hell you want, princess.” He said as he rolled on top of me and kissed me until we both fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

I woke up to a cold breeze coating my pale skin with goose bumps. When I rolled over to reach for Bellamy’s warmth, I found nothing but a mess of old blanket. I sat up on my elbows and glanced around the room for him but he wasn’t there.

“It’s his fault! Screw him!” A voice shouted off in the distance. I immediately jumped out of bed and threw on my boots to see what was going on. When I finally got outside, the sun was shining brightly on a large crowd of the 100 that were gathered in a circle at the center of camp.

“Murphy wanted to prove you wrong and now he’s gone. It’s his own damn fault, there’s no way in hell I’m going back out there!” The voice, which I now realized belonged to John Mbege, said. Bellamy was standing in the center of the crowd with Mbege and Conner, trying to remedy the situation.

“What the hell is going on?” I demanded as I pushed my way into the center of the circle. Now that I was closer, I could tell that Mbege and Conner were covered in knife marks and wounds. Bellamy looked livid, but he was desperately trying to keep his cool since everyone was watching him.

“Murphy, Mbege, and Conner left camp last night because they thought what I said about the Grounders was a load of bullshit. They were attacked by the grounders, Murphy was speared and dragged off.” Bellamy seethed. I rubbed my forehead, realizing that what had happened to Jasper originally happened to Murphy this time.

“I know you’re all scared,” I began, taking in all of their worried eyes. There was no doubt in my mind that they believed Bellamy and I now, “but you have to stay strong. We can survive and we can get Murphy back, but we have to stay focused. Bellamy will break you all up into groups. We are going to get a wall built by tomorrow night and I promise you everything will be alright. I’m going to try and work something out for peace with the grounders.”

Bellamy gave me a look of disapproval, but my speech calmed the group down and caused them to return back to their work duties. I made my way over to Mbege to check his cuts but he was fine. Conner had a twisted ankle, but other than that the cuts were superficial. The grounders were just trying to scare us.

“What are you doing?” Bellamy asked, with a small hint of anger in his voice. I could tell he was being overprotective about me wanting to go make peace with the grounders, but if I did it before, I could do it again.

“I’m trying to keep us all alive. Same as you.” I replied.

“You can’t just go talk to the grounders. We tried that on Unity Day, remember? It’s not going to work for awhile.” Bellamy said, holding onto my arm.

“I know Lexa, she will make a truce.” I said, yanking my arm.

“Clarke-” Bellamy called to me. I turned around.

“What about our day trip?” He asked.

I bit my lip, “it can wait, Murphy can’t.”

\--

Bellamy and I threw our packs together in silence. We weren’t necessarily mad at each other, we were just mad at the world. It didn’t seem to matter what we did, everything kept happening again anyways and it was exhausting. Plus I knew he was being overprotective of me now that I was his girlfriend, but I didn’t want him to overwhelm me.

I’d almost forgotten just how much work being in charge of the 100 actually was. Bellamy must have forgotten too, because he’s been on edge all day.

“You guys coming or what?” Octavia askeid as she peaked her head through the tent flap. I threw my pack over my shoulder and joined her outside. She was waiting with Finn, Jasper, and Atom.

“Miller!” Bellamy called as he stepped out of the tent.

“Yeah, Bellamy?” Miller asked as he climbed down from one of the first pieces of the wall.

“You’re in charge until Clarke and I get back. Everyone works until nightfall, got it?”

Miller nodded, “Got it.”

“Alright! We are splitting into pairs, it will help us find Murphy easier.” Bellamy said to us.

“Partners?” Finn leaned over and whispered in my ear. I shrugged and said agreed. What was the harm in being Finn’s partner? He was a good tracker and we worked well together.

Jasper and Octavia took off into the forest, much to Bellamy’s displeasure, while he made his way over to me.

“You ready to go babe?” He asked. I glanced over at Finn, instantly feeling guilty.

“Oh, alright then. Stay safe.” He said quietly before turning to Atom and heading off in a different direction.

I had no idea why Finn was interested in being my partner for this, but maybe he could sense the tension between Bellamy and I and he thought he was doing me a favor.

“Trouble in paradise?” Finn asked as he tracked Murphy’s trail. I’d almost forgotten how great of a tracker Finn was. He was able to find Jasper last time with no problem, I had no doubt he’d be able to lead us to Murphy too.

“It’s complicated.” I replied. Finn accepted that answer and continued to scour the ground for footprints. My mind wandered to Bellamy again. I knew I was pushing him away because I was afraid to lose him, but he wasn’t helping the situation by distancing himself from me. It was like he didn’t know how to lead his people and be with me at the same time. Hopefully he could figure it out soon.

“He was definitely dragged.” Finn said, interrupting my thoughts.

“Huh? Oh Murphy right.” I stuttered, trying to focus on the task at hand. If Murphy was used as bait again, I’d have to go to the river tomorrow to get the seaweed poultice. He’d be in excruciating pain, but I could still save him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about this?” Finn asked. I shrugged my shoulders. It was weird for me to talk to Finn about my relationship with Bellamy considering what happened to us before.

“We’ll work it out, we always do.” I replied. Finn lead me through a couple bushes before we reached a stream.

“No way!” Finn exclaimed, taking off his clothes.

“Finn! It could be toxic.”

“Or it could be fun!”

“We have to find Murphy-”

“Murphy’s not going anywhere, princess. Take a little break.”

Finn was currently in nothing but his boxers, jumping into the stream. I chuckled at how stupid he looked and was tempted to run off with the rest of his clothes, but instead he pulled me into the water. I gasped at the cold chill that it sent throughout my body, but once I was settled, I never wanted to get out. Finn splashed me, prompting me to splash him back.

After playing in the water for another few minutes, my eyes locked with blood dripping off of a leaf and into the water.

“Murphy, it has to be his.” I gasped. Finn got out of the water, careful not to disturb the area and bent down to look for tracks.

“This blood is fresh. He was just here.” Finn said. I instantly got out of the water and attempted to dry off while Finn put his dry clothes back on. He took his jacket and wrapped it around me before leading me down the fresh trail to Murphy.

\--

It was creepy, seeing Murphy hanging from the same tree that Jasper once had, but I knew exactly what we needed to do. Bellamy and Atom arrived next from the other side of the trail. I could feel Bellamy glaring at me for wearing Finn’s jacket and being soaking wet. I couldn’t blame him, I knew what this looked like, but it wasn’t what happened.

“Let’s cut him down.” Bellamy said as he made his way towards Murphy. I walked beside him, desperately trying to figure out a way to make him forgive me and get him to look at me. Before I knew it, my feet weren’t on solid ground anymore, instead, I was falling into a huge pit. I glanced up, realizing someone had caught me. Bellamy and I locked eyes, his strong arm keeping me from falling to my death. He nodded at me and lifted me up out of the pit. I felt my whole body shaking from nerves, so Bellamy pulled me close to him and held me there for a moment.

“Oh my gosh are you alright?” Octavia asked as she arrived. Jasper was following closely behind her, staring at her as she made her way over to check on me.

“Watch your step O.” Bellamy warned. Octavia looked down into the pit full of spikes and shuddered.

“So how do we get him down?” She asked, but Finn was already on the other side of the tree, climbing it.

“Bellamy, the cougar.” I whispered. Bellamy’s eyes widened, like he’d almost forgotten about the animal.

“Do you have your gun?” I asked. Since he didn’t come down as a member of the guard, I had no idea if he had a gun or not. If he didn’t we could end up being lunch.

“I told Wells I wasn’t going down here without one.” He said, pulling out the pistol. I threw my head back in relief.

Finn was just about done cutting Murphy down from the tree, when we heard a growl coming from the east. Bellamy pulled out his gun and waited patiently, while I hid behind him.

“Octavia! Jasper! Atom! Go up the tree with Finn.” Bellamy demanded. I clutched onto his sides as I listened to the cat running towards up. Bellamy fired several shots, killing the animal instantly. I'd almost forgotten how good he was with a gun.

“Well there’s dinner!” Jasper exclaimed from on top of the tree. Bellamy let out a deep breath while he stared at the dead animal. I remembered how last time Wells stole Bellamy's gun while I was falling and ended up killing the cougar for us.

Finn climbed down with Murphy in his arms and I heaved a sigh realizing that Murphy was still alive.

“We need to get him back to camp before the grounders realize he’s gone. Let’s go.” I demanded. Everyone followed close behind me as I lead the way back to camp. Bellamy had the cougar over his shoulder, while Jasper and Finn carried Murphy. Octavia was holding Bellamy’s gun, on the look out for any grounders with Atom.

The camp looked much different than it had this morning. The walls in the front of the camp where almost done while the walls around back were just getting started. Several more tents had popped up and people were using wood from trees to make various tools and weapons. Miller handed the rule back to Bellamy and I but I would be too busy with Murphy the next few days to really be in charge of anything.

Bellamy and I went our separate ways, he to help make dinner and I to help make Murphy comfortable until I could go out and get the seaweed tomorrow.

“He looks like a goner.” Finn whispered. Octavia shook her head and ran her fingers through Murphy’s rough locks.

“I’m going to go get a cloth and water to clean him up.” She said as she headed down the stairs.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Jasper asked. I thought about it for a moment, and then realized I knew exactly what they could do. It didn’t work last time, but maybe they could make it work this time.

“I need you to work with Monty and try to figure out a way to reverse the communications on our wristbands so we could talk to the Ark.” I said. Jasper nodded and left to go find Monty.

“So grounders, huh? You’ve lived this life before?” Finn asked. His tone made it seem like he was teasing me for sounding crazy, but the look in his eyes told me that he genuinely believed me.

“Yeah, Bellamy and I both made a lot of mistakes. I guess this is the universe’s way of punishing us. We kept trying to make changes for the better, but almost everything keeps happening one way or another.” I told him.

“I’m never going to see Raven again, am I?” He asked faintly. I reached my hand over and placed it on his, shocking him.

“You will, she’s stronger than you think, and smarter too. Damn that girl is smart.” I replied, letting his hand go. Finn stared at me for a moment longer, as if he was taking in every little feature on my face. I looked away, afraid of what would happen if I didn’t.

"She loves you." I added, still looking into his eyes. Finn bit his lip, almost like he didn't want to believe me.

Murphy groaned, snapping us both out of our trance. What the hell was I doing? Just because Bellamy and I were going through a rough patch didn’t mean I could just fall for Finn’s cheating crap again.

“Hey, Clarke? I got this if you want to go get some sleep.” Octavia said as she reemerged with a damp cloth. Normally I would have argued that I should stay and help Murphy, but I wanted to get as far away from Finn as possible.

When I exited the drop ship, most of the kids were trying to fall asleep. Murphy’s outcries of pain didn’t help with the moral, but I’d have the problem solved by tomorrow afternoon.

I trudged sleepily to my tent and collapsed on the bed, not even realizing that Bellamy was already there.

“Clarke?” He asked sleepily. I tucked myself under the covers, keeping a little distance between us.

“Yeah it’s just me. I didn’t mean to wake you.” I whispered into the darkness. Bellamy nodded sleepily and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me towards him. That was when I realized he wasn’t wearing anything but his boxers.

“What’s going on?” He asked quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re never this tense and rigid when I hold you, it’s like you don’t want me to touch you.” He replied, stuttering the words in an attempt not to cry. I bit my lip and buried my head into his chest.

“I’m sorry-”

“Is this about Finn? Because I swear to God if you leave me for that idiot, I’ll be the one to kill him this time.” Bellamy said. I knew he was joking but the memory still felt like a punch to the gut. Bellamy realized instantly that he shouldn’t have said that.

“Sorry, I’m being a jealous boyfriend. I trust you Clarke, I just feel like I’m losing you and I don’t know why or how to stop it.” Bellamy apologized. I kissed him softly, right below his earlobe and felt his entire body relax underneath me.

“You’re never going to lose me, I just need some time. I thought you were dead. I thought they floated you and my dad and it killed me. I guess I’m just pushing you away because I don’t want feel that pain again. I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life and to have that taken away was brutal. Plus, I haven’t seen you in months. I’ve been locked up and it’s hard for me to just jump right back in where we left off.” I explained.

“I’m sorry, princess. I never meant for any of that to happen. If you need time, I’ll give that to you. You just say the word and I’ll give you space. I can go sleep in O’s tent tonight if-”

“No, this is our home. You’re staying right here with me. We will figure this out _together_.” I insisted, curling up against him. He let his arm wrap around my waist and kissed my forehead.

“I love you Clarke Griffin, no matter what.” He whispered, before I drifted off to sleep in his arms.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to clarify with you all that the story definitely isn't over! I've still got a lot of ideas before I wrap it up so you're in for a little bit longer of a ride. Thank you all so much for all of your COMMENTS and KUDOS. I know i say that a lot but I truly am blown away by how much you all love my story. It warms my heart and motivates me to hear that for some of you this is your favorite fic. I'll try my best not to disappoint!
> 
> Also, I start school today so I have no idea how that is going to affect my updating this fic but I promise not to leave you hanging. I have a personal goal to never make it more than three days, but I know life happens. I just don't want you all to think that I'm giving up on this fic because I'm not. It will be finished and I already have the rest of the chapters mapped out :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to change the rating because some steamy content is coming up in this chapter ;)

The next morning, I was up hours before Bellamy. Octavia came into our tent at about 4am to put me on Murphy duty so that she could get some rest. I was careful not to wake him as I slipped out of bed and headed back to the drop ship.

 

The kids outside were restless, complaining about Murphy’s cries and getting more and more impatient about the whole situation. I had to get the seaweed soon or there would be chaos.

 

When I got inside, Jasper and Finn were leaning against two different walls, fast asleep. Murphy was groaning loudly in pain, but they must have been too tired to be kept up by it. I leaned over Murphy to check his vitals when Monty startled me by accidentally dropping his tools.

 

“Sorry.” He mumbled as he worked on a wristband. He must have pryed it off of Octavia before she went to bed.

 

“It’s alright, did you want to get some sleep? You’ve been at that all night.” I replied. Monty shrugged and just kept working so I let it go.

 

I sat next to Murphy until the sun came up, periodically checking his vitals and cleaning the wound. There wasn’t much I could do for him until I could get a group together to go down to the river. If today was anything like the last time, there would be acid fog and we needed to be prepared.

 

Octavia returned after breakfast was served with a plate of deer meat for Monty and I. The smell of food was enough to stir Jasper and Finn out of their sleep. Finn came over to see if I needed any help, but I told him to go get breakfast with Jasper.

 

“Can you hold him down? I need to cut away the infected flesh.” I asked Octavia. She looked nervous, but she still walked around me and held him down. The more I cut at him, the louder he screamed and the more frustrated the group outside became.

 

“Clarke, people are getting restless. A team needs to go get the seaweed now.” Bellamy said as he climbed up the ladder.

 

“I know, I’m going.” I said, setting down the knife.

 

“I’m going with you.” Octavia insisted.

 

“No, I need you to stay here with Murphy for the day and make sure he’s comfortable.” I told her. She groaned, but she didn’t protest.

 

“So who’s going with you?” Octavia asked.

 

“I’ll go.” Finn said as he climbed up the ladder behind Bellamy.

 

Bellamy glared at Finn, “You know what, I’ll go too babe.” He said to me.

 

The silence in the room was deafening and the last thing I wanted to do was be trapped in an old car with them both over night, but they were the only help I could get.

 

“I’ll put Miller in charge of the camp and warn him and Atom about the acid fog. I’ll meet you at the gate in ten.” Bellamy said as he climbed down the ladder. Murphy let out another cry of pain, but Octavia was quick to place a cold towel on his head to comfort him.

 

“Shh, you’ll be alright. Clarke is going to help you.” Octavia cooed. I collected my things and smiled at her, knowing that I was leaving Murphy in good hands.

 

When I finally made it to the front gate, Bellamy and Finn were already there, waiting for me. There was an eerie distance between them, but I filled the gap and walked with them both at my sides.

 

  
“Look at this!” Finn exclaimed. I knew exactly what he had found; the old truck that we road the fog out in last time.

 

“Come on, it can wait, Murphy can’t.” I said. After a few more minutes of walking, Bellamy’s hand was laced with mine. His touch felt so natural that I hadn’t even noticed when he took my hand until i felt him squeeze it to get my attention

 

“How are you today, princess?” Bellamy asked. Finn walked up ahead of us, but I could tell he was trying to listen in on our conversation. I couldn’t understand why he was so interested in me this time, just like he had been the first time. This time around I was with Bellamy and he deliberately told me about Raven. It made absolutely no sense.

 

Octavia never ended up with Atom or Jasper this time. It was probably because Bellamy trusted his sister now and didn’t leave Atom in charge of her. Whenever Octavia wanted to come with us, Bellamy let her. But it was clear that Jasper still liked her, although she barely noticed him. Last time he had to do adventurous things and overcome death to get her attention, but even then what they had didn’t last. Maybe being in prison with me changed her too.

 

All of this still didn’t explain why Finn was acting like he had feelings for me. I thought I’d made it clear that I wasn’t interested, but he didn’t seem to be getting the picture. If he didn’t back off soon, I knew that Bellamy would step in, and that was the last thing I wanted. Bellamy was managing to keep his cool much better than I thought he would, but his patience with Finn was wearing thin.

 

“Princess?” Bellamy asked. I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to him.

 

“I asked you how you were doing but you completely zoned out on me for a second there.” He said, with a hint of worry in his voice.

 

“I’m better today.” I replied. That wasn’t a lie, the more time I spent with him, the more I felt like we were getting back into our normal routine as a couple. Well, as normal of a routine as a couple can get that’s reliving two years over again.

 

“That’s good. I barely slept last night.” He admitted.

 

“How come?” I asked as we finally reached the river.

 

“I was thinking about what you said, and I wanted to watch you sleep. Something about the grounders being out there again made me want to stay up on guard, just in case.” He answered. I was speechless. Bellamy had stayed up most of the night last night just to watch me sleep. I blushed and looked at the ground, unsure of how to respond but I felt a smile creeping up on my face. Part of the reason why I loved Bellamy so much was because he still gave me butterflies.

 

“You’re a beautiful sleeper by the way.” He added. I laughed as we trudged into the water and collected the red sea weed. Finn stood on shore, clearly feeling like the third wheel, but I tried to ignore him.

 

“Especially when I drool right?” I teased.

 

Bellamy chuckled, “Especially then because that’s when I know you’re having weird sex fantasies about me.”

 

I splashed him with water for the comment, prompting him to splashing be back, thus inciting a water splashing war.

 

“Uh, guys.” Finn said . We ignored him, simply laughing and playing in the water together. I dunked Bellamy, but he broke free from the water and shook his hair out in my face. I laughed as he tackled me under water. We were both submerged when Finn came running towards us.

 

“GUYS!” Finn screamed as we came back to the surface for air. Bellamy and I stopped splashing around to glare at Finn. The water became still again and I felt like my heart dropped. Several birds flew overtop of us and the sky became bright yellow. Suddenly, a huge tornado of Acid Fog was barreling towards us.

 

“Run, RUN!” I screamed, heading for the shore with Bellamy close behind me. I kept the seaweed close to me as we bolted through the forest so I wouldn’t lose it. The cloud of fog was catching up to us quickly, but we were almost to the truck.

 

“Clarke, run!” Finn shouted from up ahead. Bellamy was behind me to make sure that I didn’t fall. I could see the door of the orange truck swing open as Finn crouched down and waited for me to arrive. The acid fog was hot on our tail and it was starting to blow onto Bellamy’s skin.

 

“Gah! Dammit!” Bellamy shouted as the fog drifted closer and closer to him.

 

I jumped into the truck as quickly as possible, followed by Bellamy and later Finn. Their skin was already starting to blister as I did my best to seal any openings. Once we were safely sealed off, I collapsed in the backseat and tried to catch my breath.

 

“Are you alright?” Bellamy asked me, looking me up and down for blisters.

 

“Yeah, you?” I asked.

 

“Yeah, a few blisters but nothing that will kill me.” He replied, kissing my forehead in relief.

 

“So THAT is the acid fog you were talking about? Holy shit.” Finn said as he rummaged through the car. I knew he would find the bottle of whiskey soon and I honestly couldn’t wait to get my hands on it.

 

“I hope Atom’s alright.”  Bellamy said to me. I leaned over to rest my head on his shoulder and hold his hand.

 

“He didn’t go hunting with you this time, I’m sure he’s back inside the drop ship with everyone else.” I comforted him. Bellamy nodded and rested the side of his head against mine. We laid like that until Finn turned around with the bottle of alcohol.

 

“Booze-” Finn gasped, pulling out the old bottle of whiskey. Now Finn had Bellamy’s attention. He sat down across from us and took a sip of it, shuddering at the strength of it.

 

“Whiskey I think, better than the moonshine on Agro station.” He said, but I already knew that because he’d said that before. Bellamy leaned over and grabbed the bottle from Finn. Then he took a swig of it without even flinching.

 

“Damn that’s some good booze.” Bellamy said as he handed the bottle to me. I took a swig as well, and sighed as I passed the bottle back to Finn.

 

A few hours later, I realized that my tolerance level was not the same as it had been before Bellamy and I were sent back in time. I still had the tolerance of my younger self, making me become very drunk very fast.

 

“You wanna know what I wanna know?” I slurred, not making any sense. Finn burped and chuckled. He was drunk, but not nearly as drunk as I was. Bellamy, on the other hand, was just lightly buzzed.

 

“Why the hell we are being forced to relive the past. I’m not a bad person, I don’t deserve this.I can be fun. You think I’m fun?” I mumbled, taking another swig from the bottle. Bellamy gently reached over and took the bottle from me.

 

“I think you’re cut off.” Bellamy said.

 

“Hey, there’s something we both can agree on.” Finn said to Bellamy. Bellamy raised the bottle to that and took another drink.

 

“I’m still fun and sexy! You think I’m fun and sexy right?” I asked Bellamy while I ran my fingers up and down his arms.

 

“You’re fun and sexy.” Bellamy said awkwardly.

 

“You don’t seem like you mean it.” I pouted, crawling away from him. The words were coming out of my like vomit and I couldn’t control it.

 

“I mean it, Clarke.” He said.

 

“Finn used to think I was fun and sexy.” I slurred. Bellamy’s face turned red and his fists clenched but I couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of my drunk mouth. He looked like he was about to punch the smirk off of Finn’s face.

 

“What do you mean?” Finn asked, suddenly growing serious and prompting Bellamy to back off.

 

“You were in love with me and I was starting to fall in love with you too, but you broke my heart when I found out about Raven and then you died. I was the one-It was me I did it. But I had to, I had to kill you, Lexa would have-I had to...” I broke out into hysterical sobs that I couldn’t control. It was like my emotions were heightened and Bellamy didn’t know whether he should comfort me, beat Finn to a pulp, or be angry with me.

 

“What is she talking about?” Finn demanded.

 

“Finn, not now. I promise we will explain once Clarke is in her right mind.” Bellamy said more calmly than I thought he would, but his demeanor stayed tense and angry.

 

“But I’ve always loved Bellamy. That’s why I never took you back, I couldn’t, I loved him. It will always be Bellamy.” I rambled. Bellamy’s gaze softened.

 

“It was our day trip, I fell in love with him on our day trip...but then I thought he was floated and I shut down and now I need to fix us, but idk how to and I’m scared.” I ranted through the tears. Bellamy came over and held me in his arms, whispering to me that it was going to be okay.

 

“I want to fix everything but I just keep ending up messing it up.” I stumbled over my words. Bellamy kissed me on the forehead and rocked me to sleep in his arms.

 

\--

 

The next morning I woke up first with a brutal headache. It took me a few minutes to realize where I was. Bellamy was holding me while Finn was sleeping across from us with his feet over mine due to the cramped space. I shook Bellamy awake, remembering that we had to get to Murphy.

 

“Bellamy get up! We have to go!” I said while I shook him. He groaned and pulled me closer to him, not letting go of his hold.

 

“Bell, we have to get the seaweed to Murphy before someone tries to kill him.” I said as I continued to shake him.

 

“Morning princess” Finn said as he rubbed his eyes. He was cradling the liquor in his arms still from when he’d fallen asleep.

 

“We have to go.” I said to him. Bellamy was finally starting to wake up so I was able to pry myself from him and get up to open the car door. The fog was long gone, and we’d definitely overslept.

 

“Come one guys, Murphy’s dying.” I called down to them once I was back outside. Bellamy was the first one up out of the truck. He gave me a soft kiss on the lips as a way to say good morning. I instantly relaxed and pulled him in for a hug.

 

Finn was next from the truck, carrying what was left of the whiskey. I walked ahead of them, determined to get home as quickly as possible. Bellamy stayed on the lookout for grounders, but I wasn’t worried considering the fact that the grounders weren’t doomed to attack again for a few more days.

 

I could hear Murphy’s cries before I could even see the drop ship. The fence was almost done so I had to be let in the gate by the patrols, but I beelined my way straight to the drop ship. Finn followed close behind me while Bellamy went to go find Miller and figure out the casualties from the acid fog.

 

“Thank god you’re back, they were getting ready to kill him.” Octavia gasped. I ran over to Murphy. I told Finn to get me something to make the tea with while Jasper and Monty continued to attempt to contact the Ark.

 

Once the tea was done. I gently lifted Murphy’s head and poured it into his mouth. Now it was only a matter of time before it kicked in and he would be fine.

 

“So he’s going to live?” Octavia asked.

 

“Yeah, he’s going to be fine.” I assured her. She leaned back and sighed in relief.

 

“Go get some rest, you deserve it.” I told her. She nodded, gave Jasper a smile, and then headed to her tent.

 

“You guys should too.” I said to them.

 

“No, Monty should. He hasn’t slept in over 24 hours.” Jasper said.

 

“As the only, almost doctor on the ground, I am prescribing you to get some rest, Monty. I’m sure Jasper can take over just fine.” I said. Monty groaned and set his tools down.

 

“I’ll be back here in five hours.” He said quickly as he took the bottle of whiskey from Finn and headed down the ladder.

 

“Watch him for me?” I asked Finn. Finn nodded and sat down beside Murphy.

 

“I’m sorry for everything I said last night. I know it probably didn’t make any sense.” I added.

 

“It’s alright, whenever you’re ready to explain it I’ll be here.” Finn replied.

 

“Okay…” I whispered and then went down the ladder as well.

 

“Hey Miller, have you seen Bellamy?” I asked the second I saw him.

 

“Yeah he’s by the fire.” Miller replied. I thanked him and made my way towards the bonfire. Several members of the hundred were sitting around it, trying to keep warm. Bellamy was talking to Connor and Atom while Harper and Fox drooled over them. I chuckled as I took a seat across from him.

 

“I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow.” Bellamy said as he stood up. He reached down and grabbed my hand to help me up and then lead me back towards our tent.

 

“Any casualties?” I asked.

 

“Yeah only two. They were too far outside of the walls. Atom was fine, no one went out hunting today.” Bellamy replied.

 

“What about Charlotte?” I asked. I hadn’t seen her yet and it was starting to worry me.

 

“She isn’t here. She hasn’t been arrested yet.” Bellamy said quietly. That meant that we weren’t out of the woods yet with her and Wells. When the Ark comes down here, she could still try to kill him or Jaha and we can’t let that happen.

 

“We will save Wells.” Bellamy said, like he was reading my mind.

 

I walked into our tent and collapsed onto the bed, completely exhausted. Bellamy laid next to me, and pulled the covers over us. The night was cool, but not freezing cold. It must be fall because it’s warm during the day and chilly at night. I curled into Bellamy and placed my feet in between his. I always did this when I was cold because he would rub his feet against mine and warm them up.

 

In this moment, with his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me against his chest, I knew I had to have him. I wanted to kiss every inch of his tanned skin, feel him inside of me, and become one with him. This Clarke was still a virgin, and she intended on losing her virginity to Bellamy Blake.

 

“Hey Bellamy?” I whispered.

 

“What is it babe?” He asked sleepily. For a moment, I was afraid that this wouldn’t be the right time to ask. What if he said no?

 

“I’m ready when you are.” I said, looking into his deep brown eyes. At first, he was confused, but when I let my hands slowly wander across his body, he knew. We hadn’t had sex yet, because of all of these distractions, but now we had a night to ourselves and I wanted this.

 

“Are you sure?” I asked me, caressing my face.

 

I leaned in and kissed him, “yes, I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life.”

 

Bellamy moaned and crashed his lips into mine, quickly climbing on top of me and pressing me against the blankets. I lifted my shirt over my head and helped him take his off too. I let my fingers run across all of his muscles and he kissed my neck and panted my name. I wanted him so badly, I felt like I was going to explode, but Bellamy wanted to do this right.

 

He ran his fingers through my hair as his lips traveled down to my collarbone and then to my breasts. He unhooked my bra in one quick motion and then threw it on the ground. I moaned as he began to gently massage my breasts while leaving a trail of kisses down my stomach. He’d nibble on my skin just a little bit, making me want to cry out his name. Once he got close to my pants, he lifted his head and returned to kissing my lips. He ran his hands up my arms until they were laced with mine. Then, he pulled my hands over my head and continued to kiss me passionately. I couldn’t help but melt as he began to grind on me, teasing me.

 

“Bellamy, please-” I gasped. He chuckled which honestly made him even more sexy. His deep voice mixed with the sounds of him panting and groaning were enough to turn me on.

 

“Not, yet, princess.” He said in between kisses. I decided to take matters into my own hands and speed up the process. I freed my hands from his and unzipped his pants. He allowed me to tear them off of him, leaving him only in his boxers. I smirked into our kiss as I reached my hand underneath the hem of the boxers and grabbed onto him. He was huge, much larger than I had anticipated, which only made me want him more. Bellamy’s breath hitch when he realized where my hand was, and now it was my turn to take control. Just as he was getting mesmerized by my hand rubbing him up and down, I released him for a moment. He pulled away, confused by why I stopped until he realized I was wetting my hand with my tongue. When I wrapped my wet fingers around his cock he let out a gasp in pleasure. That was it.

 

Next thing I knew his boxers were off and he was positioning himself to come inside of me. We gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment, just in case one or the other suddenly had a change of heart, before he lined himself up and slowly pushed inside of me.

 

I yelped in pain, since this body was still a virgin, causing him to pause. He wasn’t even halfway inside of me before I was biting my lip, trying not to cry.

 

“Are you alright?” He breathed, concern covering his face.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I gasped.

 

“Okay, I’ll take it slow. This is all about you tonight, okay? Just relax.” He said. I nodded and braced myself for him to keep going.

 

“Just focus on me, focus on my eyes. Clarke, I love you.” He panted. I did exactly as he said, trying to count all of the different colors of brown that made up his unique eyes. They were like a swirl of chocolate that I just wanted to get lost in.

 

“I’m completely in babe.” He said. I smiled and sighed in relief. It would only get better from here. He tried thrusting, very slowly until my body adjusted. With every thrust, it felt better and better.

 

“Good?” He asked with a smile.

 

I smiled back, “I’m perfect.”

 

We decided to stay in the position for tonight until I was fully comfortable. It would take a few more times before sex became completely painless again. I could tell when Bellamy was getting close by the way his muscles tensed. I pulled him closer to me and kissed his neck as he came inside of me. I tugged on his dark hair as he wound down and then pulled out.

 

“Now it’s your turn.” He said with a wink. I was confused at first, until he dove under the blankets and began to eat me out. I clutched onto his arms as they ran up and down the sides of my waste. I knew my nails were digging into his skin, but I couldn’t help myself. I felt myself getting closer and closer, as he tongued my clit.

 

It was like a wave of pleasure covered every inch of my body as I came in his mouth. I screamed his name at the top of my lungs, and I knew I’d hear about that tomorrow from the rest of camp, but I didn’t care. Bellamy kept going until I forced him to stop because I was so tired.

 

“Wow.” He said as he poked his head back up. He licked his lips and then laid beside me.

 

“That was the best sex I’ve ever had.” I gasped. Bellamy chuckled and reached across the blankets to hold my hand.

 

“I love you so much, Clarke.” He whispered.

 

“I love you too, Bellamy. Always.” I replied. A rush of relief flooded both of us when I said it. I hadn’t told him I loved him in a long time, but now I knew that it didn’t matter how much I tried to push him away, I’d always come back to him. It would alway be Bellamy.

 

We fell asleep shortly after that, both of our bodies exhausted from the long day. We may not know why we were sent back here, but what we did know was that we were in love with each other, and no act of the universe could ever change that.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I suck at writing sex scenes but I hope you guys enjoyed it. I'm moving this week so my updates might not be as often as usual but I won't leave you hanging for long I promise.
> 
> As always, I appreciate all of the love I get from you guys in the form of COMMENTS and KUDOS. Every time I read your comments I feel like a kid opening a present on Christmas morning!


	14. Chapter 14

“Goodmorning beautiful.” Bellamy said. He was standing at the entrance to our tent with a plate of assorted fruits and nuts for breakfast. The plate was made out of a piece of the drop ship.

 

“Goodmorning.” I said as he sat down on the end of the bed and handed me the plate. There were cut apples, blackberries, and even some hazelnuts I think. I knew he must have been out most of the morning collecting and preparing the meal, but I had no idea why.

 

“What’s the occasion?” I asked, figuring he wanted something.

 

“Do I need a reason to spoil my girlfriend?” He asked.

 

I rolled my eyes, “So you don’t want anything from me?”

 

“I had the best night of my life last night, Clarke. Being yours, completely...what else could I ever need?” He said. I leaned over and planted a soft kiss on his lips before digging into my breakfast.

 

“So what’s on the agenda for today?” I asked through mouthfuls of fruit. I’d never had anything so fresh before in my life.

 

“Well, I was thinking, since this used to be the day that Wells was killed and that we hung Murphy, and since that isn’t going to happen, we could go on our early day trip.” Bellamy suggested. It was a good idea, we needed those guns if we had any hope in surviving a grounder attack.

 

“Alright, I can be ready to go as soon as I’m done eating.” I replied. Bellamy stood up and headed for the tent flap.

 

“I already got your pack ready to go. See you in a few babe.” Bellamy said as he left me to enjoy my breakfast. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have someone like him. He was too good to me and I loved it.

 

After eating every last crumb from my plate, I grabbed my pack and joined Bellamy in the center of camp. Everyone was already hard at work for the day, but many were staring at me wide eyed.

 

“You two definitely had a fun night last night.” Octavia teased. My face felt hot as everyone laughed and stared at me. I knew Bellamy and I had been loud, but I didn’t know we were loud enough for the entire camp to hear.

 

“Best night of my life.” Bellamy said again, kissing my forehead. Finn rolled his eyes and walked away from us.

 

“So where are you two off to today?” Miller asked.

 

“There’s a supply bunker not too far from here. We are just going to go on a day trip and bring back some stuff to help out around here. There are guns, bullets, blankets, and even food there.” I explained.

 

“Murphy said thank you for saving his life. I know it’s hard to believe, Murphy actually thanking someone, but he wanted me to tell you.” Octavia said. I smiled, happy that Murphy was feeling well enough to talk again.

 

“We will be back after dark tonight.” Bellamy said as he pulled his sister in for a hug.

 

“Be safe, Bell.” Octavia said.

 

“Always am, O.” Bellamy replied, pulling away.

 

“You ready to go?” He asked me.

 

“I’m ready.”

 

\--

 

It didn’t take us nearly as long to get to the bunker this time around compared to last time. Since we already knew where the hatch was, we got an extra hour back. I helped Bellamy pry it open and then followed him down the stairs. The bunker looked exactly the same. Bellamy headed straight for the barrels of guns and his face lit up like a christmas tree when he found them.

 

“God, so many memories.” I gasped, as I walked through the bunker. I found my way to the practice shooting range and sighed, remembering how Bellamy taught me how to shoot.

 

“I remember being so flustered because you were so cute.” Bellamy said as he came up from behind me.

 

“Do I still make you nervous?” I asked him.

 

“Always. You’re so amazing and it’s pretty intimidating.” He answered, placing his hands gently on my waist. I leaned against him and stared at the ‘x’ drawn on the target.

 

“So are you, by the way.” I said. Bellamy chuckled and planted a kiss on my head.

 

Suddenly, I felt him place something in my hands; it was a gun. Bellamy put one of his hands on the small of my back and the other on my forearm to help me steady the gun.

 

“Nice grip, Griffin. It’s almost like you’ve shot a gun before.” He teased, his breath hot against the side of my face. I desperately tried to stay focused on the “X” on the cloth but every time Bellamy breathed, I felt like my body was on fire.

 

“Now show me that you’ve still got it, princess.” He said as he released me. My body instantly felt cold when he backed away. Having him touch me like that made me feel safe, but now I felt light headed.

 

Before my eyes, the target hanging from the ceiling changed. All of the colors blurred together until I saw Dante Wallace standing right in front of me. I was back inside of Mount Weather, holding a gun to him as I demanded for his son to let my people go.

 

“None of us has a choice here Clarke.” He said desperately.

 

“You did! You could have let our people go. I didn’t have a choice!” I screamed at the vision.

 

The gun fired, hitting him directly in the heart. I screamed at the top of my lungs, only snapping out of trance when I fell back into Bellamy’s arms.

 

“CLARKE! CLARKE! You’re okay! Breathe! I’m right here, I’ve got you.” He begged. I dropped the gun onto the floor (thank God it didn’t go off again) and turned around to cry into his shirt.

 

“It’s okay, the nightmare is over.” He whispered as he rocked me back and forth.

 

“Those weren’t Hazelnuts this morning, were they?” I asked. I thought that I was fine, that I wasn’t high on jobi nuts this time, but maybe I was wrong. How else would I have seen Dante Wallace?

“Shit, I didn’t even realize what they were. God I’m so sorry Clarke.” He said.

 

“You didn’t eat any of them, did you?” I asked.

 

He shook his head, “No I didn’t.” and then he groaned, “God dammit I tried to do a nice thing for the girl I love and I managed to mess it up. I’m the shittiest boyfriend on the planet.”

 

“Bellamy, stop it. You didn’t know they were the hallucinogenic nuts. The good new is, you brought me back from the visions.” I consoled him.

 

“Clarke, I know how bad the hallucination can get. You saw me the mess I was after I snapped out of mine and then killed Dax. You’ve come so far since Mount Weather and I’ll never forgive myself if all of that progress is lost because of my stupidity.” He said.

 

“We’ll get through this, _together_. We always do.” I said, leaning up to place a soft kiss on his lips. He kissed me back, wrapping his hands around my waist and lifting me up into his arms.

 

“ _Together_.” He whispered into the kiss, and I sighed, we were better together.

 

\--

 

I hallucinated one more time that afternoon before we headed out of the bunker with the supplies on our backs. The hallucination was of when I killed Finn. Lexa was right about one thing, that would haunt me forever. Luckily, Bellamy was able to snap me back out of it again, but not before I tried to stab him with my flashlight.  

 

We walked back quietly, I was still shaken up by the vivid images and Bellamy was still wracked with guilt over the breakfast that went wrong.

 

“Clarke.” Bellamy whispered into the quiet night air. He stopped what he was doing and froze in place.

 

“Don’t. Move.” He whispered between clenched teeth. I froze in place but let my eyes wander to the trees. There were two grounders positioned with arrows pointed directly at us.

 

“Wait, this wasn’t supposed to happen.” I whispered back. He slowly reached for one of our new guns and I followed his lead to do the same.

 

“We went on the day trip early. We messed with history and the universe is not happy about it.”

 

That was the last thing I heard him say before a club hit me in the back of my head. I hit the ground hard, landing on the side of my face. I fought with all of my strength to stay awake, but I was about to lose consciousness. Bellamy had gotten a hold of his gun and was shotting at the grounders, but there were too many of them for him to take on alone. I watched as he struggled to save us all alone. A grounder was sneaking up on him, holding a club with my blood on it. I tried to scream his name to warn him, but no words came out. The grounder hit him on the head and he fell down right beside me. His face was covered in blood and dirt, and I was afraid he wasn’t breathing. His eyes fluttered open one more time and locked with mine. He could barely hold my gaze, but he stayed awake long enough to tell me to keep fighting to survive.

 

“Stay strong.” He whispered. I didn’t hear him say it because all I could hear was a loud ringing, but I could tell by the way his mouth moved that that was what he said. Just like that, he passed out again.

  
I rolled onto my back and saw three grounders looking down on me. The one in the middle was someone I could never forget, Anya. My eyes widened and I tried to say her name, but before I could, the grounder with the club hit me one more time, sending me into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is not the best chapter (or longest) but it's leading into some very important stuff. I'm in the process of moving (again) and I wasn't able to put as much time into this chapter as I would have liked to. Either way I hope you like it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to all of the hearts I'm about to break with this chapter.

As I slowly climbed back into consciousness, I felt a headache worse than the worst hangover I’d ever had. I tried to reach out and hold my head, but my hands were bound behind my back by ropes. It took me a few minutes to piece together what had happened, but once I did, I immediately searched the room for Bellamy.

 

I was tied up to a wall in an underground room. The room was exactly the same as the one where Finn and I tried to save Tris’s life after the bridge explosion. The good news was, I’d escaped this place before and there was no doubt in my mind that I could do it again. The only problem was, Bellamy wasn’t with me.

 

“Where is he?” I tried to say, but my voice was almost unrecognizable. There were two guards standing at the door wielding sharp swords. Once they realized that I was awake, one of them went to go find Anya.

 

“I know you speak English.” I coughed out to the man still guarding the door. He refused to respond to me, so I sunk back against the wall and waited for Anya to arrive.

 

“So you’re the leader of the sky people.” Anya said as she entered the room. I was happy and not happy to see her. Maybe this time if we did things a little differently, she could stay alive.

 

“How do you know that?” I asked, slightly hopeful that maybe she was sent back in time too.

 

“When we tied up the boy you call, Murphy, he begged us to save his life. In exchange he was willing to offer up your name.” Anya replied as she played with the knife in her hands. I groaned and rolled my eyes, of course Murphy would tell them about me.

When we cast him away and he was tortured by the grounders for three days, he told them everything. I couldn’t blame him for doing that again, he did have a spear through his chest, but still it hurt to know he wanted to trade his life for mine. I just spent the last few days saving him. Bellamy would kill him if he ever found out about this.

 

“The man you call Bellamy, offered us a deal.” Anya said. I was so relieved that Bellamy was still alive, but I had no idea where they were keeping him or what this deal was.

 

Suddenly, two guards entered the room, carrying Bellamy’s lip body. He was covered in knife wounds, burns, and bruises. My whole body felt numb looking at how broken he was. At first, I thought he was dead, but when they threw him on the floor next to me, I could hear him breathing. Tears of joy fell from my eyes as I watched his chest rise and fall. I’d treasure that view for a lifetime.

 

“We will give you a few minutes to discuss the terms of our agreement.” Anya said as she signaled for the guards to leave us alone. They knew that we couldn’t run; Bellamy was far too weak and I was tied to the wall.

 

“Are you alright?” I gasped. He lifted his head and nodded. His eyes were almost swollen shut, and the skin on his face was covered in so much blood that it all looked red.

 

“They tortured you.” I whimpered, trying to scoot over so that I could hold him, but not being close enough to reach. There was only a foot between us, but it felt like we were miles apart.

 

“It’s okay, I can handle torture. That’s why we are making a deal.” Bellamy was able to say. His voice cracked, and I could tell every word killed him to say, but he was doing his best to talk to me.

 

“You can handle the torture? Bellamy you haven’t been tortured before-” I cut myself off. The only thing close to torture he ever endured was when Murphy tried to hang him, right?

 

“You were tortured before, weren’t you?” I gasped, hoping that he would say no, but knowing deep down in my heart that the answer was yes.

 

“I wanted to tell you, but you were so wracked up in guilt already I just couldn’t-”

 

“You were tortured, because of me. You almost died inside of Mount Weather, because of me.” I cried. What if he died inside of the Mountain? The last thing I would have said to him was that sending him in there was worth the risk. I fucking told him that his death would be an affordable causality. What was wrong with me? How could I let Lexa get to me like that?

 

“Clarke, it’s okay. It wasn’t necessarily traditional torture like this, it was the intake that the grounders were forced to go through in order to become human blood banks. Look, we can talk about that later, the grounders will be back any minute.” He said. I tried to get myself together and focus. He reached over with all of the strength he had to wipe away my tears. I rested my cheek against his hand, knowing that we could die here and that might be the last touch of his that I ever felt.

 

“The grounders tortured me off and on for the past couple of hours. They wanted to know everything about us and our camp but I wouldn’t say a word. Eventually they gave up with the traditional methods and tried something else...something that they knew I couldn’t refuse.” Bellamy said.

 

“What did you do?” I gasped.

 

“They threatened to torture and kill you instead. I gave up, I told them that I would tell them whatever they wanted to know if they let you go, so that’s the deal we made.” He revealed.

 

“No, Bellamy. There’s no way in hell I’m leaving this place without you.”

 

“And there’s no way in hell I’m going to let them lay a finger on you. Clarke, I need you to focus and trust me. You need to get out of here, head for the supplies that we lost when we were ambushed and return to camp. You need to run the place with Miller and get the 100 ready for war. Octavia needs to find Lincoln, once they reconnect maybe we will have a chance at setting me free and creating peace. I need you to promise me that you’ll go and you won’t look back.” He instructed me. I shook my head, tears falling out of my eyes. How could I leave him again?

 

“Princess,” He whispered, trying to wipe the tears away again but only managing to smear his blood on my face. “Both of us don’t need to die in here.”

 

“I can’t do this without you.” I sobbed.

 

“And I can’t let you die. I’m only going to tell them select things, just enough that they are satisfied but not too much so that you all are safe. I need you to watch over Octavia, and tell her that I love her.” Bellamy told me. My whole world was crashing down around me. I was about to leave the man I love to die.

 

“It sounds like you’re saying goodbye…” I sobbed.

 

“No, this isn’t goodbye, baby. This is may we meet again.” He said, leaning over to kiss my forehead.

 

“I love you.” I crieed.

 

“I love you too, Clarke. I love you so fucking much.” He replied, pulling away from me for the last time. I could tell he was trying to stay strong for me, but it wasn’t easy on him.

 

“Times up. Do we have a deal?” Anya asked as she reentered the room.

 

“Yes we have a deal.” Bellamy answered for me. Anya signaled for her guards to grab me. I tried to fight them off at first, screaming Bellamy’s name, but Bellamy shook his head at me. He needed me to protect our people. If I stayed here to die with him, our people would be defenseless against the grounders.

 

With tears in my eyes, I let the grounders carrying me away from him, and I did what he asked me to do, I didn’t look back.

 

\--

 

It was dark outside when I finally made it back to the drop ship. There were several kids guarding the entrance, aiming their makeshift arrows at me. I tried to hold my arms up in surrender, but the guns and supplies were weighing heavily on my arms.

 

“It’s Clarke!” Miller shouted at them. The gate swung open, and I was greeted by Octavia. She ran to me, pulling me in for an embrace until she realized that her brother was missing.

 

“Where’s Bellamy?” She asked, searching over my shoulder to see if he was lagging behind.

 

“He’s not here, the grounders took us.” I whimpered. Octavia almost fainted but luckily Jasper was behind her to keep her standing. Several members of the hundred circled around me, curious as to what we would do next without Bellamy.

 

“Guns? Seriously?” Finn groaned from behind Conner and Mbege. I glared at Finn, I wasn’t in the mood for him right now.

 

“Miller, take these and give them to your best shooters.” I said, handing over the guns, “You and I are in charge now. You can handle the military, training, and hunting while I will cover strategy, building, supplies, and trying to make peace with the grounders. I need you to prepare everyone for war, because if I can’t negotiate Bellamy’s release, that’s what we will have to face.”

 

Miller nodded, pretending to keep it together, but clearly upset about what I told him. He and Bellamy had gotten pretty close since we arrived back on Earth and I knew this was killing him.

 

“It’s what Bellamy wanted.” I added. Miller bit his lip, but still held himself together. He knew we had a job to do, for Bellamy.

 

“You heard her! Jasper, Harper, Mbege, Conner, Sterling, Monroe, and Fox! Each of you grab a gun and get on the wall!” Miller ordered. The crowd dispersed, leaving me alone with Octavia. We were still outside of the gate, so I wrapped my arms around her waist and helped her inside. When the door shut behind us, I never felt further away from Bellamy.

 

“What the hell happened?” Octavia asked through fits of tears. I pulled her aside and lead her to my tent, only to be stopped by Raven.

 

“Holy shit, you’re here.” I gasped. Raven shrugged her shoulders.

 

“I’d been waiting out here for you since your boys brought me back to camp. Your mom sent me down here because the council wanted to execute 300 people. They thought that the mission to Earth failed.” Raven explained.

 

“Where’s my dad? He was supposed to stop them from doing that, “Plus, it’s a year early, they don’t need to execute anyone yet.” I argued. Raven gulped.

 

“The council figured that if they executed the people now, it would give engineering enough time to fix the problem.” Raven replied, but she was avoiding my question about my father.

 

“Raven, what happened to my dad?” I asked calmly.

 

Raven couldn’t even look me in the eyes, “Clarke...your dad’s dead.”

 

I felt my knees give out as I fell onto the dirt in tears. Today I managed to lose my father and Bellamy. How the hell was I supposed to keep going? How could I live without them?

 

“What happened? He, he said he would stop the council from killing all of those people. He promised Bellamy that he wouldn’t get himself floated.” I sobbed. Octavia reached down and rested her hand on my shoulder to try and comfort me.

 

“He knew that the council was going to go through with the culling and he thought that the people had a right to decide if they lived or died, so he aired a video of himself on the ark wide channel explaining everything. He told us about how the ground was safe, how the hundred are down here, and what the council planned to do. The council floated him for the broadcast, but people in the lower classes panicked. They knew that they would be part of the 300 so they (along with Diana Sydney) took the Exodus ship. The ship crashed several minors for here and had no survivors. Your mom sent me down a day before this all happened so I was able to tell the Ark that the ground is survivable. They are coming down this week. ” Raven told me. This couldn’t be happening, ,my dad made Bellamy a promise that he wouldn’t air that video.

 

“But he promised-”

 

“He was out of options. They were going to kill 300 people so he sacrificed himself so that the people would have a choice. He was a hero.” Raven said, “But because of your dad’s sacrifice, the culling never happened.”

 

“But he’s dead. My dad is dead and the grounders are going to kill Bellamy. What the hell am I supposed to do now?” I sobbed. Octavia helped pick me up and bring me into my tent. When I laid down on the bed, the blankets still smelled like him. Octavia crawled into bed next to me and held the blankets to her nose.

 

I sobbed and sobbed with Octavia for hours until we both fell asleep cuddling in my bed. It wasn’t the same, waking up next to the other Blake. I loved Octavia to death, but she wasn’t Bellamy. As much as I didn’t want to get out of bed, I knew I had work to do. If there was any hope in saving Bellamy, I had to keep it together.

 

I left my tent without waking up Octavia. She could use the extra sleep after everything we’ve been through.

 

“Clarke, how are you doing?” Raven asked as she ran to me.

 

“I’m alright.” I replied.

 

“Your mom is on the radio, she wants to talk to you.” Raven said. I groaned and followed the girl to the drop ship where her radio was set up.

 

“Hello?” I asked.

 

“Clarke! Thank God you’re alright.” my mother exclaimed over the radio.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. What is this about?” I asked impatiently. I knew she wasn’t responsible for my father’s death this time, but I was sure that she sided with the council.

 

“Thelonius and Wells wanted me to tell you about a bunker located-”

 

“I already went there with Bellamy.” I cut her off.

 

“Alright then, Raven tells me the Exodus Ship crashed the day after she arrived and that a group of boys went to scope out the reason for the crash this morning.” My mother added. That was strange, since Bellamy, Raven, Finn and I went to the site the last time.

 

“Has Sinclair figured out how to send the Ark down?” I asked.

 

“Yes, he’s finishing that up as we speak. The Ark will be arriving in a week’s time if all goes according to plan.” She told me.

 

“And when you get here you will have a team assembled to rescue Bellamy, correct?” I asked.

 

She hesitated for a moment, “the council will have to vote-”

 

“Mom! Bellamy is out there, getting tortured by the grounders so that we can all survive. He gave up so much for all of us and you’re just going to leave him out there to die? How could you?” I gasped.

 

“Clarke, sweetie, it’s not that simple. We can’t risk the lives of our own to save one boy.”

 

“If I were still out there you’d risk the lives of everyone on the Ark to save me. If you won’t save him, then I will.” I snapped.

 

“Clarke, don’t go and get yourself killed. Raven told us about the deal Bellamy made with the grounders. They are willing to leave you all alone for now if you stay away from them. You kids don’t have enough weapons or strength to fight a war!” Abby yelled.

 

“We could do just fine without you.” I seethed, “I’m done talking to you!”

 

I slammed the radio off and leaned back in the drop ship chair, crying. Miller cautiously stepped in, resting his hand on my shoulder. He was covered in dirt and ash from the Exodus Ship,

 

“Clarke, we have a problem.” He said, I turned around, not knowing what could be worse than everything that has happened already.

  
“Octavia’s missing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super angsty I know, but I promised a happy ending and this is very important for what's to come in the later chapters. I really want to know if some of you figure out what I have in store for Bellamy. There's a little hint in this chapter that could clue you in to what the purpose of him staying behind is.
> 
> Thank you again for all of the comments and kudos!


	16. Chapter 16

I was relieved when I went back into my tent and found Bellamy’s jacket lying in the corner of the room. It was a little dirty from being on the ground, but I was just glad to have a piece of him  with me. The sleeves covered my freezing hands while the rest of the jacket hung on me like a dress. Bellamy had always been very tall and muscular, which was something that I loved about him. He was the perfect height to kiss my forehead and lift me into the air. I hugged the jacket to my chest and soaked in the smell of him that was starting to coat my skin. When I closed my eyes, it felt like he was still there with me, holding me tightly and assuring me that we could make it through this.

 

“Clarke? Can I come in?” Raven asked.

 

“Yeah, come in.” I replied as I sat on the mess of blankets I was too lazy to fold.

 

“Are you going with them to find Octavia?” She asked me. I knew she was staying behind to keep the radio going and help Monty make more bullets, but I wasn’t sure if I was going. Either Miller or I would have to stay behind to make sure the camp was protected. If Bellamy had a choice in this, he’d want me to stay behind and stay safe rather than possible lose me and his sister, but he wasn’t here to help me make this decision. Octavia was one of my best friends, and I’d do anything to keep her safe. The odds were that she ran off to search for her brother and ended up getting lost. I was the only person in this camp that knew where the grounders were keeping him.

 

“Yeah, I’m going.” I decided. Raven nodded, probably expecting my answer.

 

“Well the group is heading out after breakfast. Do you want anything?” She asked. I hadn’t eaten since I returned and if I was going to go out and look for Octavia, I’d need to have a full stomach.

 

“I’ll grab an apple.” I replied as I stood up. My pack was sitting near the tent flap, already packed from my last trip. Bellamy had packed it for me before we left. He even snuck in a couple extra rations for me just in case I got hungry...God I missed him.

 

I put on a brave face and stepped outside of my tent with nothing but my gun, knife, and pack. I rolled the sleeves of Bellamy’s jacket up so that I could hold my gun easier. It was damp outside, and the clouds rolling in suggested that there could be a storm coming.

 

“Clarke! Are you coming with us?” Jasper asked.

 

“Yep. I’m ready when you are.” I replied. So far it was Jasper, Roma, Monroe, Mbege, Finn, and a few other boys that I didn’t know the names of off hand. It was a good sized group, and it didn’t surprise me that this many people would be interested in going along to find Octavia; everyone loved her.

 

“Let’s get out of here.” Finn said.

 

“Lead the way, tracker.” Mbege replied. Finn stepped forward and motioned for Miller to open the gate. Once the gate was open, the group filed out one by one, leaving me in the back.

 

“Clarke, wait.” Murphy said faintly as he grabbed onto my wrist. I turned around and noticed that he looked far better today than he did about a week ago, but that didn’t mean I wanted to talk to him.

 

“Get the hell away from me.” I said, snapping my arm out of his grasp. I knew it was wrong to blame Murphy for what happened to Bellamy and I, but I couldn’t help it. He told the grounders who I was.

 

“What’s wrong, princess?” He asked insincerely. I cringed when he used the nickname as an insult.

 

“The grounders took us because you told them that I was your leader. How could you be so selfish? Bellamy’s going to die because of you and I saved your fucking life!” I screamed, alerting the camp of what was about to go down between us.

 

“Don’t go pointing fingers, princess. The grounders took you because that’s what the grounders do. It’s your own damn fault for being out at night.” He argued. A circle of members of the 100 gathered around us, all curious to see how this would end.

 

“The grounders recognized me because you were a coward who was willing to trade my life for your own. Bellamy was your friend, and we risked our asses to get you out of that tree and save your life. This is all your fault!” I screamed, pushing his chest. Murphy smirked and wiped the sweat off of his brow.

 

“You wanna go, princess?” He edged me on. I was in a very, very fragile and aggressive state right now. I was grieving Bellamy and my father, and he did not want to mess with me.

 

“Hey, maybe this is a good thing. Bellamy can do better than you. Maybe he’ll get a little grounder action while he’s down there-”

 

That was it. I tossed my pack to the side and lunged at him, slamming him straight into the ground. Everyone hooted and hollered as I pinned him to the muddy surface and punched him in the jaw. For a moment, Murphy took the upper hand and grabbed a hold of my neck. I squirmed in his grasp, fighting for air, until I was able to position myself so that I could knee him in the balls. He let out a high pitched yelp and released my neck just enough that I could grab his arms and pin them behind his head. I punched him over and over again until he got his strength back. I winced as he used his legs to knock me onto the dirt and kick me in the stomach. The next thing I knew, he was on top of me, punching me in the cheekbone and chin. I accidentally bit down on my lip, causing it to split open and the taste of blood to trickle into my mouth.

 

“You son of a bitch!” I screamed as I took my free hand and punched his spear wound. He let out a blood curdling scream and fell off of me. I felt the rush of adrenaline boiling throughout my veins. I was angry at everything and I just needed to let it out. I didn’t have Bellamy, or my dad, or Octavia anymore, why should I care? What did I have to live for?

 

“Clarke! Get off of him!” Finn shouted, grabbing me by Bellamy’s jacket and hoisting me off of Murphy. Murphy was laying in the mud, clinging to his chest where the spear wound was split open again.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Finn gasped as he pulled me away from the crowd. I watched as several kids ran to Murphy with the seaweed poultice I’d used to save him. I was sure he’d be fine, but that didn’t excuse what I did.

 

“You know what, it doesn’t matter. Let’s go.” Finn said as he took me by the hand and lead me out of the camp. Miller shook his head at me in disapproval but I just avoided his gaze. I needed to hate someone and Murphy was giving me so many reasons to hate him.

 

They say there are five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance; maybe I was on the anger stage? Regardless, I was livid at the world and just wanted to blame someone.

 

Finn pulled me towards the rest of the search group. They were waiting for us a few hundred feet away from the camp’s walls. They hadn’t seen what happened, but by my tattered clothes, muddy hair, bloody face, and weak limbs, they knew.

 

“I have to go up ahead and track. Stay back here with Jasper.” Finn said to me, handing me my pack and weapons back. I rolled my eyes and hugged Bellamy’s jacket to me as Jasper fell back into a step with me.

 

“I’m sorry about everything you’re going through, Clarke.” He said softly, “But we will get them back, I know we will.”

 

I gave him a fake smile. I wanted to believe that everything would work out well in the end, but that was never really the case in this world. People died, and we just had to learn to live with that. I’d lost all of my hope. This would turn out exactly the same as it had the last time, so what the hell was the point?

 

“Don’t shut down on us, Clarke. I’d hate to see you lose what makes you great.” He added.

 

“Thanks Jasper.” I whispered.

 

“Hey, maybe we can get Bellamy back while we are out here! We could turn it into a double mission.” Jasper exclaimed.

 

“It’s not that simple. Bellamy made a deal with the grounders, if they let me go then he’d talk. They are so distracted by him right now that they aren’t attacking us. If we provoke them, all we will do is end up getting Bellamy killed. Our best bet is to wait it out.” I replied. Jasper nodded, understanding and then adjusted his goggles on his forehead.

 

We walked in silence for awhile, which was my fault. I didn’t really have much to say to anyone anymore. I just sunk back into my own little world and let my mind wander about Bellamy, Octavia, and my father. Our group would stop every once in awhile when Finn found a clue, but other than that we pressed on through the woods.

 

I had no idea what to expect with this trip to find Octavia. The last time she went missing, Bellamy was the one who lead out a search party while I went to the art supply store with Raven to get something to help power the radio. Raven was probably back at camp now communicating with the Ark and helping them prepare to bring the whole ship down to the ground. I wasn’t worried at all about them, they’d be fine, just like the last time.

 

We reached a steep ridge and lost the trail. Finn groaned while Mbege shined his flashlight down to the bottom. It was pretty steep, but not too steep that we wouldn’t be able to climb down.

 

“Do you see that?” Someone said. I glanced down at the object hanging off of a plant.

 

“That has to be Octavia’s!” I gasped, “I’m going down there.”

 

“Clarke it’s steep.” Finn warned me. I rolled my eyes because the last thing I was worried about was my life.

 

“Hand me a rope.” I ordered. I took the rope and tied it to the my waist. Then, I slowly climbed down the hill until I reached the branch that the object was dangling on.

 

“It’s hers! I’m going all the way down to the bottom.” I shouted to the top. The rest of the group looked wary, but Jasper was quick to hand his torch over to Finn and follow me down to the bottom. He really did love Octavia, and I was glad to have him by my side.

 

When I got to the bottom, I flash of blood caught my eye, it was definitely recent. Jasper arrived shortly after me and crouched down next to me to get a good look at the blood. After him came Finn, and then the rest of the group.

 

“Lincoln!” I gasped, pointing to the trail of large foot prints ahead of us.

 

“The prints are deeping going that way.” Finn added. I took a look, and realized that he was right. “They were carrying her.”

 

“If they took her she’s alive. Like when they took Murphy.” Jasper said. I looked at Finn and Jasper before standing up again and following the trail. I had to find Octavia, it was the only thing I had control of and I wasn’t going to let her slip away from my grasp.

 

\--

 

The footprints lead us to a side entrance of a grounder village. There were skeletons hanging in the trees as a way to scare off any intruders, and they were definitely doing their job. The group behind us murmured about turning back, but that wasn’t an option for me. If we could find Octavia, then we’d find Lincoln and Lincoln could help us get Bellamy back peacefully.

 

“Anyone who’s afraid can go back. I’m going to get Octavia.” I said as I started to walk through the entrance. The majority of our group turned back, but Jasper and Finn refused to give up.

 

We followed the trail for another few hours in the dark before everyone started to complain about being tired. I sighed and decided that a few hours of rest couldn’t hurt. I ended up falling asleep in between Finn and Jasper. At some point in the night my head ended up on Jasper’s shoulder while Finn’s head ended up on mine. I was careful not to wake either of them up so I wouldn’t have to deal with the awkwardness that would ensue if they knew we’d had a three way accidental cuddle session during the night.

 

While I was eating my apple, the rest of the group woke up within minutes of each other. We casually talked over bites of fruit and protein bars until we all felt ready to start the search again.

 

Finn lead the way, but I could tell something was wrong by the way he furrowed his brow. After another twenty minutes, he finally stopped and groaned.

 

“I got nothing.” He admitted. I pursed my lips and tried to stay calm. I had no idea how this day was supposed to go. All I knew was that they found Octavia the last time and brought Lincoln back to torture him for information.

 

“We lost the trail.” Finn sighed. I rolled my eyes and headed off in a different direction from the group. We all silently decided to split in twos so that we could find the trail again.

 

“Wandering around aimlessly isn’t the way to find Octavia, we should back track-”

 

“We aren’t going back. Keep looking.” I snapped as I kept my eyes on the ground.

 

“Hey, where’s John?” Roma asked nervously. This was the first time I’d heard her talk since we left camp. I glanced behind me and didn’t see him anywhere. The trees rustled above us, but there wasn’t a breeze that would have caused them to move.

 

“I just saw him a second ago.” Jasper said shakily. I knew this couldn’t be good, but weren’t the grounders preoccupied with Bellamy? They were supposed to leave us alone...unless we just crossed a boundary and we were in their territory now.

 

Just then, a loud crash startled us all. Mbege’s body had fallen out of the trees with his throat slashed open. I covered my mouth to keep myself from screaming while the rest of the group scanned the trees in horror.

 

“They use the trees.” Finn said, stating the obvious. I rubbed my temples hating myself for not making a deal with the grounders before Bellamy. If he was here he could prevent all of these deaths. He’d lived this moment before, I hadn’t.

 

“We shouldn’t have crossed the boundary.” Diggs said nervously.

 

“Now can we go back?” Roma panicked.

 

We all stood in silence for another moment, until a grounder in the distance caught my eye. Jasper saw him too, and tried his best to stay calm.

 

“There, there!” Jasper whispered.

 

“Another one.” Diggs gasped. I had absolutely no idea what to do, we were surrounded. I followed Finn’s gaze to an opening in the direction that we were headed.

 

“We should run.” He said hastily, I nodded, agreeing with him and then took off running with him by my side. The rest of the group followed us as the grounders ran parallel to us.

 

“Let’s go! Let’s go!” One of the boys shouted. I was too panicked to know who’s voice it belonged to, but it didn’t matter. The grounders kept cutting us off so we all started to run separately.

 

“What are we going to do? They keep cutting us off!”

 

“Just keep running!”

 

I was starting to run out of breath, and that made me realize that this was exactly what they were trying to do. They wanted to tire us out so that they could kill us. We had to stop running and fight back.

 

We only had two guns with us because we left most of them back at camp so that the dropship was protected. There had to be a way we could get out of this without dying.

 

“I can’t run much longer!” Jasper cried out.

 

“I’m not stopping for him!” Diggs shouted breathlessly. We were turning on each other, all the more reason why we needed to all stop together and fight back.

 

“This isn’t working! We have to stop.” I said, stopping abruptly. Finn held onto my arm, concerned.

 

“Hey, what are you doing?” Finn panted.

 

“We can’t out run them, we have to fight back or we are all going to die.” I breathed. Finn squeezed my arm to tell me that he agreed. I glanced around the group, making sure everyone was there.

 

“Diggs! Where are you?” Roma screamed before she abruptly ran off after him. I took a deep breath and tried to recollect myself before I lead the rest of the group after Diggs and Roma. I had no idea what was about to happen, but we had to stick together. I wasn’t about to let anyone else die on me, not today.

 

“Wait, Roma, Stop! There could be more!” Finn shouted as we caught up with her. She screamed at the top of her lungs and took off in the other direction. That was when I noticed Diggs’ body impaled by a grounder trap.

 

“Holy shit.” I gasped. We all took off after Roma, realizing that the grounders must have been following her. For a moment, we lost her, but then her screaming lead us straight to her. When we found her, she was pinned up against a tree with a spear through her heart. I couldn’t even look at her.

 

“They’re playing with us.” Finn said. I glanced around the woods, not seeing any more of them.

 

“They can kill us whenever they want.” Finn added. I gulped and wondered if this would be my end? At this point, I didn’t really care if I died. I couldn’t save anyone.

 

“THEN THEY SHOUlD GET IT OVER WITH! COME ON!” Jasper screamed at the top of his lungs. I held my breath, knowing that every grounder in the area knew where we were now. We were fucking screwed. Jasper was panicking, Finn was trying to process everything, Monroe was in a daze, and I had no idea how the fuck Bellamy survived this initially. Jasper kept screaming until Finn ran over to him and tried to shake him out of his panic attack.

 

“THEY’RE COMING!” Monroe yelled. I pulled out my gun and waited for them to get close enough to shoot. They’d been out of range this entire time but I wasn’t going to let them dodge us any longer.

 

“Clarke! Don’t kill them it won’t solve anything!” Finn shouted to me while he tried to restrain Jasper. I stepped in front of the group and focused my aim on the grounder weaving his way through the trees.

 

“Get out of here! I’ll take him!” I shouted back to them. Just because I was willing to die didn’t mean I was going to take them down with me.

 

“Hell no!” Finn said, releasing Jasper to hold onto me. He tried to take the gun out of my hands, but I refused to let him.

 

“Clarke are you trying to get yourself killed?” He argued.

 

“Finn get out of-”

 

Just then the sound of the fog horn echoed throughout the trees. I didn’t remember acid fog ever happening on this day, but it was a year earlier so I wasn’t about to ignore it. The grounders took off for shelter, leaving us alone in the woods. I pulled out the tarps I’d packed and laid them out on the ground. Finn, Monroe, Jasper, and I all laid next to each other and seal it just in case. I was awkwardly sandwiched in between Finn and Jasper.

 

“How long are we supposed to wait?” Jasper whispered, breaking the awkward silence.

 

“Will this even work?” Monroe asked. I looked back and forth between Finn and Jasper.

 

I tried to listen to the air on the other side of the tarp. Normally when there was acid fog, it sounded like a howling wind storm. There was no way that there was fog right now.

 

I slipped out of the tarp, and confirmed my theory; someone blew the fog horn to protect us and that someone had to have been Lincoln.

 

“I think he’s alone.” Jasper whispered, pointing to a grounder running in the other direction. A smile spread across my face when I realized that it was Lincoln. He had Octavia again, which meant that she was alright and we were one step closer to getting Bellamy back too.

 

\--

 

We followed close enough behind him that we could track him but far enough away that he didn’t notice that we were there. He lead us to his cave, and we waited a few minutes at the entrance before we followed him inside. Octavia had to be in there, I just knew it.

 

Octavia was tied to the wall, panicking when we entered the room. Lincoln was passed out on the ground, probably because she hit him. I smiled, knowing that the warrior was still inside of her.

 

“Clarke!” Octavia cried. I grabbed the keys from Lincoln and unlocked her. As soon as she was free, she wrapped her arms around me and cried into my shirt.

 

“I thought I could find Bell, but he saved me.” She whimpered. I held her for another few minutes, just happy to have her back with me. Octavia gave me a hope that no one else could. Her strength and potential inspired me. She let me go when she noticed Jasper standing in the corner of the cave.

 

“How did you find me?” She gasped as she ran into his arms.

 

“Followed him.” Jasper replied, catching her in his embrace. I smiled at the two while Finn stared down at Lincoln. I had no idea where to go from here. We needed to bring him back to our camp, but there wasn’t really a good way to do that.

 

“We should go, now, before he wakes up.” Octavia suggested.

 

“No, we need to take him with us. He can help us peacefully get Bellamy back.” I argued.

 

“I don’t think he knows where my brother is. He’s not like the others.” Octavia said.

 

“But he’s one of them and speaks their language. Just trust me, Octavia.” I fought back.

 

Finn bent down to observe Lincoln and his fog horn. It took me a minute before I realized what was about to happen.

 

“Finn!” I screamed as I lunged towards him. Lincoln panicked when Finn touched him and instantly reached for his knife to stab him. Finn stumbled back in pain as Lincoln scrambled to his feet. I held my gun to him and he paused, staring at me in awe.

 

“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” He gasped. I tried to keep the gun steady but my entire body was shaking.

 

“You’re not supposed to be here, it’s supposed to be Bellamy.” Lincoln added. I gently brought the gun down to my side and met Lincoln in the middle of the room.

 

“Lincoln...do you remember?” I asked cautiously.

 

“I thought the spirits were punishing me for what I did as a reaper...I’ve been reliving the past two years.” He revealed.

 

“Holy shit.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT TWIST :) Lincoln is in the loop! I went back and forth trying to decide if I wanted Lincoln to remember or not but felt like it would be cool if he did. He has a lot of guilt on his shoulders too at the end of 2x16. He had to deal with his addiction, and all of the people he killed as a reaper, etc. Plus I felt like he could become a cool guide for Bellamy and Clarke. 
> 
> Sorry I took so long to update, I had to rewatch 1x06 to make sure I got all of the quotes right. I want to make sure everything is canonly accurate. 
> 
> The next update might be delayed because I'm going to be in Atlanta for the weekend to attend Dragoncon (and hopefully meet Bob, Richard, and Chris). I'll have it up as soon as possible I promise!
> 
> I love reading your COMMENTS so please don't stop leaving them for me :) They inspire me to keep this going.


	17. Chapter 17

Our walk back to the dropship was painfully quiet. I had so many questions for Lincoln, but with Finn practically dying in his arms, there wasn’t any time to ask them. Lincoln told me that he hadn’t meant to stab Finn, but since he’d been living on his own for the past year, it was a natural impulse for him to do that. I couldn’t imagine going through this all alone.

Before we left, Lincoln grabbed the antidote and gave it to me. I wished we could have stayed in his cave to do the procedure, but I needed Monty’s moonshine to sterilize my hands and to have my mom walk me through it again. I remembered most of what I did the first time, but I wanted to talk to her just so I could be sure.

 

“I see the drop ship!” Octavia spoke up, pointing ahead.

 

“What are we going to do about him?” Jasper asked, nervously pointing his thumb over his shoulder at Lincoln. I glanced at Lincoln, whose expression didn’t waver. He seemed a lot like he had been when Bellamy brought him back the first time. He was quiet, for the most part, and wouldn’t take his eyes off of Octavia. She walked ahead of us, but Lincoln never stopped focusing on her.

 

As we approached the gate, Miller and Harper shouted for the Sterling to open the doors. Everyone was shocked by the drastic change in our group. We’d returned without John Mbege, Roma, and Diggs but we brought back Octavia, a grounder, and a dying Finn. The gunners on the walls trained their weapons directly on Lincoln, preventing him from moving any further.

 

“Miller!” I called out. Miller jumped down off of the wall and came outside to see for himself exactly what was going on.

 

Lincoln and Miller had gotten closer on the walk back from Mount Weather. After Lincoln helped Miller’s dad at the doors to Mount Weather, Lincoln and Miller had an understanding. Now, Miller looked at Lincoln with nothing but hate burning in his eyes. I stepped in between them as Finn groaned.

 

“What the hell happened?” Miller finally managed to say.

 

“I’ll explain everything once we get inside-”

 

“Like hell I’m letting a grounder inside of this camp! What would Bellamy say?” Miller argued.

 

“Bellamy would want this. Lincoln remembers, Miller.” I pleaded. Miller seemed to believe me for a moment, but then his eyes wandered down to the knife sticking out of Finn.

 

“Did he do this?” Miller asked, pointing to the knife. I couldn’t deny it, but Miller and the rest of the hundred didn’t understand that Lincoln wouldn’t hurt us. Finn was simply an unavoidable accident.

 

“He did but it-”

 

“Then there’s no way in hell he’s coming in here.” Miller said, glancing back at the rest of the hundred who were standing nervously inside of the walls.

 

“Miller, the knife has a poison that will kill Finn if we don’t get the antidote. Lincoln agreed to give it to us if we let him inside.” I lied, glancing back at Lincoln who gave me a look that showed his approval. I didn’t know how else to convince Miller to let me bring him inside. I’d have to slip the antidote back in Lincoln’s pocket before anyone found out, but that was a problem I could solve later. Right now Finn was dying and I needed to get him inside of the dropship to save him.

 

“Oh my God...FINN!” Raven screamed as she pushed past the crowd. Tears began to fall from her eyes as she tried to grab Finn from Lincoln. I instantly pulled her away and wrapped my arms around her.

 

“Raven, he’s going to be fine. I can save him. But I need you to go back to the radio and get in contact with my mother, I need her help.” I said calmly. I wiped the tears out of Raven’s eyes and sent her off towards the drop ship.

 

“Miller...please.” I said, turning to him. He rubbed his forehead and then held his hands up.

 

“Fine, but we are doing it my way. He gets tied up on the top level of the drop ship and he has two armed guards watching him at all times.” Miller compromised. I felt bad that Lincoln was going to be tied up again, but I nodded at Miller, allowing him and Atom to escort Lincoln and Finn into the dropship.

 

“Clarke, he saved my life! We can’t just tie him up! What if they torture him?” Octavia gasped.

 

“It’s the only way we can save Finn. I’m sorry.” I replied. Octavia rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in defiance.

 

“Please, just trust me Octavia-”

 

“I’m done trusting you, Clarke. You’re supposed to fix everything and look where we are now? My mother’s dead, I got locked up, Bellamy’s getting tortured by grounders, Finn is dying, Mbege, Roma, and Diggs are dead, and Lincoln is getting tied up. He didn’t do anything to hurt me. I wanted to just leave him but you insisted that we take him!” Octavia screamed. A loud crash of thunder roared in the distance as dark clouds rolled in.

 

“You shouldn’t have gone out looking for Bellamy! I had everything under control but then we had to go out there looking for you!” I screamed. Octavia scoffed.

 

“Stop blaming me for your mistakes! I wanted to leave, so if Finn dies in there, that’s on you!” Octavia yelled. I gulped, feeling a rush of guilt fall on my shoulders. This was all my fault...I couldn’t save anyone.

 

Octavia shook her head, “Everything that’s gone wrong is because of YOU!”

 

I blinked back several tears forming in my eyes as Octavia’s words replayed in my head. Everything that’s gone wrong is because of me. Whether it was in this universe or the previous one, I was the one to blame.

 

Octavia stalked off towards the dropship, probably to keep Miller and his boys from torturing Lincoln. I was left alone just inside of the open gate. I glanced up at the sky, watching the clouds darken and thought of Bellamy. Would he hate me for all of this? Why was I the one that was safe and why was he the one getting tortured? I deserved it, after all that I’d done.

 

“Clarke, hurry!” Raven cried. I reached for the gate and slammed it shut.

 

\--

 

I stood at the front door of the dropship, watching the rain pour while Raven desperately tried to get a hold of my mom. The storm was messing with the radio frequency making our signal almost useless.

 

I watched the lightning strike across the sky and wondered if Bellamy was okay. Was he out there in the rain alone? Was he even still alive?

 

I turned away from the door and tried to erase those thoughts from my mind. I had to stay focused on saving Finn...I could worry about Bellamy later.

 

Finn was lying on a table in the corner of the room, passed out. I ordered the rest of the 100 to go upstairs on the floor the Miller didn’t have Lincoln. Octavia ran inside of the drop ship, closing the door behind her.

 

“Here’s Monty’s moonshine.” She snapped, placing the bottle in my hands and then storming up the ladder. I glanced over at Raven, who was still trying to get a hold of my mother.

 

All of this stress made it difficult for me to focus on what I’d done to save Finn before. I knew I had to get the knife out, but I couldn’t remember what angle I was supposed to pull it out from.

 

“Raven?” My mom’s voice said through the radio. I ran over to Raven and took the headset from her so that I could talk to my mom.

 

“Mom, it’s me, it’s Clarke.” I said. I heard her breathe a sigh of relief. We’d talked a few days ago, but this was different. I explained to her how Finn was stabbed by a grounder and that I needed her help to tell me how to remove the knife from his ribs. She walked me through the process, periodically cutting out from the storm, and I was able to catch on fairly quickly. Everything seemed to come with ease as I steadied my hands around the blade and pulled it from Finn’s body. The dropship shook like it had the first time, flinging me across the room with the blade in my hand. I threw my head back, happy that I was actually able to save someone.

 

“Clarke can you hear us?” My mom asked. I stood at the other end of the room in shock, looking into Finn’s eyes. For that moment, it was as if we were the only two people in the room. All of the memories of me stabbing Finn felt like they were washed away. I’d saved him!

 

“She did it!” Raven gasped, snapping me out of my trance. I glanced around the room and shakily set the knife down away from Finn. The hard part was over, now all I had to do was plant the antidote in Lincoln’s pocket and then pretend to take it back.

 

I cleaned and stitched the wound while Raven sat at Finn’s side, stroking his hair. She was so thankful that he was alive, and so was I. When his fever kicked in, I took that as the opportunity to head upstairs and see what was going on with Lincoln. I grabbed the knife off of the table and stuck it in my pocket.

 

Octavia was screaming by the time I climbed up the ladder while Miller and his boys tortured Lincoln.

 

“STOP!” I shouted over them.

 

“You said he had an antidote! We’re trying to find out which one of these vials it is!” Miller shouted at me. I gulped and glanced at Octavia, who was almost in tears.

 

“Octavia-”

 

“Clarke he’s seizing!” Raven cried from down below. I glanced at Lincoln, who gave me a slight nod, and then ran back down stairs. I heard the knife fall out of my pocket but I didn’t have time to grab it.

 

“He was fine and-”

 

“Raven, it’s okay. I won’t let him die!” I assured her. She rubbed the tears out of her eyes and began to pace nervously around the room. I held Finn down, whispering to him that he was going to be fine. Once I got him steady and stopped him from seizing, I took the antidote out of my pocket and gave it to him.

 

“STOP IT! HE DOESN’T HAVE IT!” Octavia screamed upstairs. I stuffed the antidote in my pocket and bolted up the ladder.

 

Octavia was trying to pull Miller off of Lincoln. I ran past them and made my way straight to Lincoln who was covered in blood and bruises.

 

“I’m so sorry…” I whispered as I slipped the vial into his pocket.

 

“It’s okay. This needs to happen so I can get Octavia back.” He said weakly.

 

“WHERE IS IT?” I screamed at Lincoln, winking. He said stoic, but I caught the attention of Octavia and Miller.

 

“He won’t let me die.” Octavia said as she pushed past me. She took the knife that I’d dropped earlier and and sliced open her arm. Miller and his boys stood in shock as Lincoln nodded towards his pocket. Octavia immediately grabbed the vial out of his pocket and handed it to me. I thanked her, taking it downstairs and pretending to give it to Finn again. After Finn was done Octavia came downstairs for her share of the antidote and it was over. I’d saved Finn again.

 

\--

 

Raven was asleep when Finn finally woke up. The storm had died down and most of the hundred where outside repairing the walls and assessing the damage.

 

“Hey.” He whispered. I leaned over him and sat on the side of the table.

 

“Hey.” I replied, smiling down at him. He took my hand, which caught me off guard, but I squeezed it back and didn’t move.

 

“Good save.” He said. I chuckled and let my head fall. I was so relieved that for once something actually went my way. Finn couldn’t take his eyes off of me, but when I saw Raven out of the corner of my eye, I knew what I had to say.

 

“It wasn’t just me. She needs you, Finn.” I told him. His lips parted like he wanted to object but I didn’t give him the time to. I let go of his hand and stood up.

 

“Raven, he’s awake. He was asking for you.” I said. She jumped out of bed and immediately ran to his side, taking his hands and cuddling up against him.

 

“I thought I lost you.” She whimpered, burying her head in the crook of his neck. Finn’s eyes locked with mine as he held her, and I could tell what he was thinking without him even saying it. I turned away, leaving him with the girl who loved him. A girl who needed him in the same way that I needed Bellamy.

 

So I left them in the dropship, and I never looked back, because Bellamy was out there somewhere and I wasn’t going to rest until I was in his loving arms again.

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly guys I hate this chapter and I think it's because I hate writing Finn/Clarke stuff and this episode was one of my least favorites in the series, but on a brighter note the next chapter that I'm working on is one of my favorites :)
> 
> Sorry for the delay in updating, I was at Dragoncon all weekend and didn't have the time to update BUT I met Ricky and Chris so I'm a very happy camper.
> 
> Thanks for all of your kudos and comments :)


	18. Chapter 18

A few more days passed by that were pretty uneventful. I overslept yesterday and woke up to the entire camp high on Jobi nuts. Needless to say, I spent most of the day helping Raven and Finn babysit a bunch of high teenagers.

“You’re the most beautiful broom in a broom closet full of brooms.” Raven had said to Conner while I helped Finn stop a girl from crying. I was glad he was on his feet again, but the dynamic between he, Raven and I was beginning to get awkward. It was as clear as day that Finn had feelings for me, and that those feelings were starting to affect his relationship with Raven. I didn’t know how many times I could tell him I wasn’t interested, but he still didn’t seem to back off.

While we were busy calming down the camp, Octavia had taken the opportunity to set Lincoln free. She thought she was being sneaky about it, but I knew all along that that was what she was up to and I let her go. I’d meet up with Lincoln soon and discuss how to get Bellamy back, but I knew that having Octavia free him was an important developmental point in their relationship. Lincoln and Octavia had to get back together, they were meant for each other.

“Still no sign of the boyfriend, huh?” Murphy said, startling me. I turned around and glared at him.

“Shut up.” I muttered. I grasped onto the locket that was dangling around my neck. I never took off the locket that Bellamy had given me on our first date. It became almost like an appendage that I’d never remove because I couldn’t live without it. Every night before bed I’d open it to look at the picture of Bellamy and I. It was the only picture we had together and I’d cherish it forever.

“Just trying to make conversation, princess.” He said, putting his hands up in the air and smirking.

“Don’t call me that.” I snapped. Murphy wiped the sweat off of his brow and walked away, leaving me to stand at the gate alone, staring out into the woods.

“So tomorrow’s Unity Day.” Finn said as he came up behind me. The last thing I wanted to think about was Unity Day. Exactly a year ago I was having the time of my life at the annual Unity Day masquerade ball with Bellamy. Now he could be dead and I couldn’t help but blame myself.

“I know you hate it.” I murmured.

“How do you-” He paused and then shook his head, “right you’ve lived this life before.”

I wrapped Bellamy’s jacket around myself and leaned against the frame of the gate, still looking for a sign out there that Bellamy was coming home.

“You should get some sleep.” He suggested. He was right, but I hadn’t slept well in days. Octavia and I weren’t really talking, Bellamy was gone, and I’d lost hope. I was just going through the motions, trying to learn how to live without the people I love.

“I’ll try.” I mumbled. Finn gently rested his hand on my shoulder, but then pulled away when he felt my body stiffen.

“Clarke?” He asked hesitantly. I looked at him over my shoulder. He looked sad and confused, like there was a barrier between us that he desperately wanted to tear down.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what you said the night in the truck. I need to know what happened between us in the other lifetime.” He said. I licked my lips and closed my eyes. I’d been dreading this conversation, but he deserved an explanation.

“Okay, follow me.” I said quietly, as I lead him towards my tent. Everyone was asleep except for the guards posted on the walls. They were all exhausted from the jobi nuts.

I opened the tent flap and allowed Finn to come inside. He took a seat on the mess of furs, glancing nervously around the room. It felt weird to have someone other than Bellamy in here, but it was the only place we could talk privately.

“So,” He said as I took a seat next to him, leaving a few inches between us. I folded my hands in my lap and stared straight ahead. Several of Bellamy’s things were still sitting on the bin across from us, exactly where he’d left them. I couldn’t bring myself to move his things. When they were still sprawled out around the tent, it felt like he was still there.

“What do you want to know?” I asked, trying to focus on Finn.

“Were we together? Because I can’t get my mind off of you. Whenever you’re around I just-”

“Finn, please stop.”

“No, Clarke. You need to hear this. I have feelings for you. I know I shouldn’t, but I do and maybe if you can tell me what was supposed to happen between us then I can move on.” He said, his eyes begging me for answers. I ran my fingers through my hair and gave in.

“I didn’t know about Raven the first time. When I saw you, you surprised me. Being with you was always an adventure and I’d never been able to let loose like that before. You helped break down my serious exterior and allow myself to have some fun every once in awhile. One night when we thought the Ark was lost for good, you got upset and said that we were alone. I told you that you weren’t alone, and then you kissed me.” I explained. Finn nodded, staying quiet but gripping the furs tightly in his hands.

“Did we-” He asked, referring to us having sex.

“Yes we did.” I admitted, the words tasting sour as they came out of my mouth.

“But Raven came down the next day and I ended it. She found out and her heart was broken, but she still tried to make it work. You didn’t seem to want to make it work because you wanted me.” I stuttered. Finn inched closer to me and my body became tense again. Something about him touching me made me uncomfortable now. It was hard to describe, but it was the truth.

“You-You loved me.” I whispered, looking into his blue eyes. Finn reached up to touch my cheek and I closed my eyes letting the tears fall. His touch felt so wrong.

“Finn...don’t.” I whimpered, reaching up to pull his hand away from me. His fingers curled as he set his hand back down at his side.

“Did you love me?” He asked. I tried to blink back the tears and I knew he wanted to wipe them away, but he didn’t touch me again.

“Yes. I loved you.” I admitted.

“Do you still love me?” He asked, his eyes slightly hopeful.

I shook my head, “No, I love Bellamy. I’m in love with Bellamy.”

Finn stood up to leave, but stopped in front of the tent flap. My breath hitched as he turned on his heels, came back to me, and cupped my face. I froze in place, confused by what he was trying to do.

“I need to know. God, Clarke. I have all of these intense feelings for you, feelings probably from that other lifetime that I just don’t understand.” He gasped. I tried to scoot away but his hold on me was strong.

“Finn, don’t do this.” I whimpered. He rested his forehead against mine and my whole body felt numb. I was shaking in his grasp, wanting nothing more than for him to release me. Finally, when he noticed that I was crying, he let me go and stormed out of my tent. I hugged myself, crying into the sleeves of Bellamy’s jacket until I fell asleep in a pool of my own tears.

\--

When I woke up the next morning, the Unity Day celebrations were in full swing. A crowd was gathered around the monitor, watching the chancellor give his annual Unity Day speech while Jasper and Monty were in their tent making Monty’s famous moonshine. I stood on the door to the drop ship, watching everyone relax and take a day to just enjoy being on the ground.

 

Today was an important day for me in regards to getting Bellamy back. If everything went according to plan, I could meet up with Lincoln and get him to schedule a meeting with Anya. I could talk to her about peace and about letting Bellamy go. The only problem was that last time she had grounders positioned in the trees with arrows. Bellamy had saved my life that day, but he wasn’t here to do that again. This could kill me.

Unlike the first time, Finn was standing by the monitor with Raven. Although he was next to her, he wouldn’t stop looking at me. I shook my head and walked away, but I caught Raven’s jealous glance out of the corner of my eye and it broke my heart. Raven Reyes deserved way better.

“WOOO! YEAH! Monty strikes again! Hey! Call this batch Unity Juice, who’s thirsty?” Jasper exclaimed as he ran out of his tent with keg sized container over his head. He had his goggles over his eyes and a huge smile across his face. I missed this Jasper and I felt horrible about Maya, but at least I had a chance to make things right now. I chuckled as I followed the group to the middle of camp. I could use a drink after everything that’s happened.

“Happy Unity Day!” Jasper said to me as he poured me a glass of moonshine.

I sighed, lifting my cup to him, “Happy Unity Day.”

\--

The day was a blur other than Octavia running off again and Finn heading out after her. I knew that they were going to talk to Lincoln about a meeting with Anya and it was only a matter of time before they returned. I passed the time by playing drinking games with Sterling, Murphy, Fox and their friends. It was nice to let loose and forget about my responsibilities for a moment.

Murphy and Sterling were impressed by my skills at this game. We’d been playing for hours and no one was able to beat me yet.

“Well what do you know? Her highness can actually party?” Sterling joked. I winked at him as I set my cup down and tried to balance the coin on my nose. Just when it was about to fall, I saw Finn catch it in his palm.

My partying was over, now it was time to get Bellamy back.

“I need you to come with me and I can’t tell you why, okay?” Finn said as he hastily pulled me towards the edge of camp.

“I know where this is going. You spoke to Lincoln.” I said. Finn groaned, remembering that I knew everything that was about to happen. He rested his hand on my arm and I instantly shook him off.

“Hey, don’t.” I snapped. He rolled his eyes and stepped back from me.

“I’ve set up a meeting with the grounders.” He told me. I crossed my arms and looked at him warily. I knew he did this with Lincoln, but I was still nervous to go without Bellamy as my backup.

“I think we can do better than the first time around.” He said honestly. I glanced over at all of my people. Finn and I didn’t agree with a lot of things, but maybe he was right about this.

“Okay, I’ll go but I’m bringing back up-”

“No, way. We’re not bringing guns. Those weren’t the terms, and if we’re going to do this, we’ve gotta give it a fair shot.” He argued. I bit my lip and looked away, knowing that I’d have to lie to him again.

“Okay, okay. I’ll get my pack and I’ll meet you at the gate.” I said. Finn sighed in relief and headed off in the other direction.

I made my way towards Miller who was drinking with Monroe and Harper.

“I need to talk to you.” I said to him. He set his cup down and followed me off to the side.

“What’s up?” He asked.

“Finn set up a meeting with the grounders.” I told him. Miller’s face fell, instantly furious with Finn.

“He did what?” Miller gasped.

“Look, I trust Lincoln and I think this might help us get Bellamy back, but I need you to follow me as back up.” I said.

“Does Finn know about this?” Miller asked.

“Finn doesn’t need to know.” I said. Miller nodded and started to walk away, but I grabbed his arm.

“And Miller?” I began. He cocked his head to the side, “Bring guns.”

\--

Finn and I met at the front gate after I finished talking to Miller. I knew he would go and get Jasper and Raven to follow us as well, so I grabbed a packet of Jobi nuts to make him a path.

 

“Ahh!” Finn gasped, clutching his side. My doctor instincts kicked in, so I made my way over to him, lifting up his shirt. We both stared at each other for a moment, my hand on his skin, until I shook my head and broke our gaze.

“We need to keep moving.” I said. Finn sighed and walked ahead of me, giving me the opportunity to drop the trail for Miller.

\--

We arrived at the bridge by the morning. Octavia was already there, pacing back and forth, waiting for Lincoln. When she saw me, she gave me a faint smile, unsure of how to be with me. She had a right to be angry with me, but I just wanted our relationship to go back to the way it was.

There was movement in the trees and my nerves got the best of me, causing me to reach for my knife. Finn took my hand instead, squeezing it to try and make me feel better. I looked to my side to see Miller, Raven, and Jasper in the woods below; Raven looked pissed.

Lincoln came running out of the trees towards Octavia. Her face lit up when she saw him, sending her off sprinting in his direction until they collided and he scooped her up in his arms. I was so happy for them. They belonged together. Lincoln locked eyes with me, letting me know that he understood how I felt.

Before I could say anything to him, I heard Anya’s horses in the distance. She arrived at the other end of the bridge with two of her guards. They each had weapons, which I had predicted, and they did not look happy to see me. I tried to walk forward, but Finn followed. So Lincoln stretched his arm across Finn to block him.

“She goes alone.” Lincoln said. Finn nodded, releasing my hand. I watched as Anya dismounted off of her horse. All I wanted was for her to remember what happened the last time. Maybe if she did we could get to Lexa sooner and stop the Mountain before it was too late.

I made my way across the bridge, each step feeling like an eternity before I met her in the middle of the bridge. I extended my hand for her to shake, but she just looked at it and scoffed.

“We made a deal, Clarke. What is this about?” She asked.

“I think we got off to a rough start, but we want to find a way to live together, in peace.” I said. She was quiet for a moment, taking in everything I said.

“I understand...You started a war that you don’t know how to end.” She replied.

I shook my head, “No, we didn’t start anything. You attacked us for no reason, you speared Murphy, and took Bellamy.”

“You’re invaders. Your ship landed in our territory.” She snapped.

“We didn’t mean to, we were supposed to land on the other side of the Mountain but-”

“Did you mean to capture one of our own and torture him? Or send a group of your men out to scout our woods at night?” She asked. I glanced back at Lincoln, who gave me a supportive gaze. I never wanted any of this to happen. I didn’t mean for Lincoln to get tortured or for Murphy to lead a group out near the grounders’ camp.

“These are all acts of war, Clarke.” Anya added.

“I see your point, that’s why we need to put an end to all of this.” I said. Anya raised her head and nodded, giving me hope that maybe we could get Bellamy back.

“Lincoln said there are more of you coming down, warriors.” Anya said.

“The guard, yes. But also farmers, doctors, engineers. We can help each other, but not if we’re at war, and not if you have one of us captive.” I said.

Anya crossed her arms, “Can you promise that these new arrivals won’t attack us? That they will honor the terms that we set?”

I desperately wanted to say yes, but at this point in time, there was no telling what the chancellor or the guard would want to do once they get down here.

“Why would I agree to an alliance that your people can break the moment they get here?” Anya asked.

“If you fire the first shot, those people coming down here won’t bother negotiating. Our technology...They will wipe you out.” I said. She nodded, seeming to understand but still not wavering. This was getting nowhere.

Anya smirked, “They wouldn’t be the first to try.”

“Please, what can I do to get Bellamy back?” I asked, growing more and more desperate by the minute.

“We made a deal, Clarke. If you can’t honor that deal, how am I supposed to trust that you will honor this one?”

I was about to respond when I heard Jasper fire the first shot.

 

“CLARKE RUN!” Jasper shouted at me.

A grounder with an arrow fell out of the trees, landing on the ground. I knew that Anya was about to go for her knife, so I grabbed her arm and twisted it back, stalling her just long enough for Miller to notice and take a shot at her arm.

“Clarke get down!” Finn screamed as he ran for me. I ducked just in time for an arrow to graze my head and land on the ground in front of me. Finn lifted me up, carrying me off of the bridge as more arrows flew around us. Lincoln jumped in front of Octavia, taking an arrow for her.

“Lincoln!” I shouted as Finn pulled me away.

“I’ll figure something else out I promise! I won’t let him die” He gasped, clutching his side.

“Octavia go!” He ordered.

“No!” She argued.

“Octavia, go now!” He demanded.

Octavia hugged him and then ran off behind us into the forest. We ran for what felt like days but was only minutes. Raven, Miller, and Jasper met up with us, running ahead. We ran without stopping until we finally made it back to the drop ship.

“I told you no guns!” Finn screamed at me.

“I told you we couldn’t trust the grounders, I was right!” I fought back.

“Why didn’t you tell me what you were up to?” Raven asked Finn.

“I tried, but you were too busy making bullets for your guns!”

“You’re lucky she brought that. They came there to kill us, Finn!” Miller yelled.

“You don’t know that! Jasper fired the first shot!” Finn screamed.

“You ruined everything…” Octavia said to Jasper, before she stormed off.

“I saved you! You’re welcome…” Jasper called out after her. I watched as he sulked off after her.

“Well if we weren’t at war already we sure as hell are now. Looks like we aren’t getting your boyfriend back.” Finn snapped. I wanted to lunge at him, but Miller held me back.

“Let’s go.” Raven said through clenched teeth. Finn shook his head at me before Raven pulled him back towards camp.

I stood alone with Miller, both us us trying to catch our breath.

“Don’t listen to him. We’ll get Bellamy back.” Miller finally said. I nodded hesitantly and leaned against him, needing someone to support me. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. We gazed up at the stars and I couldn’t help but wonder if Bellamy was looking at them too. Was he afraid? Did he miss me too?

We stayed like that for awhile until I headed back inside for my tent and fell asleep.

\--

“SOMEONE GET CLARKE!” Octavia shouted from outside of my tent. I’d slept through most of the day, so it was dark outside when I finally found them. Octavia, Derek, Conner, and Murphy were hauling someone back into the drop ship. I assumed it was Atom since I knew he’d gone out on a hunting expedition earlier that day. Maybe he’d gotten hurt?

About twenty other teens followed them into the drop ship, so I had to push past them to see what was going on.

“Octavia! I told you to leave me outside.” He coughed, his voice very hoarse and rigid. I finally made it to the front of the crowd, and what was before me made me fall to my knees.

“Bellamy?” I cried, rushing over to hold him. His eyes were swollen shut, but when he heard my voice he panicked.

“Clarke, stay back! Get everyone the hell away from me!” He gasped. I ignored him, taking his bloody hands in mine and examining how his fingernails had been torn off. His clothes were tattered, his hair was clumped together due to the dry blood throughout it, and he was covered head to toe in open wounds, scabs, bruises, and dead skin. I’d never seen him in so much pain ever before.

“Bellamy…” I cried, pulling him in for a hug. He tried to squirm out of my grasp, and I couldn’t help but feel like he didn’t want me. Was he angry with me for what happened?

“Clarke...I tried to tell them to leave me outside. The grounders dropped me off outside of camp. They gave me the virus. I’m the weapon.” He whimpered. I glanced around the room at the terrified faces surrounding me. I slowly pulled away from him, looking at all of his blood covering my hands. Bellamy tumbled onto his side, puking up blood everywhere.

What had I done?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy's back!!!! Did any of you predict that this was why I had Bellamy get captured? Since the grounders didn't have Murphy to use as the weapon, they used Bellamy!
> 
> I love reading your COMMENTS so please never stop reviewing this work :) Let me know what you think about this twist!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had an idea, and I'd love to hear what you guys think about it in the comments below. I'm thinking of wrapping this story up but I want to publish another story that's exactly this but from Bellamy's point of view. Would you guys like me to publish the entire thing again but with Bellamy's thoughts on everything or just make a story of moments from Bellamy's point of view (Ex. How he made the deal with Anya, what his time with the grounders was like, how he fell in love with Clarke, when he told Octavia about coming back from the past, and his time working with Jake Griffin to try and stop his execution. Let me know what you'd be interested in so I can start writing it as soon as this is done :)

“Everyone except for the people who had contact with Bellamy get outside. Now!” I demanded. Everyone but Connor, Derek, Octavia, Murphy, and I left the drop ship quickly, afraid after they saw Bellamy puking up blood.

“So what the hell do we do now? If we aren’t sick already we’re going to be sick now.” Murphy spat. Derek and Connor nodded in agreement.

“We need to keep this virus contained. It passes quickly, and most people survive it, but others don’t. You all touched Bellamy which means you contracted the virus” I said.

“What about Lincoln? Maybe he has a cure that can stop it?” Octavia asked. I glanced down at Bellamy, who was on his side still puking up blood. I scoot against the wall to hold him in my lap and pat his back as he vomited. Octavia turned away, not wanting to see her brother like this.

“There isn’t a cure. I sent you there last time and Lincoln didn’t have one. The good news is, you’re immune to the disease. Maybe you can go and bring Lincoln here so that we can talk to him?” I asked her. She nodded and grabbed her pack.

“I’ll be back later tonight I promise.” She said to Bellamy. I thanked her and watched her run off out of the drop ship.

“What about us?” Connor asked. I glanced down at Bellamy and bit my lip.

“We’re all going to get sick.”

\--

It didn’t take long for the blood to rush out of my eyes. Bellamy saw it first, wiping it away with his thumb. I did the best I could to try and clean him up with a damp rag, but I was just getting sicker and weaker.

“Clarke?” He asked faintly. His voice was so quiet that it was almost non-existent.

“Yeah?” I coughed, feeling the nausea coming on.

“I’m scared.” He whimpered. I ran my finger through his hair and bent down to plant a soft kiss on his forehead.

“You’re going to be alright, I promise.” I told him.

He shook his head, “That’s not what I’m scared of.”

I was about to respond when Derek fell to the floor and began to seize. I crawled over to him, rubbing his back as his seizure came to a close and he took his final breath.

“Clarke!” Finn exclaimed as he ran into the drop ship. I knew Finn was immune too, but that didn’t mean I wanted him in here.

“Finn stay back.” I said, holding my hand out.

“I heard you were sick.” He said, bending down to touch me.

“That’s none of your concern.” Bellamy snapped. Finn crossed his arms and glared at Bellamy.

“Is this his fault?” Finn asked.

“Yeah it is.” Murphy chimed in before he started to cough up blood as well.

“Do you have a problem?” Bellamy asked, finally getting the strength to stand up again. Finn marched over to Bellamy, getting in his face, but Bellamy used all of his strength to push Finn away.

“As a matter a fact I do-” Finn began, but I got up to step in between them, splitting up the possible fight.

“Stop it! Finn if you’re going to be in here, it’s just to help the sick. If you won’t do that then get out of here.” I said. Finn groaned and headed over to aid Connor.

A few more teens wandered in showing signs of the virus, but it was hard for me to leave Bellamy’s side. I decided to make up a hammock for Bellamy so that he’d be more comfortable and I could get around to the others. With Murphy and Finn’s help we lifted Bellamy onto the hammock and covered him with a blanket. He fell asleep instantly and I could tell that he was improving by the minute. There was no doubt in my mind that he’d survive this again.

As the day went on, Murphy became progressively more helpful. We were both just getting sicker, but we pressed on, trying to make the drop ship as comfortable as possible for the others. By the end of the afternoon, Murphy was actually being nice to me, and I was enjoying his company.

Bellamy slept through most of the day, only waking up twice to throw up. I was there both times, at his side through all of it and he was grateful.

Finn left in the middle of the afternoon to check on Raven. She wasn’t showing any symptoms yet, but that could change.

“Clarke you should really lie down, you don’t look so good.” Murphy said. I knew he was right, I had passed out the last time, but I wanted to continue helping everyone for as long as possible.

Octavia burst through the door with a worried look on her face. She instantly ran to me, and it was as if we’d never fought. If she was willing to forget all of that then that meant something bad was happening.

“Lincoln left me a note that the grounders are attacking at first light. He went to go try to stop it but he’s not sure if he can” She began. I knew that was coming, I was just waiting until she came back before I sent Finn, Jasper, and Raven to the bridge. A part of me was hoping that Lincoln had this part under control.

“Get Raven, Finn, and Jasper.” I told her. She nodded, glancing over at her sleeping brother for a quick moment before bolting right back out the door.

“So we’re screwed?” Murphy coughed.

“No, not this time.”

\--

“I’d need hydrosene but the Exodus ship crashed like two weeks ago, it all might be duds.” She said. I rubbed my forehead.

“Well can you go out there and see if any of it is usable?” I asked.

“Yeah, I got this.” She snapped, tugging her ponytail tighter.

“You should go with her.” I suggested to Finn. He was standing quietly beside her.

“But you’re sick-”

“Clarke’s a big girl, she’ll be fine.” Raven said, glaring at me.

“Yeah...I’ll be…”

Everything around me started to blur, I was about to pass out. I saw Finn rush to catch me but before he did, someone elses hands were around me. I blinked as the person hoisted me into their arms, trying to see who my savior was.

“Are you okay, Princess?” Bellamy said. A huge smile spread across my face when I realized that he was the one holding me. I rested my head against his chest and instantly felt at home.

“I’m perfect now.” I whispered. He carried me away from Finn and Raven, to the hammock he’d been sleeping on all day.

“Don’t scare me like that.” He said as he grabbed a cup of water from Murphy. I drank it quickly and then handed it back to Murphy.

“I need to make sure everyone else is alright. Plus with the bridge and-”

“Clarke, you need to rest. I got this.” Bellamy said, leaning down to kiss my forehead. I closed my eyes when his lips touched me and reached out for his hand. He took it, squeezing it.

“How do you feel?” I asked him.

He smiled, “I feel almost normal.”

We stayed there in silence for a moment, both just happy to be with each other again. He was still weak and much thinner than he had been before but he was back and he was happy.

“I should probably go check on everyone and make sure Finn, Raven, and Jasper don’t mess this up.” Bellamy said kissing my hand. “Get some sleep, princess.”

I glanced over at Murphy, who was cleaning the vomit off of Fox’s face and smiled at him. I knew I had nothing to worry about from him anymore. Connor, Miles, and Bellamy were safe from him because they never hanged him. It was nice knowing that some lives were saved. Atom was still here, Wells was alive, Charlotte was alive somewhere on the Ark, and the 300 souls were never sacrificed for the culling. The only reason we’d lost Diggs, Roma, and Mbege was because I didn’t go looking for Octavia the first time around.

I watched as Bellamy fell right back into his place as my co-leader. He made sure that everyone inside of the dropship was taken care of before heading off to prepare the kids on the wall for war. His body was still in rough shape, but he pushed through the pain to take care of everyone else. I closed my eyes, happy to finally fall asleep and know he’d be there when I woke up.

\--

When I woke up again, I wasn’t in the drop ship. Bellamy had carried me into our tent and tucked me into bed next to him at some point in the evening. I curled up closer to him, kissing the tip of his nose to wake him up.

“Hey there, how are you feeling?” He asked sleepily.

“A lot better. How long was I asleep?” I asked. Bellamy shrugged and sat up.

“It’s probably almost dawn now.” He said as he walked over to the bin with his stuff on it. He grabbed his gun from the bin and put his jacket on.

“How are the sick?” I asked.

“Last I checked they were all starting to get better. We only lost two which is pretty good and we were able to contain the virus much better than the last time. I’d say it was a success.” He said.

“Did Raven, Jasper, and Finn blow up the bridge?” I asked.

Bellamy shook his head, “They should be almost done setting it up now. Raven ran off with the bomb because she got in a fight with Finn about you.”

I looked away from Bellamy, feeling awful that he had to come back to all of this.

“Bellamy I promise nothing happened between Finn and I-”

“Clarke, I trust you and I love you.” He said. My body instantly relaxed.

“But what is the deal with him?” He asked as he laced up his boots.

“He’s in love with me again but he doesn’t understand it. It’s like all of his feelings for me during the previous life are still there but he doesn’t remember it.” I explained.

“So it’s still just you and me huh?” He asked.

“Actually it’s not. Lincoln remembers too.” I revealed. Bellamy’s jaw dropped at the new information.

“You’re serious?” He gasped, coming back over to the bed with me. I nodded.

“Octavia ran off to go find you and he took her again. When we found him in the cave, he was surprised because he knew that you were supposed to be there, not me. We haven’t really had a chance to talk about it, but I asked Octavia to bring him here soon so we can. We need to figure out why the hell this is happening to us.” I explained.

“We can send Octavia to him today. The grounders will be so preoccupied by the bridge that they won’t take her.” Bellamy said. I agreed.

“Just try to rest for today, okay princess?” He asked.

“I can’t just lay around while-”

“Clarke…” He scolded me. I crawled back under the covers and pouted.

“Okay, fine, but only for a few more hours.” I said. Bellamy crossed his arms and looked like he wanted to argue with me about it, but the explosion from the bridge interrupted our conversation. I followed Bellamy outside, stumbling in my barefeet as the entire camp met in the center and looked to the sky. A giant puff of smoke rose over the treeline; Raven did it.

“I am become death.” Bellamy said next to me.

“Destroyer of worlds.” I finished. We glanced at each other, both sad that it had to come to this but relieved that we avoided the grounder attack for now. How long did we have to live like this because I didn’t want to go to war again.

 


	20. Chapter 20

I broke my promise to Bellamy, I didn’t spend the day resting. Instead, I ended up taking care of Raven and the rest of the sick. Finn brought her back at around noon and she was pretty much dying in his arms. I could tell by the worried look in his face that he was still in love with her, and that made me feel better.

“Raven, you’re going to be okay.” I said as I lead Finn to the hammock. Murphy rushed over with a cool towel and handed it to me. I dabbed it on Raven’s clammy forehead until she started to stir a little bit.

“God, I shouldn’t have hesitated.” Finn mumbled, pacing by Raven’s side. I looked up with him and faintly smiled.

“Bellamy asked us which one was going to plant the bomb and I hesitated! This is all my fault…”

Raven started to stir again, so I reverted my attention back to her, making sure that she didn’t have to puke. Her eyes fluttered open, locking with mine and it was as if all of her animosity towards me was gone. She wasn’t just Finn’s jealous girlfriend anymore, she was my Raven again. She was my best friend.

“Thank you, Clarke.” She said faintly, reaching her hand out for mine. I smiled accepting her gesture because this was her way of telling me that we were good. She hadn’t realized that Finn was even in the room until I looked over at him.

“I’ll give you two some time. I’ll be around camp if you need me.” I said, releasing her hand and heading towards the drop ship door.

When I was back outside, I took a deep breath of fresh air and glanced around at the 100. Everyone was hard at work, preparing for battle and setting up our defenses. Bellamy was in the center of it all, directing everyone and trying to help wherever he could. He had a tendency of overworking himself when he was worried, so I decided to try and calm down his worries. Octavia had left this morning and wasn’t due to be back for another few hours. He’d be a nervous wreck until she walked back through the gate.

When he saw me from across camp, his face lit up like a christmas tree. Everytime he looked at me, it was like he fell in love with me all over again. I couldn’t help but feel butterflies in my stomach as I made my way over to him and snuggled into his open arms. He rested his chin on my head, causing me to nuzzle my cheek against his chest.

“Get a room!” Miller teased. Bellamy let me go so that he could playfully hit Miller. Miller pretended to slap him back, resulting in a full on wrestling match. I giggled as they over dramatically “fought”. They rolled around in the mud until Bellamy eventually doubled over laughing. Miller patted him on the back and stood up, offering his hand to help Bellamy stand as well. Once he’d caught his breath, Bellamy took Miller’s hand and hoisted up onto his feet.

“I missed you man.” Miller said, giving him a “bro-hug”.

“I missed you too.” Bellamy whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear. Miller waved goodbye to us and then headed across camp to slap Jasper into resuming his work duties again.

“I thought I told you to rest.” Bellamy said, dusting off his jeans.

“I had to help Raven.” I replied defiantly. Bellamy wrapped his arm around my shoulders and lead me towards our tent.

“How is she by the way?” He asked.

“She’s much better, she’ll definitely pull through.” I answered.

Bellamy lifted up our tent flap and ushered me inside.

“What about Finn?” He asked while he took off his jacket and collapsed on the bed.

I threw my head back, “I think he’s finally over it. Almost losing Raven, I guess it was a wake up call.”

Bellamy patted a spot on the bed for me to lay down, so I slipped off my boots and curled up next to him.

“So I talked to the kid who burned down the smoke house last time.” Bellamy said as he ran his fingers up and down my arm. I curled up closer to him, relishing in the feeling of his body up against mine.

“And?”

“Our food’s not going to get destroyed this time around.” He said, leaning down to kiss me. I smiled into the kiss as his lips pressed gently against mine.

I pulled away slightly, “Good so I won’t have to go hunting.”

Bellamy pouted, remembering when I’d gotten captured and then kissed me again, “I missed you so much.”

I sighed running my fingers through his dark curls, “I thought I’d lost you.”

Bellamy rolled over, pulling me on top of him and wrapping his arms around my waist to support me. I caressed his face, taking in every scar, every freckle, and every shade of brown in his eyes.

“You and Octavia are the only reason I’m alive.” He whispered, leaning up to kiss my cheek. “I wouldn’t have held on if I didn’t have you two to come home to.”

I bit my lip, “Why don’t you hate me?”

Bellamy chuckled a little under his breath, “How could I hate you? This wasn’t your fault.”

“I walked away, I didn’t turn around and go after you.” I whimpered. Bellamy lifted his hand to brush a small tear off of my cheek.

“That’s exactly what I asked you to do. I know you were worried, but we both knew deep down that I’d make it out of there eventually. I’m here now and I’m healing.” He said.

“I left you to die, Bellamy.” I cried. Bellamy pulled me close to him, allowing me to cry into his t-shirt. He rubbed my back gently as my cries died down to whimpers and then to soft hiccups.

He rested his forehead against mine, “You didn’t leave me to die. I needed to stay, to protect you and Octavia. Just rest princess and know that I love you.”

“I love you too.” I said, kissing him once more before wrapping my legs around his, laying my head on his chest, and falling asleep to the sound of his heart beating.

\--

“Are you two clothed?” Octavia’s voice rang from outside of our tent. Bellamy shot out of bed when he realized that his sister was back, but I struggled to wake up. I rubbed my eyes as Bellamy opened the tent flap and allowed his sister inside. She had her eyes covered with her hands when she stepped in.

“Octavia we’re dressed.” Bellamy laughed, wrapping an arm around his little sister. Octavia peeked through her fingers before setting her hand down at her side and focusing.

“Lincoln is here but he isn’t alone. Apparently he went to Ton DC to speak with the commander and to tell her everything that had happened to you guys. The commander, Lexa, is really spiritual and kind of believes you guys, but you have to go with Lincoln and Anya to Ton DC right now.” Octavia explained. I remembered Lexa telling me about how her spirit would chose the next commander and that she believed in reincarnation, but I couldn’t understand how she could help us. Lincoln did mention something about the spirits punishing us for all of our wrongs in the past life, but I didn’t think that was why we got a do-over. I’d never really believed in anything, but for something like this to happen, there had to be some sort of spiritual being involved. It was worth a shot.

“How do we know this isn’t a trap?” Bellamy asked her. I knew Bellamy trusted Lincoln, but he didn’t trust Anya or Lexa. Regardless, this was the perfect opportunity for us to try and negotiate peace and we couldn’t pass it up. Lexa allowed a truce last time, maybe she’d allow one now too. The Ark was preparing to come down tomorrow and without a truce, all of our people could die. This was our only hope.

“We don’t know if it’s a trap, but it’s the only chance we have to stop the war at the drop ship. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to attract the Mountain Men again.” I said.

Octavia raised her eyebrow, “Lincoln mentioned that the Mountain Men are angry with us for the bridge. Who are they?”

I glanced over at Bellamy, “We’re going to make sure you never find out.”

\--

We put Miller in charge once again and then followed Octavia out of the camp. Anya was waiting there with several riders including Gustus and Indra. We each climbed on the back of horses and rode off towards Ton DC. Bellamy was on a horse with Gustus, I was riding with Anya and Octavia was riding with Lincoln. Indra looked impressed when Octavia climbed on the horse and took the reigns for herself, commanding the horse with confidence.

It felt like an eternity before we finally arrived in Ton DC. We were lead through the village until we made it to Lexa’s tent. It was weird seeing the village thriving again and I’d do whatever it took to stop the bomb from ever dropping here again.

“If you even look at her the wrong way, I’ll slit your throat.” Gustus said to me. Anya yanked roughly on my arm, dragging me into the tent. Lexa was sitting on her throne, delicately applying her warpaint. She set down her eye paint and then stood up to get a better look at us.

“Clarke and Bellamy of the sky people, Lincoln has informed me of your special circumstance.” She said, walking over to me.

“Yes, it’s true. We were sent back in time and we don’t know why. What I do know is that in order for us all to survive, we have to work together.” I said.

“Those who are about to die with say anything…” Indra seethed. Lexa stuck her hand up to silence Indra.

“You say you’ve lived this life before? Then prove it.” Lexa spat. I glanced over at Bellamy, Octavia, and Lincoln, unsure of what to say with her to get her to believe me. That was when it hit me.

“Costia, I know about Costia.” I gasped. Lexa’s eyes widened, and for a moment, I could see a glimmer of emotion in her.

“What do you know?” Lexa asked, focusing solely on me.

I bit my lip, “She was captured by the ice nation, whose queen believed she knew your secrets. Because she was yours, they tortured her, killed her, and cut off her head. You thought you’d never get over the pain, but you did. You recognized it for what it is, weakness. You believe that love is weakness.”

Lexa’s eyes bore into my soul as she tried to wrap her head around what I’d just told her. Bellamy reached over to hold my hand while we waited for her to respond.

“I’ve never told anyone about that before.” She whispered. I let Bellamy’s hand go so that I could stand up to be face to face with her.

“You told me, because I had just lost someone special to me too. You trusted me, Lexa and I trusted you.” I said. It was true, I had trusted her until she broke my trust at the doors of Mount

Weather. I had to keep reminding myself that this Lexa hadn’t betrayed me yet, or ordered Finn’s death, or sent an army to the drop ship to wipe us out.

“I believe you, Clarke.” Lexa whispered so quiet that I was the only one who heard it. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from me, and I know all of those old feelings for me where rushing back to her, just like they had with Finn. I pulled away and licked my lips.

Lexa shook her head, snapping out of the trance, “You need to sit and reflect on why you were sent back. In my lifetime I’ve never met anyone who this has happened to but legend has it that once you figure out the reason behind all of this, you will go back to the present day.” She explained.

“The spirits only do things like this when they believe that there is no other way to teach you a valuable lesson or to heal you.” Lincoln added.

“You all will stay in here until you figure it out.” She said, signalling for her guards to walk out. They left Lincoln, Bellamy and I alone. We gathered around in a circle and were all quiet until Bellamy broke the silence.

“So if we do this, will everything go back exactly the way it was?” He asked.

Lincoln shrugged his shoulders, “I have no idea. What we need to figure out is what we all have in common. We were all sent back here together because the meaning behind all of this is the same for each of us.”

“Well we all love Octavia.” Bellamy joked. We glanced around the room, expecting some sort of supernatural phenomenon to occur if we got the answer right.

“No, it can’t be that. I’ve already tried that. What have you guys thought it was?” Lincoln asked.

“At first I thought this was a dream, then I thought the purpose was to save my father and Aurora, after they died we thought it was a punishment for all of the horrible things we’d done in the past, then we considered that we were supposed to fix everything, but most of the disasters just happened anyway, no matter what we did.” I said.

“Well for most of this time I thought I was alone and that this was a punishment for all I’d done as a reaper. Ever since I betrayed Bellamy, I’ve just been so wracked up with guilt I couldn’t bear it.” Lincoln admitted. The entire room started to shake, almost like an earthquake. We each held hands and closed our eyes, realizing that we were getting so close to figure out the meaning of all of this.

“So guilt, we each felt an immense amount of guilt for everything that we’d been through, but why would that send us back here? Many people feel guilty for many different things.” I argued.

“Well maybe it’s not the guilt, maybe it’s how the guilt was affecting our lives. I don’t know about you guys, but I could barely go on anymore after Mount Weather.” Bellamy said. The ground beneath us shook even more rapidly which was another indication that we were almost there.

“What if we do this and everything goes back to the way it was?” I screamed over the earthquake.

“Then we work through this together. There’s some things in life you just can’t control!” Bellamy yelled to us. The sky opened up above us and rays of white light began to rain down on our skin.

“Bellamy that’s it! We weren’t sent here to fix anything, we were sent here to realize that not everything was our fault, there are some things in life that are just meant to happen and we can’t let the guilt consume us. We have to live every day to the fullest and enjoy life while we have it, because life is short, and it’s a gift.” I said, glancing between them.

The world disappeared around us and I held onto Bellamy and Lincoln for as long as I could before they were each torn from my arms. The white light got brighter and brighter until suddenly, there was nothing.

**  
We did it. We actually did it.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally figured it out!!! But now what's going to happen to them? Any predictions for the last chapter? Let me know in the COMMENTS below!
> 
> I also started working on a few scenes from Bellamy's point of view. I will make this a series and post them in chronological order as soon as this story is wrapped up. I'm so overwhelmed with all of the support I've gotten for this story and I can't believe it's coming to an end! Thank you all so much!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is with a heavy heart that I end this story. It's been such a wild ride and I've loved every minute of it. Thank you all so much for sticking around and reading this, leaving comments, and giving me kudos. You all inspire me and bring me so much positivity every day. I'm working on another fic now and I will also be posting scenes from this story in Bellamy's POV on my other story titled "In Bellamy's Other Lifetime". 
> 
> With love,   
> Kacey

The smell of mud woke me up from my deep sleep. I glanced around, trying to piece together what had happened. So far, all I could remember was that Lincoln, Bellamy, and I were sitting around in a circle, there was an earthquake, and then we were engulfed by a white light. Now I was in the middle of the forest, covered in mud and freezing cold.

I sat up, but yelped when I accidentally sat on my hair. _Wait, what the hell happened to my hair?_

I stood up and pulled my newly dark-blond hair around so I could see just how long it was. It had grown so long that it extended down past my butt. I shifted on my feet, feeling a little taller than I had been yesterday and slightly heavier. My eyes traveled down to my boobs which were definitely several sizes biggers, and my skin was several shades darker. I had to be at least two years older, but how was that possible?

“What the hell?” I gasped.

“Oh my God that’s her!” Wells shouted off in the distance. I flipped around, instinctively reaching for a gun that wasn’t there.

Wells appeared with his father and several members of the guard. My mother was also with them, but there was no sign of Bellamy. I put my empty hand back down at my side and glanced around at the group, utterly confused.

“Clarke! We’ve been so worried about you!” My mom gasped, wrapping her arms around me. I thought back to how I’d ran off into the woods to escape what I’d done in Mount Weather. _Did I pull the lever again? Did I leave camp for months? But how was Wells still here?_

“How long have I been away from camp? Wells how are you here?” I asked, completely dumbfounded that he was even still alive. Wells glanced around at his father and my mother in concern before pulling me aside and answering my questions.

“Clarke, you know I came down a year ago with the Ark, right? And you remember how you got flustered during a meeting last night with the council and ran off? Did you get hurt? We’ve been looking for you all day.” Wells replied. So I hadn’t left because of Mount Weather…

“What about Mount Weather?” I asked.

“Did you bump your head, sweetheart?” My mom asked, examining me. Her concern was growing, but I had to get these questions answered. If what they were saying is true, we just jumped ahead to one year after the war with the grounders was supposed to take place. Did that war even take place?

I shook my head, “No, but tell me what happened, I can handle it.”

Abby glanced between Wells and Jaha before replying to me, “You made a deal with the grounders the day before the Ark arrived. When the Mountain Men came down, we were there, ready to fight. You helped cure the reapers and set all of the grounder prisoners free. Lexa said she’s forever in your debt. You’re a legend. The grounders call you The Commander of Life.” My mom revealed. The moment she said that, it was as if those memories suddenly flooded back to me. I remembered reuniting with her and Wells, I remembered helping the reapers and going to Mount Weather where I'd put Jasper in charge after Lexa killed Cage and Dante.

I glanced down at my clothes which had a chancellor's pin attached to them and raised my eyebrow. I was the chancellor?

“I’m the chancellor?” I asked. My mother lead me over to a log and sat me down.

“Yes, sweetie, the dual chancellor. Are you sure you didn’t hurt yourself last night?” She asked.

“Who else is chancellor?” I asked, instantly panicking.

“You know the other chancellor is Bellamy, right sweetie?” She asked, her voice becoming more and more concerned by the minute.

“Where is he?” I finally asked, afraid of the answer. My mother took a deep breath and signaled for everyone else to give us space. I figured this meant the worst, so I closed my eyes and braced myself for the news.

“He woke up this morning a little disoriented, just like you. He was freaking out that you weren’t at camp and that was when we realized that you’d never come back last night. He’s back at camp because, we couldn’t have both of our chancellor’s out here. Plus I wanted Jackson to check him out and make sure he wasn’t sick.” She said. I couldn’t believe all of this was happening. Some of the worst things never happened because we solved the spirit’s quest. If we took down the Mountain so early, then that meant the bomb never hit Ton DC, Lexa never betrayed us, Bellamy never had to infiltrate the mountain, Lincoln was never put into the Cerberus program, and I never had to commit genocide. We were actually living in peace and it was all because Bellamy, Lincoln, and I were sent back in time.

I didn’t want to waste anymore time sitting out here, so I ran up ahead and ordered guards to head back towards camp. My body guided me in the correct direction of the Ark and as we got closer, the more memories of the past year came back to me.

_Octavia moved up from Indra’s second to Lexa’s second because of how many grounder lives she saved by breaking into the reaper tunnels in Mount Weather. Murphy never shot Raven so her leg wasn’t paralyzed, Finn never committed the massacre in the grounder camp and was fine, and Maya was still alive, living in Mount Weather with Jasper._

Now I could see the Ark from the top of the hill I was standing on. It looked exactly as it had in the past, but this time there wasn’t a fence around it. It made sense since we were in an alliance with all of the grounder clans, but it was odd to see.

When I ran into the camp, hundreds of people, whose names were slowly coming back to me, greeted me. I asked each person to direct me towards Bellamy until I found Finn and Raven in the crowd. They approached me, hand in hand with smiles across their faces. My heart swelled at the thought of them still being together and finding a way to overcome Finn’s feelings for me.

“We thought you weren’t coming back.” Raven joked, releasing Finn to hug me. I smiled, wrapping my arms around her. Finn watched us and we locked eyes for a moment, but that look of longing for me wasn’t there anymore. He truly was still in love with Raven.

“I’m sorry I left. Where’s Bellamy?” I asked, pulling away from the hug.

“He’s across camp in his tent. Jackson asked Miller to look after him, he’s been freaking out about you all day. You really gave him a scare last night. I know the grounders aren’t a threat in the woods anymore, but there are still wild gorillas to worry about. Don’t leave us again.” Raven said. I nodded and quickly thanked her before running off in the direction she said Bellamy was.

I glanced off into the distance where Octavia was running into Lincoln's arms. He held her closely, kissing the side of her face. He nodded at me, a huge smile spreading across his face. That was when I knew everything was going to be okay.

When I arrived I didn’t hesitate to burst through the tent. It felt like slow motion when our eyes met from across the room and he instinctively jumped up from the bed and ran at me as quickly as he could. When we collided in a loving embrace, the world stopped spinning for a moment. It felt like we were the only people in the world. He buried his face in my hair and then peppered me with kisses as he whispered “I love you” over and over again to me. I said it back, clutching onto the back of his shirt so that he couldn’t pull away. This was real, we were really back and we both remembered.

He eventually released me and I instantly burst into tears. Here we were, back where we left off but everything was so different. We were able to fix everything that had happened this past year just by learning to accept our pain. The truth was, bad things were going to happen to us in the future, but how we handled them would make or break us. We needed to work together, side by side, and the universe was giving us that chance. Guilt wouldn’t rule us anymore.

Bellamy lead me over to the bed and sat down next to me. I could tell he was probably thinking the same things as I was, so I hugged him again, soaking in his familiar smell and warm touch.

He wiped the tears from his eyes and we laughed in relief. After the earthquake, I was terrified that I’d be all alone, but the truth was, I was never alone. When I looked to my side, Bellamy was always there. It didn’t matter what life I lived, Bellamy would always be by my side to live it with me. In the past, in the present, and in the future, I’d always have Bellamy and that could get me through anything.

“I love you so much, Clarke Griffin.” He said, pulling me in for a kiss.

“I love you too.” I replied, smiling into the kiss.

Bellamy rested his forehead against mine and pursed his lips, “It’s gonna be weird not knowing what’s going to happen every day.”

“Yeah, but I’m excited to find out what the future holds.” I said, squeezing his hand, “There is one thing I know for sure though.” I said, my lips curling into a bigger smile. Bellamy playfully raised his eyebrow, begging me to continue.

“That we will always have each other, no matter what lifetime.” I said.

Bellamy leaned in to kiss once more, “I will love you forever, no matter what lifetime, Clarke Griffin.”

And he did.

 

\--

**When all the tragedy fades away,**

**Only the ash and the spark remain.**

**We live and die by the choice we made,**

**In another lifetime.**

**~In Another Lifetime by Zoe Sky Jordan**

 

 


End file.
